a.d.c. Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Yea, it's my 1st Christmas and New Years without my ex since 2001. How about you all? I've been doing NC for 3 weeks now and I'm feeling fine for the most part, just a little sad here and there. But overall it hasn't been that hard which I'm surprised. I wonder if it's harder for her during this time? I actually told her not to call me for Christmas or New Years. And I told her I wouldn't call her for her birthday(Jan 19). I love her and would like another chance with her to make things right but she kept playing games with me so I initiated NC with no regret. I told her if she wanted to try and work things out to call me and if she doesn't then not to call me again. When I last talked to her she said she does want to try and work things out but not at this time because she has some problems right now in her life (debt, parents might split up,stress form nursing school). Whatever. We'll see what happens. It's not like I don't care but I got tired of all the stress she was putting me through. link removed . See what I mean?? Anyways do you all think one can benefit more from NC during the holidays or hurt more? I think one can only hurt more if you're still really hurting over the person, but I think one can definetely benefit if the other person really misses you during this period and sees that breaking up with you wasn't gonna be as easy as it seemed. Link to comment
MrLonely Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Yup. NC Here... She called earlier - I ignored it. Too difficult to answer. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 im trying it as well. my situation is different from yours. we have been talking consistently. but she hasn't been giving me much respect lately so im gonna do nc. she'll call later tonight or tomorrow and i wont pick up probably. that is...if i can have the will power. Link to comment
hecka_bekah Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Hey if it's tough during the holidays then it will get better when you're busy afterwards. Also, the new year is a chance for you to make some resolutions. Do something you've wanted to do in a long time. Every new year I just think about how my year went and how much I've grown! If you think about it that way it helps out a lot with the pain. I think it's also great to contact friends you haven't seen in a long time during the holidays. That way you'll think of the found memories you had with other people and the times you were happy without your ex. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I also hope we can all enjoy ourselves and appreciate what has been given to us! It's such a difficult time but if we can see some good in our lives now, then it'll be better this new year![/i] Link to comment
hecka_bekah Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Oh and I'm not contacting my ex either...it's been two weeks so I have awhile 'til the NC might come to an end. Link to comment
a.d.c. Posted December 25, 2004 Author Share Posted December 25, 2004 ^Right on, guys. The way I see it is, if they call for Christmas Eve/Day or New Years, they're obviously calling to just say hi or wish happy holidays. Now if they're calling cuz they're realizing something & actually want to maybe talk things over then they won't or shouldn't have a problem trying on another day. So if my ex calls for one of these 2 holidays, I GUARANTEE I won't pick up. There's no point, unless it's for some constructive dialogue. Link to comment
Recovering_Lover Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Its about a month now, I have called her 4 times within the month, each time a gap of two weeks or one week, I was trying to get her to talk to me, and resolve things and be friend. She hung up on me all four times, didn't want to talk and resolve anything, or give a reason. The last phone call, I apologise for calling her again, as she told me she didn't want to talk to me and I should respect that, but I wanted to give it a last try. Now, I have stopped calling her completely. I wanted to try my best to give it time and let the anger , pride, etc...subside and then talk, but she is not willing. She could be with her new boyfriend, she could have no feelings for me even as a friend...etc.Whatever the reason, is I have push it aside. I wanted to sms or call etc to wish her and her mother Merry X'mas, but I didn't. I am not calling her , solely bcoz, I am respecting her wishes. Also becoz, there is nothing else, I can do or say. I have giving it all. R.L. Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 nc but hard as ever Link to comment
emma34 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 moi aussi! my ex and i are not talking on my terms basically. thankfully, my brother and sister are going to be here soon...and i won't be so lonely. buit if they werent, i would call my ex. i know we are both wanting some TLC. i'm not going to (if i can). we have been off for 6 weeks now...i think we have come to the stage where i could call himt o wish him a merry x-mas. but two weeks or so ago...i know it would not be the right thing for both of us. Link to comment
ajk Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 i am only at 5 days NC...thinking about making it last through the holidays, because right now i feel much better knowing we are not going to speak for at least another week. if he doesn't call for xmas, he's a jerk. if he calls, he's a jerk, too, because he would only be doing it so he can think he's a "good guy" still... so i agree with whomever on here said that 'we' should only pick up the phone if it's a day when they are calling to actually have a legitimate 'relationship' conversation... good luck everyone! hang in there...and happy holidays 8) Link to comment
ajk Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 i am only at 5 days NC...thinking about making it last through the holidays, because right now i feel much better knowing we are not going to speak for at least another week. if he doesn't call for xmas, he's a jerk. if he calls, he's a jerk, too, because he would only be doing it so he can think he's a "good guy" still... so i agree with whomever on here said that 'we' should only pick up the phone if it's a day when they are calling to actually have a legitimate 'relationship' conversation... good luck everyone! hang in there...and happy holidays 8) Link to comment
hecka_bekah Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I know my ex isn't going to call to wish me happy holidays since he already said that when he told me he hoped I had a good life and met the right guy...blah blah blah. It's hard to get over the fact he basically said goodbye. I just don't understand how you could get the the point of saying that since we barely argued and were still getting to know each other. God, it feels even worse to have made, what he said, assumptions since it I allow myself to believe it led to him say goodbye. Something else must have been bothering him but I don't think I can get the answer so I have to move on. The strange thing was that he was such a nice guy and was friendly to everyone. But he made the mistake of not being honest with his feelings and just dragged it on. It ended up hurting both of us deeply, but I just wish somehow we can resolve this issue instead of having nc which also drags out this issue. That's the best gift I could have right now... Link to comment
LilithCave22 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 yep, I'm doing NC through the holidays and after... I was supposed to have seen my ex over the holidays. She sent me a text message when she was in town and I never responded. I had decided I didn't want to see her anyway; if she had really wanted to see me, she would have called. Since she never called I wonder if she will bother to try and contact me in any form (text, email, phone) to wish me a Merry Christmas. I know I won't respond if she does try to contact me but deep down, I really want her to try and contact me... just so I know she's at least thinking about me. I just don't know if she will contact me... maybe she feels too guilty. It hurts because I know she'll contact her new lover... do you think our exes still think about and miss us during the holidays even if they are already with someone else and in a "rebound" relationship? I mean if you are with someone else that quickly (less than a week)... isn't it just a rebound or is it possible she's already fallen in love with someone else?? oh well, yes, NC for me through the holidays... Link to comment
panchala23 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 NC here for the last week. I go through roller coasters. I get sad whenver I see couples or movies with couples or about love or any of that. The most painful part is wondering if she is feeling as bad as I am (even though I know she is not, I guess more of if she is feeling sad at all). Since she broke it off with me, I feel like I should not break the NC. I don't think she will call for the holidays because she is probably afraid I would take it for more than it was and because she is trying to pretend like I dont mean anything to her. I dont know how long NC will go for, but I can tell you that I wont be the one to stop it. In general its best for the breakuper to stop the silence, am I correct? Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I know I'm not going to try to contact my ex. She basically made it clear that she wants to pretend that we never existed as a couple. So in the end I guess that's my Christmas present to her. To leave her alone and do my best to get through Christmas without her. Link to comment
hecka_bekah Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Well I think in most cases it is that way since they want time away from you in the first place even if they say "let's be friends". Basically they want time alone, and so they might be thinking more about their own recovery from the break up and their own needs right now. What sucks is that everyday you wonder if they are willing to come back into your life even as a friend, but when or if they do come back it turns out to be so much longer then you had expected. Maybe they take a long time because they don't want that guilt when they're thinking about their own needs right now. It's interesting how NC can mean one thing to the dumper and a completely different thing to the dumpee, yet the dumpee hopes such much that the dumper is hurting and regreting what they've done. Just think, how long does it usually take anyone to regret and important decison they've made? Probably a long time since they've yet to really act on their new decisions. Link to comment
panchala23 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 In general I am amazed at how quickly the two paths diverge after the break. Its like we were never even on the same level or something. I know I love her and everything, but sometimes I feel like maybe what is making this hurt so much is me compensating for how far away she has gone from how things were. Relationships are tough, and NC is tough as well. I am glad that I have my family to lean on during this time, even though I dont think that I am being all that much fun. I hope that eventually she does realize that this was a mistake like you said, but I am very much aware that this is probably not the case. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I'm on day two of no contact. It is really hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. Yesterday was awful (lots of crying and pacing and so forth). Today I feel a little bit stronger. I haven't bawled my eyes today! That's a good sign, I think. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one going through this. It helps to know that others are in the same boat. I wish us all a lot of strength and self-love! We can survive! Link to comment
skynet74 Posted December 26, 2004 Share Posted December 26, 2004 92 Days Of No Contact for me. What is that? 13 weeks I think. No Christmas Call from her. Didn't expect one. She wants to be in control. Well I'm sorry to tell her that she lost control more than 3 months ago when I stopped chasing her. Now I'm just living my life. If she calls... she calls. If she doesn't..... she doesn't. After 10 years of being together I would have hoped for a little more from her. But she has shown me she is no longer the Nice person she once was. Each day she doesn't contact me just reenforces that fact. Yes I miss her ... but No I'm not playing her game. I deserve respect. If she can't give it to me then I don't need her. I'm not about to continue the pain into 2005. One year of this crap was enough for me. Now the ball is in her court. If she can ever be a kind, caring, considerate human being like she was... then that would be great. Because that's the only chance she ever has of me talking to her again. If she wants to be a jerk then she'll have to be a jerk to other people. I'm not allowing her to be one to me anymore. After 100 Days of No Contact maybe I'll throw a party! It's now a little goal of mine to make it to 100 days. I guess that's because if I can live without her for that long..... then I should be just fine without her..... PERIOD. John Link to comment
SilverManic Posted December 26, 2004 Share Posted December 26, 2004 It's been a month since we stopped being friends. I've cut down how often I go to see my friends (they live with him) I've only been over 1 time in the past 2 weeks and we haven't spoken on the phone. He said he wanted to be my friend but it is obvious to me that he does not. He never contacts me, never asks me to the pub, not even a text message or a christmas card. I gave him a christmas card threw a friend because I never really see him anymore. NC over the holidays has been really hard for me but made me see that he really doesn't care about me so he was right to break it off. ~S. Link to comment
skynet74 Posted December 26, 2004 Share Posted December 26, 2004 They say they care..... but they obviously don't care much. They only care when we have something they want. They only care when they have nobody else to take our place. But the second they see someone else cross their path who they think they like better... that's it for us. We are history to them. History... until the new relationship doesn't work out. History until they start to realize what they lost. On the day of regret we'll get that phone call. The one where they say..... "I Don't know why I acted like that". Well I know why you acted like that. BECAUSE YOU ARE A JERK! John Link to comment
Strawberryfieldsforever Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 What is NCing exactly. Ignorance i've found isnt always bliss so i'd appreciate if someone would explain this to me. Thanks in advance. Link to comment
Strawberryfieldsforever Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Ok nevermind, i feel like an idiot now. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 skynet74 your words on your last post is so true. painful, but true... post here on 100 days of nc and we will throw a party for you!!! Link to comment
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