mylifeisasoapoprea
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Everything posted by mylifeisasoapoprea
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what do i do if he does side with the lunetic?
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she has limited internet access. her family has kept the passwords from her. so when she goes on they know she is on. Her brother does know the password and lets her on. she also goes on at his work as well. She told me tonight that she is afraid that the pastor thing is not going to go well and that she is going to be the bad guy in all of this. she is worried that the pastor will side with her parents. She is pretty worried about it now. what do you think?
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I do see where there is a lot of envy going on. my gf was the first one to have a relationship, and her older sister always tried to blow things out of proportion and even trying to get the parents involved. She gets the same job that her sister once had and since they liked my gf they gave her more pay and her sister was mean to her for that. Any accomplishment my gf is given a hard time. My gf took steps to email her pastor. The pastor will meet with her and the family on monday if it is ok for the parents. I don't know how that will go but hopefully it is a step.
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she has realized that her parents would try and choose a spouse. They have tried with her. Her sister had this guy who was interested in her and she liked the guy her dad was leary about it and the guy had to ask permission as well. Her sister and this guy don't talk anymore. she sees that her dad has controled all these lives. she has seen a lot of light these last few days. It does seem like the parents do want to try and blame me now for everything. what do i do for that?
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yeah but even if she is ready she will still have guilt beacuse her parents make her feel that she doesn't love them if she left. This will happen at anytime. What are the chances that she will pass on the abuse to kids herself? how can that be prevented?
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ok they say that she needs it too live on her own. they didn's say take them. keep in mind that they don't want her to live on her own. they want her to be a homemakker and live at home until she is married. if she takes self defense classes they will be threatened that she will leave them and go off to a courupted world. my gfs mom always tells her that she never left home until she was married. her views changed when she got married. etc, etc... just because it happened with them doesn't mean that is how she is to live. my brother gave her a job offer to nanny his kids for 250 week and free room and board. she does khave a chance, but i don't want to take advantage of my brother though.
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yeah i agree that taking self defense class is a good idea, how ever don't you think they are being a little extreme? they don't let her have friends they cut her off from anything that will help her they dont' want her to have a career they make her feel selfish when she hasn't done anything wrong they don't want her to progress in life they mess with her feelings to control her they say that her wanting a life is greedy what do you think about all this? it almost seems like you side with her parents on this? are they emotionally abusing her? is my gf doing anything wrong here? doesn't she deserve all the things that her parents rob her of for some lame excuse to control? or am i wrong here?
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all the things that i find about emotional abuse is mostly partener inflcited. is there any information out there about parents emotionally abusing there kids? my gf had an argument with her mom today. it was about her wanting to do something with her life. Her mom said to her that she had wanted the same things when she was in college but that all changed when she met her dad and she said that the same thing was going to happen to her. her mom said to basically forget it and become a homemaker. her mom said that that is her calling in life. to be a homemaker. she also said that her wanting a career she would be going against what God wants. Her parents also said that she can't see me until her attitude changes. the only attitude is her wanting to do something with her life. They say that she is being greedy wanting to have goals in chances in her life. they tell her that she has to stay at home until she is married. they tell her that she needs at least 10,000 dollars for back up, self defense classes and gun because she will need it in the world. They tell her that her living on her own is impossible. her parents are wrong and full of it. she was out of that house for a year got a taste of the oppurtuntiy in the world and wants more of it. her parents tell her that year corrupted her and her veiws are wrong. what do i tell my gf? she needs help. her parents are wrong and have gone too far. what can be done?
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she keeps telling me everyday that she needs to leave i don't get why she doesn't.
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how can this cycle end? what can be done about emotional abuse brought on by parents? its not right that they treat my gf this way because she has different views. how does holding her back going to help? how does entrapment work? how does keeping her away from friends help anything? whats the point?
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I dont think that he has touched anyone. I don't believe that he has it in him. It is clear that he just uses emotions and holds things over heads to get what he wants. My gf is the only one her family that has different veiws than the rest of the family. the rest of the family remember was kept pretty well sheltered and its all they know. i think my gf is treated the way sshe is mainly because she has different view regarding the role of women. Her dad told me that they do have problems to be worked out but he is controlling her and entrapping her thinking thats the solution to the problem. My gf has been kept from having friends outside the home. Her brother has friends outside the home but for some reason her dad doesn't want her to have friends. I don't know why. Its horrible. She would never do anything illegal or slip spirtually. I can't figure out why this is happening to her. Her sister goes along with everything so there are no problems with tension. My gf is the one that has all the problems. this needs to end and what can she do to end thsi cycle
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Sorry that i haven't replied in awhile...i was down visting my gf. her dad sat down talked to me told me that if i don't agree with him that i have to cut off the relationship. my gf was angry that he had to say that. the only thing i can do is let him think i agree, when i really do not. she needs to be able to earn money to get out and in that time she needs to work things out and for that it will require counceling. hopefully her dad won't refuse the councel. my gf also bought a car from him but did not get the title in her name, he keeps threatening to take it away if she doesn't do what he wants all the time. the whole time i was down there he kept ripping weight jabs at his wife and my gf and they are not over weight. they both look really good. he also used the phrase to my gf "when i decide what you are going to do with your life" LIKE IT IS HIS DECISION TO MAKE!!! the nerve of him. she needs to get away from this lunatic i don't know what to do, because i don't agree with him and i think he is wacked in the head
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what do you mean by lock myself down now? i have been working on solution to get her to success. however its hard to cut on ones own. between living somewhere and college. money will be tough. i'm not too sure what to do about myself after next year when i move out of dorms. I have to find a place to live and i don't know how to do that. my gf needs the same thing, she wants to move up north and be near me and get away from her controling parents and get a life up here. the out of state situation makes it tough, i'm still a resident of kentucky in wisconsin and plan to try to live here. its going to be tough
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she is not a minor anymore
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i dont' know....she did get to talk to others about it as well. sounds like they don't know what do really. sounds like one possibility it that she and her father would sit down and talk to a pastor together. however there is a possibility of her dad leaving the church. it is a sticky situation because children should obey their parents however there are lines being crossed here. who knows what they think.
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what do you mean is he more open?
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i don't know if calling emotional abuse a lesser evil is a good way to word it or not. abuse is abuse...no mater if it is emotional, mental, physical or what... It is still abuse. Emotional abuse still causes psychological harm just as much as physical. However because there is no physical harm taking place emotional abuse tends to be looked over. People who generally are abused in this fashon are blinded, because their parent, spouse or signaficant other has not laid a hand on them. Emotional abuse is still abuse because it is a delibrate action that lowers ones self esteem and does cause psychological harm. Its sad to see this happen. My aunt raised her kids to see that they have dreams, enocouraged them to do things they enjoy and to fullfill goals. This man that i am dealing with crushes dreams and goals. He has entrapped all the women in his life to think that their only purpose is to cook, clean and make babies. Whats the point of living life to the fullest if that is what you have to look foreward to. Any dream that my gf had this man has attempted to crush and will continue to do so as long as she stays with him. Emotional abuse damages people, it is demoarlizing and gives a person a lack of purpose in life. It creates fear. brings on false guilt. My gf gets emotional over the tiniest thing. She always feels guilty all the time. She is afraid to do what she wants in life in fear of loosing her family. She feels that she would be the one causing. In reality, it is her dad's choice to do so...not hers like she thinks. If he chooses to do that then he is not a very good father. Disowning a child for a choice of a better eduacation. trying to control her education. My gf will never be happy in life if this man continues this. He continues to inflict harm on her whether he relizes it or not and that is wrong of him to do so. My gf does see that she made a mistake in staying a year, after he said that she can't take foreign language. she will never please the man. She is in denial that her own father is wrong. she sees it but she has a hard time admitting it. it is tough when someone you love and supposed to trust, does this. its horrible of him. She did email one of the teachers at this private school explaining the situatiion. the guy was once a pastor and i am praying that he will help guide her. its what she needs.
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here's my question.... if you cave into what an emotional abuser wants, if you give him what he desires, you let him have control. How does that help the situation? Its only going to get worse. This man will never be satisfied. my gf wants to study foreign language and maybe sometime be a teacher of it. Her father tonight said that she can't because she would teach a man and that is wrong. He said that she is to take home ec. classes and maybe nursing classes, because that is what she needs. He told her that no husband will want her to work. that her husband will want her to stay home. he also says it goes against God, beacuse she would be teaching a man if she chooses to teach. he believes it is wrong. the passage talks about issues in the church, it doesn't say anything about society. I don't demand that of my gf. If she wants a life let her have one. a person has the right to live out dreams. what happens after kids grow up. the woman has nothing. no will to live all she has is her horrible controling husband. That is the life that her mom lives right now. after all her kids grow up what is she going to have? what is she going to do? A woman working gives the oppurtunity leave the house, meet people and give her a chance at a life and have a purpose and keep her sanity. how her mom puts up with this i will never know. THe only reason i think is fear. the fear that she is doing something wrong if she goes against her husband in anything. I told my gf that (we do plan to get married in a few years), i don't expect her to stay at home. I expect her to be happy and DO WHAT SHE DESIRES. sometimes it may take a while with kids but after a few years they will be in school, she needs to do something to keep her busy. her mom was able to homeschool. my gf and i talked about kids and after awhile of debate she did see that maybe homeschooling is not a good idea for kids. Kids should not be raised in fear. the should be raised to have dreams and live out their goals and not be afraid. all fear does is crush dreams and that is what this man envokes on people. sad huh? Yes this man is a religious lunatic. he uses God to control. its sad that people do this.
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Just because he is a religious lunatic doesn't mean that he isn't christian. He still believes in Christ and thats what counts. Her dad is obviously insecure here. I found out that no one in their family says "I love you" except the mom to her kids. It was never really said. It is clear that he is trying to control my gf because he is scared. He sees that she is grown up now, but doesn't want to let go for some reason. I feel that he needs reassurance that my gf will love him no matter what. What do you guys think? She is afraid to say that she loves him and i don't know why. Just because it is assumed that there is love. the words still mean and they will always remind of us love. We are only human after all and sometimes we forget what we have and get so into ourselves. Words can be a simple reminder of these things. Do you think this would help the relationship between her and her father?
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I have suggested ideas. It is true that a few more months won't hurt. it is probally better that she gets a chance to save money. She just now bought a car, so she has transportation now. It does hurt see her stuck with this controling father. Her father has raised up all those kids in fear. my gf is one of 7 kids. 2 girls 5 boys. Each kid was raised in fear. each kid was home schooled because of fear of the kids being corrupted. Even at a christian college they would be corrupted. Her dad wants to be able to control all of these kids lives!!! Ironically her dad works in a public school as a math teacher. The other sister believes that this is the way it is supposed to be. my gf is the one who doesn't think so and thats why she is untrusted by others in her family. You can't raise a child in fear, if i marry this woman i don't want kids to be home schooled, sheltered or raised in fear. they deserve a chance at a life and to be able to form opinions of thier own and to have oppurtinuites such as friends and people skills which are needed. They are strong christian people. Her dad points things in the bible to back up all his points. and one of which that children are to obey their parents. I am a christain too and i believe this as well however there are lines that can be crossed. It is also says in the bible for parents to love thier children and saying that you would be disowned for doing with something with our life is not love. Invoking fear into people is not love. Her father believes that woman should basically stay at home and cook and clean. He feels that they should not have a voice in society. He doesn't want women voting. His wife doesn't vote and it is frowned upon at the thought of my gf wanting to vote. His wife i can kinda see where maybe she feels trapped. He probally uses fear to get what he wants. Yeah it does say in the bible that women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands. It does also say that husbands are to do the same toward their wives. He uses that to control his wife. it is obvious she feels that she is has to obey him. My gf is blind because she was kept sheltered all her life by this controling man. She knows nothing else. She is afraid to go against what he says in fear that he will actually disown her. Her dad did call me up the other night and talked to me. He said that if i had anything to do with her wanting to go back or wanting to help i am to never speak to her again. I didn't say anything to him because i didn't want to escalate things further, He also feels that he has to give permission for us to date. and he basically suggested that if i don't aggree with him that he will see to it that i never talk to my gf again. He is trying to control me know and our relationship. I plan to go visit her in a week. her dad wants to talk to me about dating her and stuff like that. I don't know what to do or say to him. My gf is afraid to stand up for herself. my fear is that she will do this someday herself. she already shows signs of it. the circle has to stop now. She says that if she can't please him after a year she never will. Is that what she is always going to say? is this going to keep dragging on? am i wasting my time believing things that aren't true. what do i think of this.
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i don't know how to get her on here. she probally would be mad if she found out that i posted stuff.
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yeah but i dont want him to try and control something that he doesn't have control over. if i take into his needs and feed his control the situation will only get worse
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after months of telling me that this is what she wants to do. she told me today that this isn't worth losing family for. she doesn't want to go now because she is afraid of loosing her family. they have used her feelings to maniuplate her now. there isn't anything i can do now. apparently her and her dad agreed to wait a year then do it. he said that he doesn't want it to happen but he will at least support her then. what difference does a year make anyway also her dad wants me to ask permission to date her. what do i make of that?
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what do you mean do not "rescue" her? are you telling me not to go down and get her? what are you saying? she wants to do this and she needs help to do so. i'm the only one who will support her with this. no one else her whole imediate family is against her with this. she does have a job. she has been working her butt off in order to go back. she would need a job when she came up here with me, and the area where i am at jobs are easy to find and most start at 7.50 an hour. where she lives she is lucky to get a job for 6.00 please elaberate on the rescue thing? are you saying don't go down there and help her
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its tough that this is her own family thats doing this. i have told her that i will support anything she does as long it isn't illegal. i don't think her mom was raised by anyone controlling, i think her mom is controlled to and is in denial about it. i've met her her mom's mom and her moms side of the family and when she was with them her mom was a totally different person than she is at home. her dad on the other i think was posibally raised by a control freak. i don't know for sure. her dad's dad died while her dad was in college. i don't know if that has anything to do with it or what. my gf's sister believes that she has to stay home until she is married. they let the sister get a two year degree at the same college but won't let my gf for some reason. they did say that they didn't trust her and the year agrement thing was the last year that her sister would be there before she got a two year degree. in otherwards old sister isn't there to look after. its tough cause she don't ahve much money and don't have a car. i would have to help her with money. i feel like i am tearing a family apart but i keep telling myself its for a good cause. its tough. i want to get a long with her family incase i marry her. its is going to tear her up that her husband can't be in the same room with her father. she always puts the blame on herself or me. i keep telling her we can't its not our fault it is her parents. if they disown their daughter that shows what kind of people they really are. When she does this she don't loose a dad, her dad looses a daughter and that is because it is what he chooses. it does feel like i would be doing something wrong though, but what, help someone who needs help. how can get her out of that house if her dad don't want me around?