What is the deal with this girl?

[StayTrueToYou]

Long story... if you don't want to read it all, just skip to the bolded part. I am sure you can still give a solid opinion on the matter.

 

Haven't been on here in a while... have been single for almost 2 years, extremely happy, and well... then I met a girl that I actually liked. Haha. Cue the Jaws theme song....

 

Was seeing this girl for a few weeks... but it was a little different than normal (at least for me). This was set-up by a parent of one of my swimmers and one of her students. We started talking through text for a few days... and for the first date, we went out and had a few beers. Completely random but important to a later part of the story... we both had discussed that we were currently trying online dating as well. Shared a bunch of crappy date stories which are always fun. We really hit it off and had a great time, so we decided to go out to a nice dinner the following night. The next night, she invited me to go to a beer garden with her. I got to her place, we started walking to the beer garden, and she tells me that her best friend will be joining us as well. I was worried at first, but it really could not have gone any better. After a night of paying for all of the drinks, dancing around to 'I wanna dance with somebody', and carrying her friend on my back for the duration of the walk home... the girl I was talking to and I got intimate. 3rd date seems normal if things are going well... no big deal. Took a few days off of seeing her because she had family in town, and I had swim stuff... but the following week, we were right back at it. Went to dinner one night, stayed at her place. Wanted me to come over the following night (since it was the last day of school for both of us), so I did... met all of her work friends out at the bar... even was able to set one of her friends up with an interview at my school since they got destaffed due to enrollment cuts. Went back to her place again, stayed the night... and that was the point where things started to get weird...

 

I was very open from the beginning that I am not looking to date just for the hell of it. I am looking for a relationship with someone that I actually really enjoy being around for more than a couple dates. I am also a pain in the ass at times, so I would like to find someone who can stand being around me as well. She agreed with me and said that she didn't want to waste mine or her time. Anyway, that night, she tells me that she wants to take this slow... tells me that she is "tough to crack and doesn't want to get hurt by anyone again." I tell her right after that she can take as much time as she needs, but that I am already sold. Maybe thats where my big mistake was... but it only seemed right to let her know that I was not going to be someone who would just be in this for sex. I actually enjoyed having conversations with her, listening to her talk, her little facial mannerisms, the way she interacted with people, her background, etc. Anyway, we kept talking that night, and before we went to sleep, we shared one of those extremely intimate moments where you can just feel it and it seems like nothing else matters. I'm assuming everyone reading this has felt that at least once in their lives. I have had 2 serious relationships in my life (if you read my previous posts, you can probably dig up something about those) and I can only remember sharing a moment like that with these 3 specific girls. So obviously, the next morning I was all pumped up and went to swim practice feeling like a million bucks.

 

That weekend, I was going to the beach for a friends engagement party and she had friends from college coming into town to visit. We knew we wouldn't be seeing each other for a few days, so that last night, we decided to go see the new transformers movie together (her suggestion - and I wasn't gonna say no. haha). I had to be up early the next day for practice and she had something going on as well so I didn't stay the night and just went home. The next day she tells me she wished I had spent the night, and was clearly upset that I didn't take that initiative. I explained to her that if she told me she really wanted me to, I still would have... but since she had been saying how tired she was, I figured I should just go home. Haha. Anyway, that night shes out with her friends (clearly hammered) and starts texting me. I knew it was trouble from the start, but figured I would play along. Doesn't really matter what was said exactly, but at some point, she dropped something about how she's not ready to date exclusively and that I should start dating other people if thats what I want to do. Haha... now this crap drives me nuts because I was very clear just a couple of nights before. I reiterated again that I am not interested in dating anyone else right now, that there was no pressure on her to make this exclusive... but that I don't want to be dating multiple people at once. She said she's not talking to or pursuing anyone else... but she just doesn't want to feel pressured. That ended it... for the night.

 

That next day, we didn't talk very much but were still exchanging texts back and forth... but sometime during the mid-afternoon, one of my buddies (who is on link removed) said that he saw this girls picture when he was on earlier and thought he should let me know... I texted her saying "I don't get you". I know, I know... there was my mistake since she clearly said she didn't want to be exclusive yet, and I realized practically immediately that me saying that did the complete opposite. She texted me back saying "What??", and I came up with some BS excuse. Obviously she didn't buy it... put on the pressure, I kept telling her it was really nothing at all and that she should enjoy her night with her friends... that we could talk when I got back the next day if she still wanted to.

 

Well, waaaaay later that night, she was drunk... I was drunk... she called me, and I answered... shot the and were telling funny stories back and forth from the day, and then she asks me what I meant once again. I tried dancing around the real issue because at that point I honestly didn't care anymore... but eventually she got it out of me. After I told her that "my friend saw you were on match and it just bothered me for a second" she starts saying "woooooooow, wooooooow wooooooow" haha and then tells me that she was on because her friend was thinking about signing up and wanted to see what it was like. Calls me crazy. Says she's going to bed. I try to explain myself, but she won't let me get a word out without interrupting (I figured she was just drunk so I said goodnight). Next morning, I get a text basically saying that she thinks I am a great guy and that she really likes me, but that she's not ready for what I clearly am looking for. Disappointed, I obviously try and plead my case... and she doesn't want to hear any of it. So, I decide to give her the space that she clearly wants...

I'm not gonna lie... I have been pretty down about it all week. You wouldn't be able to tell looking at me or while I am out with my buddies/coaching/etc... but when I am alone in the car or before bed, I am thinking about her and trying to figure out where I went wrong. Getting that urge to call her to see if she wants to meet up for drinks to talk it out or something. But I figure that if its meant to be, she'll initiate contact.

 

Well today (July 4), she texts me and says "Hey! Happy 4th. I actually made a last second decision to go down to the lake with one of my friends and all of his other guy friends to stay on a houseboat and camp." I didn't respond as ridiculously as I was thinking inside, but I said... "well that sounds like a good time. Be careful though. And thank you, you too But honestly... I am sure you can imagine whats going through my mind.

 

Heres my question for you guys though... why the hell would this girl text me something like that out of the blue after we haven't talked for almost a week? Maybe she's trying to make me jealous, but why in the world would you go that route to make a guy you like jealous? Or, she is just trying to get under my skin for some reason. But once again, I did nothing to her... so why would she feel the need to piss me off like that?

 

Any opinions would be helpful. I'm just frustrated as hell, not necessarily looking for this to go anywhere. But curious about your thoughts.

[SooSad33]

". After I told her that "my friend saw you were on match and it just bothered me for a second" she starts saying "woooooooow, wooooooow wooooooow" haha and then tells me that she was on because her friend was thinking about signing up and wanted to see what it was like. Calls me crazy. Says she's going to bed. I try to explain myself, but she won't let me get a word out without interrupting (I figured she was just drunk so I said goodnight). Next morning, I get a text basically saying that she thinks I am a great guy and that she really likes me, but that she's not ready for what I clearly am looking for."

- This all says a LOT.

I feel you two are not on the same road. Not compatible, as you were really getting into her, but she was cautioning you...

She got on the defensive side and yes, could have lied about WHY she was back on the dating site.

Either way, she's told you more than once how she is 'still out in the open' and not into being exclusive.

 

This.. >> "she dropped something about how she's not ready to date exclusively and that I should start dating other people if thats what I want to do. Haha... now this crap drives me nuts because I was very clear just a couple of nights before."

 

So, I suggest to leave it all alone now. Move along and let her do her 'searching'. I dont think she is what you're really looking for anyways. ( vice versa).

[missmarple]

Heres my question for you guys though... why the hell would this girl text me something like that out of the blue after we haven't talked for almost a week? Maybe she's trying to make me jealous, but why in the world would you go that route to make a guy you like jealous?

 

She's not trying to make you jealous. She just wants to keep the lines of communication open. She may want to sleep with you again if she ever feels like it.

If I were you, I wouldn't have responded at all. You want different things.

[rnorth]

I'm sorry you fell in with this girl. I've been there before with unavailable but appealing women who play tug-o-war with my feelings. From experience, she's a head case. Not a bad person, but not relationship-worthy. Move on and protect yourself from further heartache.

[overthemoon86]

Hi! I was actually just reading your latest post with the girl that seems to be playing some serious mind games with you....is this the same girl???

[weathergirl]

Hi! I was actually just reading your latest post with the girl that seems to be playing some serious mind games with you....is this the same girl???

 

moon, it's a different girl. He met the new girl (who's playing serious mind games with him) in late July. Check his first post on the other thread about the "mind games" girl. He created the thread on August 7th and he said he met her a week and a half prior to that.

[StayTrueToYou]

Yes both different girls... Haha. I sure know how to pick them. Now maybe you believe me when I say I'm not distraught after this latest one. Seems like a common trend... girl likes the cute teacher guy for sex... But relationship?? No way... Gotta get that $$$.

 

See what these girls don't know (because I refuse to tell them) is that I actually own my own business as well which provides 3/4 of my salary and is growing fast because we're the only ones that offer it. But why tell them? I don't need to gold digger ruining my life.

 

Moral of the story... Find a girl in hs and college when money is practically a non-factor. Haha

[StayTrueToYou]

And by 'cute teacher' I meant "awwwww he's a teacher - how sweet" type of cute.

[overthemoon86]

I think these two girls are exceptions, lol...definitely not the norm. I would say most girls in the late twenties are looking for a relationship considering the majority of their friends (mine included) are in serious relationships or getting married.

 

Maybe I am naive, but I didn't know that money was such a big object of desire in a relationship for a girl. It isn't for me anyway...I make my own money, I can finance myself, and it's always been a really big priority of mine to be self sufficient. I have never been after anyone for their money...you can make $5 or $5million, doesn't matter to me, as long the relationship is good.

 

I think the first girl freaked out, she might have thought things were progressing too quickly and then got scared, pushing you away. She might have had a bad experience with a previous relationship causing her to be very guarded and in this case run away.

 

The second girl, I cannot figure out for the life of me haha. It sounds like she has some crazy emotional things going on with wanting to be with you every second to never wanting to talk to you again. (Sounds like the last guy I was with).

 

Don't worry, the right things will fall into place when they are meant to. That's what I keep telling myself.

[StayTrueToYou]

Could just be the DC area... I've lived here most of my life and it's just the way it is. I'm sure most guys from my area would agree. And, of course.. I am biased... All of my closest guy friends married their high school/college sweethearts. And they all seem to be the happiest couples that I know.

That said, I don't think that's the way the rest of the country works... Just select cities I guess.

 

Second girl was in her early 20s... So it makes sense why she'd be little more flakey (which I expected)... Bit this is extreme. Haha. Oh well, live and learn. Everything happens for a reason... It's all just a waiting game.

[overthemoon86]

It could just be me, lol. I am from CT and I would say most people are pretty money hungry...especially in the corporate world, but I never equated relationships to that. Most of my best friends are married as well to either college or high school boyfriends. I was with my college boyfriend for over 5 years, but I wanted to get married and he didn't so that was the end of that haha. And now that I am dating again, I certainly don't go looking for certain professions or guys with lots of money, I want to find the right connection.

 

And yea second girl...i don't even know about her haha, what about the first girl? Have you ever talked to her again?

[weathergirl]

IDK about the money being the reason they're off and running. I mean, they both knew from the getgo that you were a teacher, and it didn't bother them then, right?

 

And with the second girl...wow, after only knowing you what....a week... she's telling you she loves you? That's extreme and "should" have been a red flag, but hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

 

If there is a lesson to be learned from this...it's take your time and move slowly. Not rush in. It's easy to do, but you may be scaring them off. With the second girl, I wonder how SHE would tell it. Maybe something like this "he came on super strong and I responded in kind. I even told him I loved him! Then right after that he totally pulls back and acts all cold and distant with me... and left."

 

I know what I would have told her to do if she told ME that story. And it's not good. I know I told you previously that I thought she might be playing head games with you. But after reading your situation with the first girl... I changed my mind.

 

I think, from their perspective, they may see you as running hot and cold. Come on super strong and rush in (hot)....then pull back and act distant (like you did with girl number two.) (Cold)

 

Then back to hot again, but can they trust it?

 

I understand your reasons for pulling back and they make sense. I am only trying to get you to see it from "their" perspective.

[StayTrueToYou]

Trust me, I've looked at it like that. But does it justify not talking to me ever again?

 

I could be wrong but... I did not come on strong at all from the get-go. She was so insecure about us all week and I kept repeating the same message - I want to take things slow.

 

I appreciate you looking at it from a different view... And honestly, that does make sense. It's just that it didn't go down that way at all...