The accusations have to STOP!

[jessjewel]

Let me start off by saying my boyfriend & I are a young couple, both 19, and we have our lives put together pretty well. We have our own place, our own vehicles, both full time students and full time employees at pretty well paying jobs. I have been best friends with my boyfriend since the 6th grade, in September of this year, that'll mark 8 years of knowing each other. Isn't it crazy how fast time flies? We have been dating for a about a year and a half now, and everything has been pretty good. The problem is he makes HORRIBLE accusations towards me. He constantly accuses me of cheating and hanging out with people instead of being at work, which is absolute B.S. For starters, I am a heavier girl and my boyfriend is more on the skinnier, muscular body type. I have never once in my life been content with my body, but I am slowly, but surly learning how to improve my self esteem. My boyfriend makes me feel beyond belief comfortable with myself. I can take off every single article of clothing in front of him and not feel any type of way towards myself, unlike other men I have been with in the past. I have been cheated on once in the past and it hurts pretty damn bad, and I could never put anybody through that. Why does he make such negative accusations towards me? Has anybody ever had the same issue?

[ThatwasThen]

How is he in the loyalty? "They" say that if you're being constantly accused of cheating when you're not showing any signs of being unfaithful that you should look to the accuser to see what they've been up to. Make sure he's not transferring his stuff onto you kind of thing.

 

Have you told him that his accusations are not going to be tolerated any longer and to cut it the hell out?

[bulletproof]

He's treating you poorly. That reeks of insecurity and potential control issues, in my opinion. What other things does he say/do that seem questionable?

[CeeLambrini]

I was going to point out the same thing that ThatwasThen mentioned. No history of cheating, no signs, no 'evidence' against you and yet you are still being accused of cheating. I found a blog just now, just to try and explain it better which quotes

 

Another way in which a cheater will try to deflect focus away from them is to accuse you of cheating. This is because to accuse someone of cheating is to assume a high moral position (that you detest cheating). It is, of course, hypocritical for a cheater to accuse detest cheating and in this way the cheater is hoping that you assume they are acting in an entirely logical way.

 

Ironically, the cheater doesn’t realize that this dirty trick actually exposes them. If you know that you have done nothing to deserve an accusation of cheating, this is a major red flag that you are the one being cheated on. Cheaters often don’t realize how their dirty tricks can easily give them away because they don’t think far enough ahead, always bobbing and weaving from the latest threat that might expose them.

 

(original site: link removed)

 

I also think that anyone accusing for no reason knows how easy it is to do whatever their accusing someone of. He may not be cheating on you, it may not have gotten that far. He may be thinking about it, or crushing on someone else - and therefore fears the same situation will occur with you. I'm not saying you should start fighting fire with fire and begin starting fights accusing him of being the cheater, but to just be wary of this odd behaviour and maybe be a little more cautious looking out for signs that he is doing it to you.

 

More importantly is your emotional and mental wellbeing. This guy will accuse you of cheating so much that you will eventually become afraid to leave the house, in fear of his accusations. You want the relationship to remain happy so you may start calling him more times a day to somehow prove you're at work. You might cut out alone time with your friends or stay inside the house under his supervision. These are all life changes that will only isolate you in order to keep him happy.

 

If "you're pushing me away every time you accuse me of something I haven't done" isn't enough for him to snap out of it - then if I were you, I'd reconsider the relationship. Long friendships before a relationship make it hard to throw it away. Not only are you walking away from a relationship but you are walking away from a friendship too. This obviously makes it much harder, but it doesn't change the fact that he is unnecessarily making you unhappy in the relationship and doesn't intend to stop. If he is completely innocent of infidelity, and you are as well - then it is his own insecurities that are ruining the relationship and he needs to work on that himself. If he refuses and is still adamant that you're not to be trusted, then I don't believe the relationship is going to work. It takes two to work hard on a relationship, and you can't take all the weight of this issue, bending over backwards to prove your innocence. Life shouldn't be like that, relationships shouldn't be like that.