moundshroud Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year; we currently live together, and it is a pretty serious relationship. Next Friday is my birthday. I had made plans for us to spend time together and go out of town (driving distance) and do a few fun things to celebrate the occasion. With her already aware of the plans, she still went ahead and volunteered to work an an art event, which also entailed her flying an old male friend into town to help her with the event. While he is in town we will have to both house and entertain him. Here's the kicker: she used to have a crush on him. Trying to be what I thought was reasonable, I agreed to all of this. Except now, I kinda feel like I'm being stepped all over. Is it unreasonable for me to think she was being selfish? If so, how should I approach her about it? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 not unreasonable, not being selfish. I don't see why this art event trumps your bday?? hm. Especially if she was aware of your plans (and she had a crush on him!!) Link to comment
luminousone Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I would be upset. However, you did agree with it. You can't blame her for your own part in this, which is that you did not honor your own feelings nor did you express them to your gf. I think you need to make it clear what your expectations are for your birthday or other important occasions for the future. It sounds like it is too late for this one, but a talk with her about how you are hurt that she didn't place much importance on your birthday and your time together is an important talk to initiate. If you don't tell her your feelings then how will she know? Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 This is not reasonable. How disrespectful to you. I doubt she's going to be your girlfriend much longer. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I honestly would love to know what goes on inside your GF's head and how she can think this is acceptable Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Your girlfriend is certainly out of line. However, you need to learn how to speak up for yourself and should have done so the moment that she announced her volunteering plans. Significant others are just people. Meaning that if you don't stand up for yourself and just say yes to whatever she does, it's only natural that she will take you for granted and do what she pleases without any consideration for you. When you act like a doormat, you will be treated like it even by the nicest person on this planet. Link to comment
and so it goes Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I honestly would love to know what goes on inside your GF's head and how she can think this is acceptable What goes on in her head "hmm, i'm pretty sure I can get away with this, b/f is totally into me, this will blow over and I'll get what I want How is it acceptable to her " I'm me, y'all, don't ya know?" Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 WOW, how would ANYTHING trump your birthday? That is ridiculous! I take birthdays very serious - its the day to celebrate the day you came into the world and especially if I care and love someone a lot, I usually go all out for their birthdays. This is absurd to me, I am baffled but all of it! Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Wow, I'm at a loss to say anything. You do know that's not something a girlfriend should be doing right? I smell breakup in the ozone or at least I hope I do. Seriously, why are you even with this girl??? That's beyond cold. Link to comment
freewill1234 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year; we currently live together, and it is a pretty serious relationship. Can't be that serious of a relationship if she made other plans on your b-day and to top it off is flying an old male friend she used to have a crush on. Let her go do her art thing but don't be home waiting for her when she comes back. And start to rethink your situation. You might be serious about her but she might not be as serious about you. Sorry to sound harsh but this could very well be the case. Link to comment
SophieGrace Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Awwww - I'm so sorry. That sucks. The big question is - did you remind her that the two of you had plans when she said she booked an art volunteer evening? How did she react? That is where the meat is - did you tell her your feelings about the change of plans and were your feelings important to her, or did you just brush your own feelings away as if they didn't matter? In other words, how complicit were you in the new arrangement in terms of speaking up about how you felt about it? You show people how to treat you by your actions, and if you agreed to this without a fuss you can hardly fault her. Not enough info in your initial post. All that aside, happy birthday from me to you dear moundshroud! If it were me, I'd probably take the trip alone anyway to celebrate another year on this beautiful planet. What a cool adventure right? (if you can refrain from worrying about the gf and her former crush) Link to comment
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