Should you stay in contact with your ex while she has a rebound?

[windwarrior]

Ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago, but for a month after the breakup we still hooked up and still talk to this day.

Almost immediately after she had a rebound as did I. Mine was super casual and I just ended it a few days ago simply because I got bored. Now I have another thing starting with another girl-super casual also. Hers is with her bestfriend, and at on point after the breakup she chose the rebound over me.

 

The thing is I know my ex still loves me and that I still have some power over her. Whenever we text she reminisces about all of our good times and flirts with me, whenever we hang out we end up kissing and in each other's arms.(We don't have sex because I told her rebound about it and she wont trust me and doesn't want to come of as easy). She refuses to hang out at night because she knows that it will end in sex. She clearly wants to but can't seem to move on.

 

I have tried NC with my ex a couple times, but the longest I've gone is a week. During that time I felt better and felt like I've almost moved on, and so has she. Then we started talking again she said she realizes how much she misses me, etc. However she is still with her rebound.

 

My ex and I still clearly love each other. I don't need her but I would prefer to get her back. She talks a lot about us getting back together, but is still with her rebound! We are both going on vacations for these next 2 weeks and won't have access to each other in person or our rebound.

 

What are my moves at this point?

Do I ignore her but risk her just plainly moving on with the rebound(it's been 3 months since the breakup and she said she feels better every time we get space)?

Or do I keep talking and flirting with her and hope she comes back to me with time, while risking getting screwed over and her picking the rebound over me again?

 

Honestly I'm thinking doing NC for the 2 weeks we are away and then playing really hard to get and try to win her back. There is a risk that she'll chose the rebound over me again, but I think that in 2 weeks I'll get the remaining of my confidence and ego back and be able to play the game better than the rebound. The first time I tried was immediately after the breakup and i was needy and emotional.

 

What do you guys think? Would this be a good move? Or am I just blinded by my feelings?

[SooSad33]

Stay in contact? I don't think so...

"she realizes how much she misses me, etc. However she is still with her rebound."

 

YOU are giving her the best of both worlds. HOW is she going to either get over you or 'miss you' when you are always available?

She is not seeing you anymore. So it should either be one or the other.

I think you two are just messing each other up at this point.

 

You've broken up and i'm sure you did this for reasons.. no?

 

"Or do I keep talking and flirting with her and hope she comes back to me with time, while risking getting screwed over and her picking the rebound over me again?"

- Honestly, WHY do this to yourself?

 

You both need to accept what is done and work on healing. YOU cannot do this while still after her.

And should you two ever get back together... have any of the issues been dealt with- reasons for the BU.?

 

" playing really hard to get and try to win her back"

- Being available all the time won't do this.. will it? ( Who is she with?). And also- don't 'play games'.

 

"am I just blinded by my feelings?"

- Yes, of course you are. You two have broken up. and now, YOU need to realize this.

 

A break up is NEVER easy but doing as you are, you can guarantee you will be hurt again & again, following her.

If she is now with someone else, it's time YOU respected this and back off.

Do not chase

Do not follow

Do not bother her.

 

Try leaving her alone now and working on YOU. Do your own thing . Friends, family, hobby etc. and let her do her thing now.

If she really wanted YOU, isnt it you she would be with?

[windwarrior]

Deep down I know you are right.

 

However I'd like to clarify that she isn't dating her rebound or anything. It's one of her close best friends who she just hooks up with. They don't really talk too much and are both part of a bigger group of friends.

 

She might be just using me as a backup, but she also might just be really insecure and confused about what she wants. I'm not always there for her. She always texts and calls me first . She initiates our make outs. She talks about our past and how much she misses me and how one day we'll get back together. I don't say any of that and laugh the "us getting back together part".

 

Could she be scared that I'm using her? I mean I did have a rebound also after we broke up. Now I have a thing with another girl that she knows about. I tend to go on dates with these girls while her and her best friend just hook up after a night out with their friends. I generally have the reputation for being an ***hole to her during the relationship. From what she tells me it sounds like she does want to get back together, but she has some underlying doubts about it. Whether thats genuine or all BS to keep me on a leash I don't know.

[PeopleOfTheSun]

If you treated her so bad and were a ***hole, seriously why do you want her back? I don't think you really want her back, I just think you are just a wee bit jealous she is hooking up with her best friend.

[windwarrior]

I tend to treat most people I like like that. And I'm sure I do, after being with many girls after her I realized that it was only her I clicked with so well. I'm past being jealous about the best friend, I was at first but at this point I've accepted it.

 

I'm just so confused because she chases after me but then still stays with her rebound. Like if I chased her it would be one story, but she does most of the work.

[Shane Falco]

If there was a "worst strategy ever" to getting an ex back in a loving, romantic relationship, your crappy plan would be it. You are basically letting her have her cake and eat it too. She can hook up with you whenever she wants to because you have no backbone, she can use you for emotional support whenever she wants because you have no backbone, and she can hook up with whoever she wants and you'll be there like an obedient pet because you have no backbone. Stop being foolish about this, go No Contact. Let yourself breathe and allow her to miss you. She can't miss you or value you if you don't go away. I mean, this is rookie league crap you are doing. If you are fine with the occasional hookup and nothing else, continue this awful, awful plan, but if you are actually serious about wanting her back in a committed romantic relationship, you are making every mistake in the book.

 

She chases after you because she wants to make sure her pet doesn't run down the street or find a new owner. Once she realizes that you don't have the stones to actually do anything on your own, then she goes back to the hookup she prefers.

 

Don't do NC for two weeks. That's lame. If you are going to do it, do it to move forward and to get out of this rut you are in. That means doing it for months.

[windwarrior]

You are so right wow

 

Even if she were to come back to me right now, our relationship would be horrible. There would be still so much jealousy and games and bitterness involved.

 

You are right. I need to do NC for a few months and get back to myself. When I first started dating her she was all over me, texting 24/7 and trying to see me as much as possible.

 

I'll let her and her rebound happen and get myself back. I'll become that guy who had this girl at my beckoning call, like she does to me now. One day months from now if I'm not seeing anyone maybe I'll try again with her and it'll end up in an actual loving relationship.

[windwarrior]

One question. Do I tell her I'm moving on for good and to never contact me again? I've said that before to her and not committed to it.

Should I just do NC out of nowhere considering we talked at 12 am last night and hung out 2 days ago? Would me not telling her and ignoring her for months play to my advantage or should I get some sort of closure(even though I tried numerous times and it hasn't worked)

[Shane Falco]

One question. Do I tell her I'm moving on for good and to never contact me again? I've said that before to her and not committed to it.

Should I just do NC out of nowhere considering we talked at 12 am last night and hung out 2 days ago? Would me not telling her and ignoring her for months play to my advantage or should I get some sort of closure(even though I tried numerous times and it hasn't worked)

 

No, don't tell her. Just go ghost. That means no phone calls, no texts, no emailing, no instant messaging, no social media, nothing. Do not click on her Facebook profile at all or follow her Twitter. And screw any "closure" talk -- you can't get closure with another person through that person. Closure comes from within. All "closure talks" to is generate more questions and confusion. She'll be evasive, and you'll overanalyze her answers and come up with more questions and want to have another talk. It's a terrible cycle. No more talking -- talking hasn't done crap for you except get you a hookup or two when she's feeling bored/wanting an ego boost.

 

And stop viewing NC as a game or as a strategy to get her back. The "advantage" and goal of NC is to get yourself back. And you'll never get yourself back when you are sucking around for table scraps like you are right now. Go No Contact to move forward, to get out of this rut, to remove your head from your ass. Do this for as long as it takes (several months minimum) and do it for you, not for her.

[windwarrior]

I honestly don't know where I would be without you right now. This is exactly what I needed, the cold hard truth.

 

This is my first breakup and after having talked to someone for an entire year every single day its seems almost impossible to cut them out of your life.

 

This past 3 months since the breakup haven't been me. I used to be this cocky independent dude who saw girls as an extension to his life, not a necessity. For these past 3 months I have completely abandoned that. I seem to make every decision in my life based on how it would affect this girl and my chances of getting back together with her. I have turned down gorgeous girls just because I still have feelings for my ex.

 

Hopefully these past 3 months haven't been a waste and I'll learn from them for breakups in the future.

[windwarrior]

Also, we're already following eachother on twitter and friends on snapchat etc.

Do I block her on all of those and delete her? Or do I keep her on them and do NC.

I feel like me blocking on Twitter and Snapchat would only boost her ego.

[3Tears]

You for sure don't want to keep contact with her while shes in a rebound, what if things get serious between them?

[3Tears]

I feel like me blocking on Twitter and Snapchat would only boost her ego.

 

Don't try to kid yourself with that, theres no way you can boost someone's ego by blocking them, you don't want to block her there because you want to be able to see what shes up to.

[Shane Falco]

Also, we're already following eachother on twitter and friends on snapchat etc.

Do I block her on all of those and delete her? Or do I keep her on them and do NC.

I feel like me blocking on Twitter and Snapchat would only boost her ego.

 

Block, block, block. And it wouldn't be an ego boost at all -- like 3Tears said, that's a lie you are telling yourself to justify keeping a lifeline open. Plus, if you want to get back to being this independent guy, you have to stop thinking in terms of how she'll react. Who cares? She forfeited any say in what you do when she broke up with you. You are doing these things for you -- how they affect her is of no consequence.

[SooSad33]

"Would me not telling her and ignoring her for months play to my advantage or should I get some sort of closure"

- Play to your advantage? This is not a game, playing with people's head & emotions! This is also going to go on.. on your own and away from her for YOUR own benefit.. so YOU can get it together.

 

No reason to tell her that you are no longer going to be her emotional slave. You shouldn't have been so readily available to begin with. Talking til all hours.. seeing each other. ( Is she with you now.. or not?).

If not? then act as so.

[SooSad33]

"I have turned down gorgeous girls just because I still have feelings for my ex."

- This is another thing... you are NOT going to get anywhere with another girl UNTIL you know you are 'over' your ex.

At this time she is still deep in your heart & thoughts. She still rules.

Therefore, you are NOT mentally or emotionally stable enough to give properly to anyone else.

 

I suggest, for at least a couple of months you tone down! Have nothing to do with her or another girl.

 

Instead work on YOU. Work on healing and letting go. Get yourself together so you can someday give yourself 'whole heartedly' to someone else.

At this time you can't. You aren't ready to.. and with things falling apart all around you, you're just going to keep getting hurt, especially if/when things fail for you again.

 

Best thing to do is have some down time. Deal with YOU now.

[ParisPaulette]

Should you stay in contact with your ex while she has a rebound?

 

Noop. Go NC, tell her to look you up if she ever wants to make it real again and otherwise it's over and done. Then heal and move on with your life and find someone after that who wants to be with you. Being "friends" in the hopes they'll take you back is pretty much the one tactic that never works.

[Ms Darcy]

With all of the hooking up you both are doing with others it doesn't seem like either of you is really moving towards getting back together. Rather you are just playing musical chairs with your privates.

 

It sounds more like fear of moving on than anything.