No friends.

[oitnb]

I have very few friends.

 

I had a very close, "best" friend, but were drifting apart. She's been very rude to me lately. I'll explain more if anyone asks, but basically she's changed and I don't see us staying friends much longer.

 

I have a couple sorta-kinda friends I met through my boyfriend, but that's about it.

 

I'm really starting to realize how much this sucks. I've been working 24.7, finally have today off, and have NOTHING to do and NO ONE to hang out with. My boyfriend is at work.

 

My goal is to make some friends through work and school once I start next month, because I'm a social person and I miss that. In highschool I was always doing something with someone. They don't lie when they say things change after you graduate.

 

I don't want to be so dependent on my boyfriend for a social life, ya know? I had this issue with my ex as well. Got to dependent on him for entertainment. Well, that was part of the million reasons our relationship became a toxic mess, so I want to nip this in the bud NOW before it goes any further because I really love my boyfriend.

 

Any advice guys, honestly. I'm feeling super down.

[stuka80]

I noticed its extremely hard to make friends after high school or college. All the friends i currently have are all from elementary and high school. My advice is to just put yourself out there and actively make plans with people and call them up from time to time to hang out. Doing things with people with mutual hobbies and interests are key in making lasting friendship imo.

[ShoreSea]

Many of my friends also just disappeared after college. Now that I am alone yet again I am reaching out to everyone I can. I now have a mix of friends mostly,much older than me, and few much younger. Hang in there. We are her for you.

[Moontiger]

I went through a long phase where I really felt like I had very, very, few friends. I did everything you supposed to do: Tried link removed (the same people never showed up), going to the gym and taking classes there (never click with anyone, every left immediately so there was no time to chat), took a few fun six week course at a local college (meet one girl who I thought I could be friends with but she fell off the face of the earth), etc.

 

I finally meet some people through volunteering and various jobs I've had. I'm back in school now and I think I'll be friend with most of the people in my program.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Don't give up! Keep trying until it works!

[Batya33]

I made great friendships in my 20s and 30s and beyond. I did put in a lot of effort to meet new people and maintain/develop friendships. I was involved in several activities where I met other people and I made friends through work. At age 43 I moved to a new city for the first time in my life and in the last five years I've made a number of new friends, some close, and not just because I met other moms (I did not marry/become a parent until my early 40s). I think it has to do with confidence, seeking out opportunities to meet people and then putting in the time -the phone calls/emails, suggesting plans, showing up for the plans unless there is an emergency, etc.

[oitnb]

Thank you guys. I'm feeling very depressed over this

[blueidealist24]

I think you'll have better luck when you go to school. I found college the easiest place to meet friends, and had much more friends there than in high school. When you're together in a new place with a bunch of people with the same interests (or at least similar, if you're in the same program), that's much more conducive to the development of friendships than just trying to be friends with random people. The only downside is a lot of those friends tend to drop off the face of the earth after college and you have to start all over again, but that's kind of the cycle of life and you should enjoy your time with people while you have them.

[Peace09]

I have the same problem!! I started to go out by myself for movies or shopping!

[joffie]

I am more of a loner than anything else these days. It used to bother me, but now I am used to it. I have done everything such as volunteering, doing courses and even attending meet link removed events, but nothing happens out of it.

Certainly as you get older it is harder as people focus on relationships, buying houses, careers ect.

Least you have a relationship with your partner, who could be considered your "best friend". Sadly, for me once women find out you don't have friends they cannot run away fast enough. Its very awkward when they ask me "what do I do for fun" and "sitting at home playing on the computer" does not seem acceptable.

I hate it when people tell me to "get out there" to meet others. What exactly does that mean? Sitting at the train station like some bum, or a creep in a shopping mall trying to talk to people. Unfortunately as we connect more digitally we are also less social with others. Why talk to others when we can get validation off Facebook ext !!

99% of the things I do outside of work are done alone.

[Batya33]

"Certainly as you get older it is harder as people focus on relationships, buying houses, careers ect."

 

It's been almost the opposite for me because in my 30s I became a better friend, better listener, etc and that drew more people to me and I had the additional skills to develop good friendships. I was just as busy before I got married and had a child - I had an extremely demanding career, before that grad school -I was always busy and trying to reach my professional and personal dreams. But I valued friendships and I nurtured them, made time for them - and I mean in reality -traveling far distances to see people, long phone conversations at inconvenient times, attending events to show support to a friend, going the extra mile. That's not meant to brag at all -I just knew what I wanted and that I had to work for it.

 

I think it's fine to be an introvert and not want friends -my comments are only to people who do want friends.

 

I have had certain friendships fade because they got married/had a child/bought a house - and in most cases that is because that person doesn't prioritize friendships- not because of life situations. There are rare exceptions -my friend is a single working mom -no father involvement at all -to 4 young children. If she doesn't return my call for the better part of a year I understand and if she wants to call me back in a year from now I'll be happy to talk to her! Other than that my friends make time for me no matter what's going on.

[blueidealist24]

 

I have had certain friendships fade because they got married/had a child/bought a house - and in most cases that is because that person doesn't prioritize friendships- not because of life situations.

 

This is totally true.. I know a guy who says he doesn't really have time for friends because he has a house to take care of and a finance career.. yet there are other people with good careers and homes who have very active social lives.

[joffie]

Those "busy" people are not worth the effort IMHO. I have tried investing time in those people but the time and effort is simply worth it in the end.

 

I believe an active social life is very important, but when everyone already has their "circle" of friends, it is very very very tough (unless your super hot lol then everyone has time for you!)

[LSgirl]

I'm 29 now and can't say I have a best girlfriend now. My bf is my best friend too, and he has many friends. My friend from high school moved to another country, and the girl I was closest to that I met through work met a guy online and stopped hanging out with me for a year and moving with him to another state in a few days. It makes me sad, and Im naturally a loner but I do wish I had a good set of girlfriends too. If you ever come out this way, let me know lol