When you know you're right....

[Baby Blue]

What would you do when you know you are absolutely right about someone's feelings towards you but they say otherwise?

[shuntaro603]

well, then that person is shy or not ready to express her feelings.

 

how do u know for sure? can u give a little more info?

[ticklebug]

Baby,

 

I'm sorry, but I can't quite figure out how you could possibly know how someone else really feels, you can't see inside their mind. Maybe you really hope it is what they want, and you are, due to that, reading to much into things...

 

but generally, if someone tells you they feel a certain way, it's for a reason...

[Double J]

How are you so sure the person feels how you think? If they tell you otherwise, why would they lie? If a person really cares about you, why would they tell you the opposite? So you run away? Doesn't make sense, unless the person you're talking about is immature. Just be careful before you make an emotional investment in this.

[Amethyst]

I agree with the others.

 

You are NOT a mind reader and you can NOT know how someone else feels. You know your *own* mind, but you don't know everyone else's.

 

Believe it or not, no one *has* to like you just because you like them. They don't even *have* to like you because you want them to.

 

Take a reality check and accept that this person truly isn't interested.

[Cadence308]

I agree with the others.

 

You are NOT a mind reader and you can NOT know how someone else feels. You know your *own* mind, but you don't know everyone else's.

 

Believe it or not, no one *has* to like you just because you like them. They don't even *have* to like you because you want them to.

 

Take a reality check and accept that this person truly isn't interested.

 

I think this is a bit harsh! But, I do have to agree that you can't be a mind reader and you can't know how someone else feels, unless they tell you.

 

If they are sending all of the signals that they are interested, but then deny it, they are immature and/or leading you on. However, I think if they are telling you that they are not interested you should just take their word for it and walk away. You have to realize it's their loss and not yours. They are the one who is passing up a great opportunity for a friendship or lovership with you. It's their loss!

 

No one has to like you, but studies have shown that we are typically attracted to those who like us and those who are similar to us.

[Amethyst]

I'm not trying to be harsh. I just know that we sometimes delude ourselves into thinking the person we like likes us back. That doesn't make it true.

 

Continuing to not accept how someone feels just because you don't want it to be true -- well, *that* seems rather immature to me.

[Meow18]

I don't think that its immature, I mean we don't even know the full story.

 

Maybe she flirts with him all the time. If a guy flirted with me all the time, then I would assume he liked me. Then if he told me he didn't, I would be very confused, but it wouldn't be immature of me to still think there's a chance he may like me but not want to say it. Who knows what this girl does to make him think she likes him.

 

I think that if this girl is telling you she doesn't like you, then you should just try to realize that. Maybe she's just shy and really does like you, but thats not going to get her anywhere. If she likes you, then she needs to tell you, not hide it.

[Amethyst]

Yeah, it might make you confused, but I doubt you'd go around saying that you *knew* that person liked you and he just wasn't willing to admit it. You would say exactly what you said -- you're confused and *wonder* how he feels. Confusion leads to *doubt*, not *certainty*.

 

It sounds to me as though Baby Blue (BB) WANTS this person to be interested -- I don't see any other reason why BB would say that s/he is certain of the person's feelings when that person says otherwise.

 

Let me play devil's advocate for a minute and assume this person flirts all the time -- well, that's still no reason to be *sure* someone likes you. People flirt with people they aren't really interested in all the time.

 

Our feelings usually color our outlook, so I would say those feelings are what makes BB thinks the other person is interested. (Baby Blue, if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me -- I'm just not seeing any other situation that would cause you to be so certain this person likes you.)

 

Maybe I phrased that one sentence in my last post wrong. Let me put it this way: we should never purport to know someone's feelings better than they know themselves. When a person tells us how they feel, we need to accept that -- even if we don't like it.

 

At any rate, the whole point is that pursuing something with this person will not get Baby Blue anywhere. (Even if the other person IS interested, the fact s/he won't admit it speaks volumes.)

 

I stand by my original advice: it's time to accept things as they are and continue on with life.

[boredguy]

i jus joined the thread. where is baby blue?.. baby, exactly why do u think you are SURE about their feelings.

beacuse, a lot of times, even though we are seeing that something isnt true, our subconscious can lead us to delusions. in other words u may just be thinking that they like you. but what exactly do u mean though? details details details ! ! !

[Baby Blue]

OK everyone, sorry for being so vague I'll try and fill you in. Around 4-5 months ago I got involved with someone and we had a very short relationship of 2 weeks. We got on really, really well and we still do. Why she finished it, still to this day I don't know ( she said I wasn't for her and thats why she stepped back, but people close to her have just said its because she doesn't really want to be in a relationship with anyone ). Anyway looking back on it I should have also stepped back as we became firm friends soon after. And to this day we still are, but I've always felt there is 'something' there. She gives me all the signs when we are together ( playing with her hair, exposing her neck etc. ), and she has explained to me that she has a flirtatious nature ( I've come to realise this over the last few months!! ) and this kind of stuff is just 'her'. Why would a girl act like this if she didn't want to take things further?

[Amethyst]

Okay, your last post only cements what I said earlier.

 

You're hoping to get back together with her, so you're fooling yourself into believing she has feelings for you. If she was truly interested in a relationship with you, she wouldn't have called things off.

 

Asking why she acts the way she does won't get you anywhere. As I said, people sometimes flirt just to flirt. Some are even naturally flirtatious and do not realize they're flirting. She has even told you it's natural and she does it without meaning to, so I don't see why you are so confused as to why she does it.

 

Who knows, maybe she *does* like you, but *doesn't* want a relationship. What difference does it make? The facts are still the facts; and, the fact is, she's already told you she doesn't want to go there.

 

Continuing to question why and waiting around for her to change her mind is only going to cause you more pain. I know you don't understand why she broke it off; but, the reality is, you don't have to understand. The point is that she *broke it off*. She's not interested in a relationship. Accept that and move on.

[Baby Blue]

Thats fair enough but Im finding it hard to move on seeing as we are really close friends

 

 

[Meow18]

Thats fair enough but Im finding it hard to move on seeing as we are really close friends

 

 

 

That is understandable considering that you like her and her flirting with you only brings your hopes up that she may like you.

 

First you just have to make yourself realize that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. She likes being your friend and maybe she does like you, but she doesn't want anything more than a friendship with you.

 

There are some things you can do, that might be hard for you, but you need to think about yourself right now and whats best for you.

 

First, there is no contact. This might not be something you would want to do because she is a good friend. It might hurt her feelings too. I would say its the best choice, only because you won't see her or talk to her, so eventually you will stop thinking about her and eventually get over her.

 

The other thing you can do would be to try to kind of ignore her when she's flirting. You can still talk to her obviously, but if you notice that she's in a flirty mood, then maybe try not to sit or stand next to her and avoid it.

 

Obviously it won't be easy to get over her. It never is. I think the first step is realizing that she doesn't want anything with you, even if she does flirt.

[Amethyst]

Yeah, my recommendation would be to cut your ties with her. That's sometimes the only way to handle it.

 

I tried to stay friends with one of my exes, but he was continuously asking when we'd get back together and stuff. Finally, I realized he wasn't going to move on as long as we stayed in touch; because he was sure I'd change my mind eventually. I finally told him I'd had enough and that we needed to keep our distance. I stopped answering his emails, refused to talk to him when he called, and did my best not to see him in person. Eventually, that showed him the truth and he moved on with his life.

[ShuShu Fontana]

Finally, I realized he wasn't going to move on as long as we stayed in touch; because he was sure I'd change my mind eventually. I finally told him I'd had enough and that we needed to keep our distance....did my best not to see him in person. Eventually, that showed him the truth and he moved on with his life.

 

I think this is finally what my ex has done. For whatever reason it might really be...his gf not liking me, for his own sake, for mine, whatever it may be. It's what I needed all along but didn't have the strength to initiate myself. Sometimes I really thick headed and I hate disappointment and obviously don't deal with it well. I am trying hard not to take it personally but see it as something we both need. Someday I think we could be friendsin the respect that we could email every now and then and see how each other are. But until then, the less contact the better. It really IS better for you that way.

[behind_these_eyes]

Well a lot of girls wont admit it, but sometimes we want someone to like us even if we don't want them. I know, it's stupid and petty and deceptive. Some of my friends have at least 10 "loyal subjects" who continuously ask them out and flatter them, so they flirt with the guys and lead them on. I'm not saying this is your situation, but it's a possibility. Girls are puzzles.

[OceanEyes]

she said I wasn't for her and thats why she stepped back, but people close to her have just said its because she doesn't really want to be in a relationship with anyone

 

Don't take what her friends say literally. They may just be saying that to avoid hurting your feelings. Even though she may like you, she's definitely not 'into' you enough to commit to you. Does it matter what her reasons are?

 

Her friends say one thing, she says another. I would probably listen to her directly and stop going through her friends. Friends are not always the most reliable source, especially when the person in question is telling you basically that she doesn't want you.