Back again :( feeling down

[fire2therain]

So..my ex (who was the addict I had talked about in my previous posts a year ago) and I officially/for good ended things. He had been "sober" for a year. Had some relapses..got better. I always stuck by his side and never listened to anyone's advice.

 

Now that he has dumped me yet again--I'm moving back home. I had don everything for him and there was no more that I can do. I am tired of him pulling me in different directions--one day he loves me the next day he's out with an ex who also happens to be in recovery. I'm just done. I never left his side and although his family HATES (and I mean HATES) me for no reason, I put up with their verbal abuse because I really did care and love him. Each time we would "break up" he would say how I saved him and how he neeeds me in his life still etc. this time is different though. I decided to move back home which has been what I've wanted to do for some time now.

 

It's hard..he acts like he doesn't care then he'll message me after I express my feelings that I make him feel like an and sorry he wasn't good enough etc. I'm done with his games. We're in our 20s (he's 24 I'm 22) and he's already gone back to a girl who he is "in love with" that he's known since he was 15. A fellow recovering heroin addict.

 

Things actually ended okay--I told him it's okay that he's in love already. Him and I both deserve it after the craziness of the past year and a half. Then he goes on to say he doesn't love her an doesn't want to hang out with her anymore.

 

I leave in a few days and I'm never comin back here. There's no reason for me to. I know him, and I know he thinks I'm always going to be there for him to catch him when he falls but I need to learn to catch myself first. I've become codependent, depressed, stressed out and basically the worst version of myself since I've been with him. He was very emotionally abusive and him and I had a very toxic and intense relationship.

 

I know he's going to want to see me before I leave town for good but I don't even know if that's a good idea. It probably isn't. I just need to be free of him and move on. I know I can do it! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel..it's just hard. One thing that's sticking with me is what my dad says "put your oxygen mask on first before helping others" and i completely disregarded that in our relationship. No wonder he treated me like garbage--I continued to let it happen.

 

I'm just venting. I blocked him on fb and all social media. He doesn't even own a cell phone so i don't worry about that. It's tough because I know his passwords and wanting to snoop and see what he's up to has been an itch that I haven't scratched and don't plan to.

[fire2therain]

Reading my posts from a year ago makes me wonder why I didn't run from the hills..

 

I definitely have a better handle on things now and deep down I know I deserve someone who treats me with the same love and respect i give them.

He had no job, lived with his parents and didn't go to school. I am an intelligent, working girl who is almost done with her degree (I got kicked out because of an incident he had with the police as my guest on campus)

 

I deserve so much better now that I've written all this out. Oh my lord. It's time to fall in love with myself again because i have never felt so insecure in my life.

[sailsup555]

Sounds to me like you can do way better and deserve way better! One day you will look back at this relationship and be happy that it is over. You are still young and have so much ahead of you!

[ParisPaulette]

Congratulations. You are at the stage where you have finally acknowledged that it is time to go. Do not see him one last time. If he contacts you tell him to leave. Then you go. Yes, it hurts, but you already know the ending of any contact with him will mean him manipulating you once again.

 

Surround yourself with family and friends, recover and stay in NC, do not look at what he's up to since that will just feed the addiction you now have to break essentially. And I would suggest you get some counseling or maybe read self-help books about how not to make yourself a co-dependent anything with no boundaries. Help is best reserved for those who really want it and are always grateful for your help and help you in return. If someone takes and takes though it doesn't matter how much you bend over backwards they will just keep walking on you and happily doing so.

 

He will not believe that you are gone for good. He'll think he can continue to manipulate you and that very likely will always be his mindset. So it's up to you to maintain no contact, no matter what he says, no matter what he does. No matter whether he contacts you again or not. Tell yourself you are done each and every day. Make a list of all of the bad things next to all of the good things, so you can see how much he doesn't stack up. Pull it out and read it to remind yourself each and every time you're tempted or start the self-deception again of "It wasn't all that bad."

 

You will get through this, but you need to walk away for good and cut him out of your life forever. Just do it.

[mahipahl]

life is short, stop wasting time on a relationship that isn't working and hasn't been for years. you can and will find someone that brings you all the things you desire but not until you leave him, deal with being alone for awhile (actually good to do), move on with your life. Do you want to log on here 2 years from now talking about the wasted years again with him, my God by that time you would have found someone to love by then and they love you