After Break Up Update

[GodsChosen]

Hello everyone. It has been several months since i last posted in here. I last posted about a really bad break up i went through. I was dating a guy who i fell in love with. We both loved each other or at least i assumed. He poured his heart to me after two months of dating, started discussing a future and even took me to meet his parents and very close family and friends. He bragged on me nonstop. It scared me at first that we moved so fast because if previous heart breaks but i trusted him and followed his pace. After the 5 month i noticed thungs begun surfacing that I now realize he hid from me. I honestly think from fear of losing me. It makes sense now why he questioned me several times to be sure I was happy being with him. The thing was he had a child from a previous relationship and hadnt settled differences with the mother. At this point i hadnt met either one. I knew there were issues to sort out between the two but i didnt realize it was that bad because he hid most of it from me. The legal system got involved and he pretty much dumped me. Told me he couldnt be with me right now. I respected his wishes even though it hurt. I always wanted him to fix the issues at hand because he loves his child and I loved him and wanted him to be happy. He then the next day lashed out on me for not "waiting on him" then ended the convo with I love you. I couldnt understand it. I told him i would after doing some thinking. I found out the next week from my sister that he was moving to the same city with the babies mother and child to "start over." I confronted him about it hecause he never told me of all people and I felt used and like such a fool for believing him. Esp after telling me he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. He told me he was sorry for putting his daughter first asif i was making him chose. I have yet to hear from him again although others have told me he still wants to be with me. I

 

Thats a lot but that was the issue lol. Im at a much better place now although I still struggle at times. I havent heard anything from him even though I extended my friendship a long time ago and attempted to emotionally support him as a friend. I did lose respect for him as a man for not communicating with me. Even when he broke up with me he texted me "we need to talk". the only reason we talked is because i called him to see what was wrong. Im happyhe is with his child. Im just lost as to why he hide everything from me and is treating me like the bad guy. Even when I asked for closure....no response.

 

Thank yall for listening.

[ParisPaulette]

He won't respond and accept friendship, because he feels guilty and knows he was in the wrong for starting something with you in the first place. My guess is he was lonely and sort of hoovered you in under the pretext that he was single and clear to start a relationship, because he wanted what he wanted. And knew you would quite possibly back away if you knew he was in the middle of still sorting out custody issues. Putting the whole thing down on you making him choose between you or his daughter when you were just confronting him over his lies is extremely selfish and more than a little slimy too.

 

Take his actions as a sign that this is not a mature man who can own his own actions and be honest. He prefers to keep things hidden to get what he wants and then when he's confronted with his actions he puts the blame on others instead of just manning up to his own mistakes. In truth you dodged a serious bullet and I really have to wonder if he was as divorced/free as he said he was or if that was all a story too. Sorry, I know sometimes people start out looking and sounding great, but then the cracks start showing up and you get to see the real person underneath. Please realize the guy showing out from under the cracks who was lying to you and putting the blame on you is who this guy really is, not the sweetheart who was schmoozing you to get what he wanted.

 

We all get fooled sometimes. The difference is in whether or not we continue to let them fool us after seeing how someone really is. You do not want this man as a friend, he can't be a friend let alone anything else. Not when he's that selfish and willing to pin the blame for his own actions on others. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but one day you'll be very glad you didn't invest more time in him than you did.

[GodsChosen]

thank you. i see that now. took a long time because i blamed myself. maybe i wasnt supportive enough. maybe i should have done things differently. In reality it wouldve ended the same way. And I know I loved him the way I felt I deserved to be love. Thats whole heartedly. To the point I prayed for him daily even when we werent together. But hes just a broken person trying to be a man and hasnt figured out how. thank you again for your comment