mhowe Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Thx, just being curious as I'm coming out of that situation myself as you know ... It's hard ... Did he tried contacting you during those 4 months of NC ? And if he did, did you ignore it ? I did, I kinda feel guilty though ... Lolitaaa ---- your situation and mine are completely different. You had a miscarriage, he was your boss...... My situation --- he had things he had to deal with....$$, health, etc. We NEVER stopped loving each other, or trusting each other. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I keep that "hat in hand" analogy at the front of my mind. Her father's day card, and last week's "how are you text" aren't good enough. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Lolitaaa ---- your situation and mine are completely different. You had a miscarriage, he was your boss...... My situation --- he had things he had to deal with....$$, health, etc. We NEVER stopped loving each other, or trusting each other. Just want to add that he became my boss after we started a Relationship, not that it's important, just sayen ... And yes, he hurt me very much, I'm just being curious since he has been trying to contact me, I'm not comparing your case with mine, it's out of curiosity. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I keep that "hat in hand" analogy at the front of my mind. Her father's day card, and last week's "how are you text" aren't good enough. Good for you. Had I received a card or a text I would not have responded. Here is what you need: I was wrong, and I am sorry. So sorry. I know I hurt you and you have every right not to forgive me. I made a mistake. I love you and hope that you can find it in your heart to give me another chance. Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I keep that "hat in hand" analogy at the front of my mind. Her father's day card, and last week's "how are you text" aren't good enough. I think the correct word for them is breadcrumbs, throwing a few your way and hoping your will do cartwheels rushing for them Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Just want to add that he became my boss after we started a Relationship, not that it's important, just sayen ... And yes, he hurt me very much, I'm just being curious since he has been trying to contact me, I'm not comparing your case with mine, it's out of curiosity. I understand that --- but checking to see how long NC and if they reach out....you are comparing apples and oranges. Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I understand that --- but checking to see how long NC and if they reach out....you are comparing apples and oranges. mhowe, you are so cool! Tough yes but cool. We need tough love and break up can really screw up someone's psyche Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 mhowe, you are so cool! Say what? Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Good for you. Had I received a card or a text I would not have responded. Here is what you need: I was wrong, and I am sorry. So sorry. I know I hurt you and you have every right not to forgive me. I made a mistake. I love you and hope that you can find it in your heart to give me another chance. I think the correct word for them is breadcrumbs, throwing a few your way and hoping your will do cartwheels rushing for them Thanks both of you. Both excellent posts. Just what I needed since I'm second guessing myself (again) today. Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Say what? You say it like it is even if we want to continue to believe in our delusions. Break ups are tough really tough. I rely on this forum otherwise my friends just talk to me like I will crack the very minute they tell it to me like it is Link to comment
3Tears Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 I made this post because I've seen a lot around these forums people that have actually reconciled and yes they have done no contact to some extent, but not forever like I've seen people tell others to do, they've reached out at some point and they have gotten back together and the rest that have gone NC all the way have never gotten their exes back, from what I've seen. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 It begs certain questions like what was the quality of the relationships, and how many of them went up in flames again? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 OP....I didn't reach out to him. He dumped me...I went NC...totally...and he came back and apologized. If he hadn't....I would not have reached out. Link to comment
3Tears Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 It doesn't matter if the ones that gotten back together broke up again because they obviously didn't work on what caused the relationship to fail in the first place, and I could say that I've been taking care of that myself. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I was a dumper who reconciled after complete NC. If you read through the getting back together stories, most LASTING reconciliations happen after an extended period of NC. Not just a few weeks or a month or two -- but many months, if not years. The most important factor is.... that the re-initiation of contact comes from the DUMPER. Most of the people who post here are Dumpees, looking to *get their ex back* almost immediately after the breakup. How many reconciliations do you see that happen THAT way? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 It begs certain questions like what was the quality of the relationships, and how many of them went up in flames again? Full NC let my bf see what his life would be like without me. We reconciled and while we took a break while my mother was dying...we are back together. And we will be together for the rest of our lives. We just came back from vacation in the Greek Islands and are living together. Stronger...better than ever. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Full NC let my bf see what his life would be like without me. But the dumper has to have an epiphany like your bf did. How many people are capable of that? My ex is very hard headed. She may "let" me come back today still smug about her ideas about things between us. That's not what I want. I want what you posted to me above; sadly I doubt if I'll get it. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 But the dumper has to have an epiphany like your bf did. How many people are capable of that? My ex is very hard headed. She may "let" me come back today still smug about her ideas about things between us. That's not what I want. I want what you posted to me above; sadly I doubt if I'll get it. Yes -- most breakups are permanent because most dumpers don't change their mind. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Yes -- most breakups are permanent because most dumpers don't change their mind. I feel without said "epiphany," you only go back to the same problems anyway. The problems that will doom the relationship AGAIN. Really, I think it's best to eventually start all over with someone else and learn from your mistakes. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 That wasn't the case for me. I went back to the *same old relationship* and we were together over 20 years! Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Well, as you even allude to, you are definitely an exception to the rule. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I only mention it because my ex didn't need to do anything to *improve himself* or stay in contact to change my mind. All it took was an extended period of total NC. If it's going to happen, it happens -- you won't have to do any work to make it happen. Link to comment
AgroAgogo Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 i was reading through this and i thought to myself "maybe giving her time would help. maybe shes trying to reach me but cant because i cut her off". quite possibly the worst mistake i made. Unblocked her on fb and pictures of her and the new guy everywhere. Right back to square one. The last i heard from her was late may after the break up. If you do break NC i would advise preparing for worst case scenario. In my case i probably should have known better. Link to comment
hurtinheart Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 If it's going to happen, it happens -- you won't have to do any work to make it happen. That's a hard lesson to learn for obsessive types like myself. Kind of difficult not to spin on those breadcrumbs I've been getting. Link to comment
3Tears Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 You see, if I break no contact, its not going to be by snooping every social media she has, it'll be by texts, I know how to protect myself, I'd rather she ignore me because she has moved on than seeing pictures of her with another guy. Link to comment
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