wwesn Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Well here is my situation.... Just over a month a go my girlfriend of four years had me drop her and my son off to playgroup and told me to pick them up in an hour. Well when I got back an hour later they were gone. Upon my arrival home I discovered that some of her and his clothes were missing along with a letter from her saying the relationship was over. (A little background info on our relationship....It has been a bit rocky with us fighting at times over stupid things. She did cheat on me during the four years and she told me she felt bad about it. I of course forgave her cause maybe I didn't provide her with all the love and affection she needed. She has an addiction to MSN Messenger as well as chatrooms and talking to guys behind my back). Anyhow, I spent almost a week not knowing where her and my son were. Finally she contacted me and claimed to be living at a shelter, which makes no sense to me as she was the abusive of the two of us. She has left before but has never taken our son as I was the one who has pretty much handled the day to day needs of our son (feeding, bathing, playing with and so forth). She also told me she already had another boyfriend, which in my mind is the true reason she left. Anyhow, I ended up losing my job as she let the insurance and car payments bounce so I could no longer drive the car, which she made me co-sign with he to get not even two months ago. So now here I am penniless, with no job, food running short and of course stuck with our apartment with rent now due. Understandably I am very upset, worried and depressed about the whole situation. I honestly love this girl with all my heart, I'm sure some of you must be wondering why by now, and I am so shocked that she would do this to me. Not to mention that she won't even let me see or talk to my son, who I have spent almost everyday of his life with. I spent my Christmas confined in the hospital cause all of this caused me to attempt to take my own life. Now, what should I do now? I feel so hopeless and helpless. I'm just weeks away from being evicted as I have no money and will be forced onto the streets. I really have no one else in my life as I was always left with my son and never really had time to have a social life in the last 3 year. I have no family who can help me. My only real friend is away and I have no way of contacting him for help. Last night (New Years) I spent the whole evening crying as I knew she was with her new boyfriend and it is killing me inside. The only thing I really have to live for is my son, but as I said I have no idea where he is and she won't let me see him. I am all alone and have nothing. I feel like trying to kill myself again as I really see it as the only option I have. So I am trying to see if anyone else has even remotly been in this situation and if so what did you do to get through it? I need help so badly and have no where to turn. I really would welcome any advice! Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 I'm so sorry - It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time, I can't even imagine. You have a legal right to see your child. Please don't harm yourself - your son needs you! Since you can't afford a lawyer right now, try to seek out free legal help, or check what are the laws in your state. Try to get partial custody. Start working a second job to make more money. Best wishes Annie Link to comment
wwesn Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 As for another job, I have been desperatly trying to seek one. Who know maybe I'll get a call soon, but with all the holidays recently its kinda slow. I do some work on peoples websites through a web service I run but I know the phone and internet probably will be cut soon so I'm running out of time in that regard. As for legal rights, well I've been researching that as well and it seems hopeless as I live in Canada and if you do a search on google for fathers rights in Canada (and in particular Ontario) you will see that basically the women have all the rights and the father is basically just a wallet. Link to comment
Rock_Sean Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Canada has socialized or universal medication, so if you were recently in the hospital for healthcare, and they let you go too soon, as you are still depressed and suicidal, then they really aren't doing that good of a job serving you... one step at a time, get healthy first, not depressed or lonely or helpless. 2 then look for a job. 3 make sure that you know where your ex is located so that you can still see your son. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 call the cops on her!! she has your son. yeah he is her's too, but you are his father! she basically kidnapped him! took off & ran with him...THATS KIDNAPPING TO ME!!! explain to the officers what happened & you are clueless as to what to do now! they may even inform you of local places where you can get access to food & job listings, even welfare if needed for the time being. this woman sounds like a twisted individual!! to endanger her own son by bringin a strange man into his life!! he needs his father! get the officials involved, say your son is with her & some stranger from the internet & you fear for the endangerment of your son! begin to straighten yourself out financially & take her sorry @** to court!!!! for her oweing you for child support & hopefully YOU will receive custody! i dont think the system would want to have a child be in the hands of such an irresponsible, unstable woman. call child services!!!!! we're all here for your emotional support. im so sorry you are involved with such a lunatic! i hope your son comes home soon!!! -DG724 Link to comment
wwesn Posted January 3, 2005 Author Share Posted January 3, 2005 thanks, yes I'm starting to realize she is a bit of a lunatic and its pretty sad she'd use our son against me. As for the police, god knows I've tried them more then once and they won't do a thing. Even when I say I am worried for him cause when she's at work all day then where is he? Link to comment
PrincessLinzay Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Time to lawyer up. You need to find a good family law practice and start the first steps towards custody rights. There are many practices that are willing to set up payment arrangments. They usually require an initial down payment, and then from there you can make monthly installments. You'll want to start by getting letters of recommendation from friends, family, co-workers, pretty much anyone who will vouch for the fact that you have been the main caregiver and bread-winner. Take those with you to the lawyer because they will ask for them. You'll also want to start making general lists of expenses. Approximately how much money you were investing into your sons care on a monthly basis. Include, living arrangements, food, child care, doctors visits, etc. You'll also want to arrange for a paternity test. This will grant you visitation rights. Once paternity and custody arrangements are established, THEN you can call the cops on her when she tries to keep your son from you. Good Luck~! Link to comment
Russ7284 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Yes indeed, call the police. This just recently happened to a friend of mine, his wife took off with their kid. He called the police and they found the kid, now he has full custody and she is facing kidnappping charges. Also, I know how it is to not have a car, my wife just totaled mine then left me so i haven't a vehicle either. I just rely on my friends to help me, and my co-workers. In my line of work there is a strong bond between co-worker because our lives depend on eachother every day. Maybe your neighbor can take you to work, maybe you can find a job in a nearby complex, and there is always mass transit. Please do not hurt yourself. There is so much to live for and think of who you will be hurting if you do. Think about the pain your family will have to go though and that your son will have to grow up without knowing his father. Think about how a parents worst fear is outliving their child and what that will do to your parents. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Good luck and I hope you find your son. Link to comment
Russ7284 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 one mor ething, if you havent heard from them in a few days you can file a missing persons. Link to comment
wwesn Posted January 4, 2005 Author Share Posted January 4, 2005 well she tells me to not do it in court, she says now that she wants to go to a mediator and then I'll get him half of the week. Should I go along with her or not? Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 wow, to be honest w/ you thats a very personal & difficult decision. if i were you id still get a lawyer b/c you MAY have a chance at FULL custody. get a lawyer & then go to this mediator. explain to your lawyer she is unstable, too spontaneous, impulsive & irresponsible. and how you feel with your child being in custody of a woman like that you fear the danger that may be inflicted onto your son. not to mention the emotional stress that will be instilled onto him, that can do a lot of damage to a child. just keep going on & on detailing every last ounce of why hes better off with you & not her. -DG724 Link to comment
wwesn Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 thanks for the advice. Its a good idea, I will involve a lawyer. Obviously she doesn't want to take it to court cause she is worried about the outcome. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 i agree. keep us posted. GOODLUCK!!! -DG724 Link to comment
avman Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Please understand that a mediated solution is usually best for everyone involved. With a mediator, you two work out something you can both live with and you are much more likely to have an outcome that your ex will actually follow. In many areas (not sure about Canada), the court will order you to go through mediation before a trial anyway. And if you can get 50/50 custody through a mediated settlement thats actually quite a good deal for you, your ex, and the child as well. Not to mention its a heck of a lot cheaper than fighting each other in court. You are right that you will face an uphill battle as the unmarried father of the child in court. So mediation could be a really good alternative. Also, you have nothing to lose. If you can't work it out in mediation you still have the option of the court. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 u can get a lawyers opinion w/o having to go to court though. -DG724 Link to comment
avman Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Thats very true. No harm in that either. Link to comment
wwesn Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 thought I'd post a little update. Well I actually feel alot better. Don't get me wrong, I do love her and always will but I realize now that I'd probably just feel worse or get hurt even more being in relationship with someone who seems to have no heart and who only seems to want to hurt me. How I'd love to do the whole NC thing with her as I know not talking to her would make me feel a heck of a lot better but having a young child together kind of rules that out. But I have been dating again and I realize now that there are actually people out there who will treat me way better then she ever would! Speaking of my son, I get he is with me every other week from Wed till Sat and in between those weeks - every other week from Wed. till Sun. So three nights one week and 4 the next. It sure is not the same as having him around every day but I suppose we'll manage to get by and it makes the time we do get to spend together more special and gives me something to look forward to when we're apart. Thanks everyone for the advice Link to comment
wwesn Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 Well I am such an idiot! We never ended up in court or mediation but we did draw up an agreent between ourselves and for some reason she made me sign it in front of a notary public. Well it worked fine from Feb. till now. I had him with me half the week and she had him with her half the week (though technically because she worked so much he spent more time with me then the agreement gave me.) Guess what! I am back to square one again. On Sunday she disappeared with my child and no one knows where they are. So here I am again lost and angry and not knowing what the hell to do! Any advice would be appreciated! Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Call the police.........or whatever version you guys have of the FBI. This chick is a nut job bro, and this is the second time shes done this. Thats kidnapping. Put that bird in a cage where it belongs. Link to comment
avman Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I agree, call the police and call an attorney. Link to comment
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