How much contact do you have with exes from past times?

[Marlee]

Question. After having been dumped and it leading to more heartache than I could have imagined, I have started to think back at my past relationships. I ended many of them. And thinking about it now, I probably broke some hearts myself, especially when I was younger and pretty wreckless.

 

It has made me want to reach out to a few of my old exes to say I’m sorry, and that I now understand what I might have put them through. (I am talking about way long ago boyfriends, from like 10-15 years ago, who of course have all moved on with their lives)

 

Just curious to know if any one else experienced this and if any of you actually have done it? Or if you have been contacted yourselves for this reason, years later by someone that once broke up with you.

 

How much contact do you have with old exes?

[mhowe]

You have been recently dumped and now want to troll your past and see who is "available".

 

Don't. Especially ones that are 10-15 years ago. Most likely they are long since married and have forgotten your time together.

People date, and break up. It is not something that needs to be revisited after a decade.

 

There is no point in contacting old ex's. Ever.

[panther]

I personally don't have any interest in being in contact or friends with ex boyfriends.

I have one though. It was a 3 month relationship about four years ago. We broke up with minor dramas mainly because there was a 12 year age gap and he had a child. It was clear we didn't have a future together since he was at a stage of his life where he didn't want more children and me still with an open future ahead and desiring to have all options open for me.

I don't talk to him on a dailiy basis, usually more just to congratulate each other on birthdays. And a few times I seeked for his opinions on matters in my life, like work and also once on relationship problems.

We don't meet personally either. Well I am in a different country now, but we didn't meet either before I moved here and don't meet when I am home for holidays.

 

I believe there are many cases when a friendship after a relationship is possible. Sometimes people were never in love and break ups are easy, like this case. They got along well though, so they have potential to be good friends.

 

I have a friend of mine, who once told me for her it is important for her healing after a break up, to talk to the other person and understand what went wrong. I personally don't understand very well this point of view, but we are all different and have different needs.

[Marlee]

No no no, you misunderstand mhowe. I have absolutely ZERO interest in getting back with any of my old exes (I have since moved to London, so even if I did want to, we live on different continents). It's not that. This has all just got me asking questions. About the impact you can have on someone else's life without even knowing. I am willing to bet that my new ex, a.k.a the heartbreaker, is clueless to how much he has hurt me.

 

Just got me thinking that's all.

 

Also, I am actually friendly with a couple of my exes. Never been a big deal for me after som time has gone by.

[mhowe]

I think that generally speaking, the impact of a break up is short lived.

 

I cannot even remember most of the break ups in my life, and I am sure I felt them deeply at the time.

[Edmund Exley]

I think that generally speaking, the impact of a break up is short lived.

 

I cannot even remember most of the break ups in my life, and I am sure I felt them deeply at the time.

 

My pain from a breakup ended the second I fell in love with someone new.

[Marlee]

I suppose you're right. Puts things in to perspective, I guess. Hard to see beyond when you're in the thick of it.

[3Tears]

I don't talk to any of em lol

[poetryandlyrics]

Only one, but it's an exception for two reasons.

For the mainstream world, I only dated him briefly for a week (I don't count it, lol) and we were friends before that. But mostly it's because we are deaf. In the Deaf community, it is different. Everybody knows each other. It's a collective community. It's common to stay friends afterwards and were friends before or even see or talk to each other randomly.

Second one, not even. Hearing guy and I refuse to.

[DancingFool]

None.

Be careful about over estimating your impact on people. Someone you dated 10-15 years ago may not even remember you or have long forgotten the details of what happened and that will make for one awkward conversation. Contacting them under a presumption that you had such a lasting impact on their life is kind of arrogant and will make you look like a crazy person even if people don't tell you so outright.

[IAmFCA]

The most impactful exes I have no contact with, though they are available to me. The connection remains intimate despite either of our intentions. Boundaries that should be there just aren't. At least, that is how it feels for me; I don't pretend to speak for any of my exes.

 

I am fb friends with one, occasionally exchange out of the blue messages with another.

 

Meaningful contact? No, not with any. That behavior stopped in my 20s and I don't miss it one bit. Glad my friendships are based on a different foundation now; then, I would have argued with the statement I just made, now, I understand it differently.

[Tanzi]

None if I can help it, regardless of whether I was or wasn't the dumper. I have a couple of ex's on FB actually but we rarely interact. I'm sure they only requested me to build up their numbers!

 

Those hearts you may have broken … well they would have fixed eventually and I doubt they give it any thought now. Most likely they see all their experiences (with you and/or anyone else thereafter) as necessary lessons in life that we all have to go through. Some may even have ended subsequent relationships and realised that no-one sets out to purposely hurt anyone.

 

Even if I did want to reach out to past ex's to say sorry, I wouldn't do it. Why disrupt their lives with a long forgotten past? Why cause a potentially awkward situation for them with any current partner's or spouses.

[Marlee]

None.

Be careful about over estimating your impact on people. Someone you dated 10-15 years ago may not even remember you or have long forgotten the details of what happened and that will make for one awkward conversation. Contacting them under a presumption that you had such a lasting impact on their life is kind of arrogant and will make you look like a crazy person even if people don't tell you so outright.

 

Haha, you're right of course. In my defense I am actually feeling like a completely crazy person at the moment....

[Zuri]

I have very limited contact with an ex from 15 years ago. He is the only one of my exes worth keeping in contact.

 

I seem to have extremely poor judgement and as a result, all my other exes are truly crappy relationship material and not people I'd want in my life in any way....not even limited contact... whether they dumped me or I dumped them. And I have never been dumped by a guy who did not come back. Those are THE WORSE because when you finally get a backbone those people refuse to go away until you get mean. I consider myself a nice person so when someone forces me to get MEAN I hate it.

 

Anyway, I agree with DancingFool, too.