too attached to my girlfriend... help

[jmantra]

I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 and a half months. I am little more attached to her than she is me, she says she's learning to fully love again (she's been hurt in the past), but she does love me. The problem is I am little too attached to her, and I don't like it. When I am away from her I find myself obsessing about her ALL THE TIME, and I want to stop. I don't call or text her twenty times a day because I don't want to scare her off, but I want to stop thinking about her all the time.

 

Has anyone ever dealt with this before, any advice on how to overcome this? I've heard distracting yourself with hobbies and friends can work, and I engage in both however I still think about her and I want to stop.

[JGintheOC]

I guess my question is what are you thinking about when you are thinkin about her?

 

I guess people who obsess over something else whether its another person or whatever, its usually because of insecurity issues or they are trying to runaway away from dealing with something.

 

Only you know.

[misssmithviii]

I've always believed love is passion and obsession. It's all emotion. It's all the other necessities in a relationship that keep in all in check.

 

I felt this with my bf; I still feel it, but in the first few months especially. It's like, that's all you can think about.

 

If you don't like the feeling, perhaps get yourself busy on your own. It'll help you not lose sight of your own self control.

[newgirlhere]

I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 and a half months. I am little more attached to her than she is me, she says she's learning to fully love again (she's been hurt in the past), but she does love me. The problem is I am little too attached to her, and I don't like it. When I am away from her I find myself obsessing about her ALL THE TIME, and I want to stop. I don't call or text her twenty times a day because I don't want to scare her off, but I want to stop thinking about her all the time.

 

Has anyone ever dealt with this before, any advice on how to overcome this? I've heard distracting yourself with hobbies and friends can work, and I engage in both however I still think about her and I want to stop.

 

 

 

I'm really glad you started this thread, as I think it is a VERY big issue, especially with people who have been hurt before.

 

In my last dating situation I felt this way when I was away from him and could not - absolutely could NOT - handle that feeling. To me it felt like anxiety and insecurity in one major ball in the pit of my stomach. I think it's important to focus on what it is you obsess over when you are apart - and also, what is it that makes you so sure she doesn't feel the same way you do? Everyone has a different way of interpreting their feelings. You clearly aren't showing her how obsessive you are when you're apart, so she may not be showing you certain things yet either.

 

For me, I needed to get out because the more time I spent with the guy, the more I freaked out when we were apart. I needed to get my sanity back and something about that felt unhealthy. It's FUN to think all the time about someone you are crazy about who is crazy about you too - you can think about him/her and smile knowing they feel the way you do. It is TORTURE to feel that way for someone who doesn't. That's the main issue.

 

When I eventually was faced with the guy I was seeing who was making me feel this way, he told me he loved me and had been falling in love with me since the start. I had known this - in the calm part of me that I'd call my gut. But I was too wrapped up in my insecurities and worries to ever see that. I still feel awful knowing I ambushed a great, beautiful thing - but then again, if it had been right, we would have worked it out and the anxieties would have subsided.

 

I would recommend you tell her how you feel. No games or worries about how she'll take it. Own what's going on so you can either work it out together or separate until you're on the same page.

[Ms Darcy]

Why do you think you are thinking about her so much?

[ubasti]

I've been here. The one in the relationship who is more attached, maybe even a bit clingy/needy.

 

My advice to you is to back off her a bit. Focus on yourself. I know it's hard but you need to FORCE yourself to focus on other things than her. Let her come to you in her own time. Learn to understand that.