sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 That's a hard lesson to learn for obsessive types like myself. Kind of difficult not to spin on those breadcrumbs I've been getting. The breadcrumbs are themselves a very bad sign. I respected my then-ex enough not to try to keep him on the backburner as a Plan B or a "friend". Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 You see, if I break no contact, its not going to be by snooping every social media she has, it'll be by texts, I know how to protect myself, I'd rather she ignore me because she has moved on than seeing pictures of her with another guy. You've been watching those "how to get your ex back" videos, so of course you think it's best to stay in contact and try to manipulate your ex into wanting to reconcile. If any of those hack systems worked.... we'd all be doing them and posting about how great they are! Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 The breadcrumbs are themselves a very bad sign. I respected my then-ex enough not to try to keep him on the backburner as a Plan B or a "friend". I wonder if she wants her hand held. I didn't find out. I don't understand it, she had been threatening to break up with me over the last 6 months if I upset her, which I inevitably did. So she got what she wanted. I would assume her life is perfect now that I'm gone. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I wonder if she wants her hand held. I didn't find out. I don't understand it, she had been threatening to break up with me over the last 6 months if I upset her, which I inevitably did. So she got what she wanted. I would assume her life is perfect now that I'm gone. I'm sorry.... it sounds like you're going through a really rough time, even if it wasn't completely unexpected. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I'm sorry.... it sounds like you're going through a really rough time, even if it wasn't completely unexpected. Thanks. I guess that's my "obsessive" nature. Looking forward to the day when I can just let it all go. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Breakups can turn anyone obsessive! Especially when you're going through a Bargaining stage, trying to negotiate your way back in.... acceptance takes time. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 It's especially frustrating when I find myself "bargaining" with myself!! I didn't bargain with her. I asked her if we could work on the issue, and she replied "no." So I got up and left. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 It's especially frustrating when I find myself "bargaining" with myself!! I didn't bargain with her. I asked her if we could work on the issue, and she replied "no." So I got up and left. Yes, most of the stages you go through are internal processes and struggles within yourself..... denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Yes, most of the stages you go through are internal processes and struggles within yourself..... denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance. Can't we just skip it and get on with our lives? I mean I've been through it multiple times before this, so I figure I've already paid the price!! (I guess I'm bargaining again) Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Yet when all is said and done, we all come to the same conclusion, "If they wanted to be with us, they would." Link to comment
kitkat620 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 You know reading through some of these posts (OP included) it seems some people just don't get what a break up is. And that is so sad. There is no twisting of the words break up to mean anything other than what it is intended: a break between two people that were once a whole. Yes it does hurt when someone dumps you, but it is survivable. So many posters here are living proof of that, me included. It doesn't mean we hadn't gone through the feelings you are going through right now, we have, and we have also experienced what works and what doesn't. You shouldn't be thinking about what you need to do, or how you need to act so your ex knows you'll be available if they want you back again, you should be thinking of ways to build up your emotional strength, and prove to yourself that you can live a happy and fulfilling life without humiliating yourself for someone who has made it perfectly clear that they don't want you in their life. Link to comment
JayCho Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Yet when all is said and done, we all come to the same conclusion, "If they wanted to be with us, they would." Not to thread jack, but this is exactly what I needed to hear right now, thank you! Link to comment
jphcbpa Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 It's especially frustrating when I find myself "bargaining" with myself!! I didn't bargain with her. I asked her if we could work on the issue, and she replied "no." So I got up and left. That is all you can do..invite her to work on the issue... I did the same thing...told her we have some good really good things in our rel (we dont argue or fight, no cheating ect) and would you be willing to work on this together. She said, "no, I want to work on this on my own". that was it...I got up and we left....nothing else left to say...I was not going to beg her. Link to comment
jphcbpa Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Breakups can turn anyone obsessive! Especially when you're going through a Bargaining stage, trying to negotiate your way back in.... acceptance takes time. I am learning that what people have been telling me, that healing is NOT linear...the bargaining circles back around and around. Link to comment
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