He makes me feel like nothing

[columbia]

I have been maried for about 2 years now. I love him so much. I know he loves me, but he doesn't treat me with any respect. When we are having sex, it is never just about us. It is always dirty talk wanting some one else, some girls to join, some guys, or even animals sometimes.

 

At first I thought, well whatever, it is just fantasy. But lately more often than not he is asking me to do things he knows I don't want to do. I don't mind a but of group sex or asking other people to join sometimes. But sometimes I want it to just be about us. And when we are alone, he is pressuring me into certian things. I want to make him happy and satisfy him, and I know that some people have different fetishs, and thats cool, just I hate that when I say no, it never just means no.

 

I have been on pain pills the last few months, due to a back injury. And so I often have a hard time sleeping because of pain so I take the pills. The thing is they make me very sleepy and somewhat out of it. And there has been several occasions when I have woken up and I am naked ( I wasn't when I went to sleep ) and he is doing things to me that I would rather he not do. Including some things with animals. I hate this. He knows that I do. I get depressed, feel badly about myself, self injure, just to name a few things that follow when he has me do that.

 

He likes to put me down durring sex. He always calls me a dirty little (well you can guess). I don't mind dirty talk sometimes. But it is the way that he says it. He also has rape fantasys. He likes to grab me and force me, and slap me around ( sometimes really rough ) and also when he does that he says that I am a dirty (well you can guess) and he needs to punish me and make me take my medicine so he brings in the dogs.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I really hate having sex with him anymore. But he says he is horny and needs it all the time. But it is never just sex. It always leads to more. I have problems any ways with sex. This being due to sexual abuse as a small child, and agian as a pre-teen. When we were dating, I told him all about it. One of the things that hurt me the worst was that when I was abused, I was made to preform sex acts with animals. I told him how this hurt me. I wish so much that I had never told him this. He got all excited by it. I mean he was telling me it was all ok, and he was there for me, but I know him. I know when he is horny. And that made him horny. I was just a baby for some of it. I don't know why he liked it. But ever since I told him he has been intrested in sex with animals, rape, and even mentioned some things about with children.

 

I am worried that he will do something. That he will hurt someone. I have asked him, just don't hurt a child, please don't put them through that. Don't rape someone. I told him that if he needs to get it out, because as he says he is to horny to control himself, just do it to me. I can take it. I learned a long time ago how to deal with someone using you. I just don't want him to hurt anyone.

 

I don't know. I am just sad and depressed. He is sleeping right now. I just got done cutting myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am tired. I just want to sleep. To just go to bed and not wake up. To not feel dirty, and guilty, and worthless anymore. I had a bad childhood. And when I was little, I would pray that God would bring me a guy that was sweet and would treat me good and love me. I though that I had found that in him. Now I just pray to make it to tomorrow. I would just settle to be treated decent. I don't even care about the rest anymore. I am just tired.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

All I can say, is that I think he needs to see a professional. Most of this doesn't sound normal or healthy.

[mylifeisasoapoprea]

You deserve better. Even though he is your husband you are still going through is abuse. If he doesn't stop the best thing to do is leave. I know it will probally be hard because he is your husband after all but, you shouldn't have to go through all that pain like that. Not only will it help you but it will help your husband. If he loves you he will see his mistake and learn from it.

 

What is going on isn't your fault. It happens to a lot of people and even husbands doing this to wives. It is wrong that it is going. Its not your fault what some does to you. Its his problem not yours. Don't put yourself through that. You can live a happier life with out this. Its probally hard to see that with your past and all but it is possible. Don't put yourself through this nightmare. Its not worth it. You derserve much better and you can get it

[Cassie]

Columbia,

 

I'm going to let the professionals and therapists who I know browse these forums reply because your situation sounds horrid, and I think they are better equipped to offer you advice. I just wanted to tell you that your post brought tears to my eyes, and I hope you know that you are not alone, we are all here for you.

 

*hugs you warmly*

[Mun]

Hello,

I think the first thing you need to do is to get away from your husband.

 

I'm sorry, but this does not sound like love to me. He is taking advantage of you when you are out because of medication, he is forcing you to do things you don't want to do when you are awake. He is disrespecting you always.

Second, I want you to realize that you are not responsible for any things that he might do. He is an adult and if he hurts someone else it is not your fault. You can't really control him even if you try. You are only responsible for what you do.

 

You should look into therapy, you have very serious self-esteem issues that you need to work out ( and it's not surprising due to the abuse you have suffered)

 

Please get out of this situation. Help yourself because you do deserve a better life and someone who cares for you ... not this. I'm afraid that if you stay in this marriage you will only fall deeper and deeper into despair and depression.

 

Best of luck

[angelicshadow]

Hello,

 

You need to get away from him immediately. He has no regard for you as a human being and no sensitivity to your past. It sounds like he has a problem with sadomasochism or something. Please for you own sake leave and you are also not responsible for what he does to anyone else, HE is. You do NOT need to subject yourself to this. Leave and go to family, a shelter, a hospital and ask for help.

[Hope75]

When I was 18 years old I was engaged and living with a man who abused drugs and who raped me while I was on medication that made me very groggy also. I woke up naked with him on top of me, forcing himself on me. I didn't know what was going on. I was weak and groggy and tried to push him away but was unable to.

 

This is a dangerous, sick man. What he is doing to you is beyond fetishism. He is cutting you down to nothing and being abusive. He knows what you went through before you met him and yet he still forces you to perform sexual acts on animals and other things you don't feel comfortable doing. He does not respect you, or care about your feelings.

 

This is not love. Get out while you can. Where is your family? Can you go & stay with them?

 

You should also be talking to a therapist about cutting yourself. There are alot of things going on in your life that you have to work out, and I think a therapist is a good place to start, but for God's sake, get away from this man.

[cleverme123]

This isn't love, he is using the fact he needs sex, as a way to manipulate and control you. Your child hood issues really need a therapists. Maybe he has his own issues of abuse and that is why he does the things he does.

 

When sex no longer is enjoyable and you start to feel hurt and scared it is no longer a good thing. He is using your past to feed a sick imagination and using you to try to fill his fantasy. He sees you as an easy target because some times you said you just let him do it.

 

It will continue and get worse. I suggest getting out of there. There are a lot of places that could help you get out and help you heal as well. You have already been a victim of abuse do not let it continue.

[GymSweetie]

DO THE RIGHT THING!

INSIST ON BEING TREATED LIKE A QUEEN!

GET HELP AND GET OUT OF THERE!

NO WAY SHOULD YOU ACCEPT THAT BULL ****!

IMPLEMENT A PLAN AND STICK TO IT!

TRY NOT TO CAVE IN!

YOU ARE NUMBER ONE, YOU DESERVE BETTER!