Can I get some people to help me re-write my online dating profile?

[Sam _]

I can't seem to get any messages from people I find remotely attractive, and when I do they don't talk. The only women I ever get messaging me are those who are morbidly obese or seem to merely respond to me rather than actually make conversation. All they message me is "Hi" and, when I message back asking something about their profile, they give a short answer and literally nothing more as though I'm expected to carry on both sides of the conversation despite it being THEM that messaged ME. Then there's the ones that whine about being unable to find a decent guy, ignoring the fact that decent guys are likely messaging them and being ignored (thus giving them no right at all to complain, especially when the message shows a clear interest in what they wrote in their profile).

 

Can anyone help me write a better profile at all? The lack of any messaged from anybody that I'd find attractive is getting irritating. I don't have high standards; if you're able to get along with me, can hold a conversation, and aren't twice my size then I'm good. While there may be a few other things I'm looking for, I'm fairly flexible with many of them. It's fairly bare-bones and I've never written one of these before, so I know I may need a bit of help or guidance on what and how to write it.

 

I'm fairly new to Pennsylvania and don't know many people around here. I'm looking to meet a woman that wants a real relationship and is fine with taking things a bit slow at first. Being able to carry an intelligent conversation is important to me, and being into history or psychology is always a plus for me as I'm fairly passionate about those subjects. My biggest hobbies are writing and gaming; I'm actually a fairly avid gamer so you'd need to be cool with that. Right now I'm the assistant manager at Jiffy Lube, running the store on my own since I'm the only manager working at my store lol. I plan on eventually opening and running my own business once I'm able to.

[jjkk]

Right off the bat the gaming thing would be a turn off for me (however I'm 40 so maybe not such an issue w/ the 20 somethings). I immediately picture someone who is always on the video games or computers or whatever it is you do to game. I picture going over to visit and sitting there bored while you play video games. Whether any of that's true or not, idk. I know it's happened to me w/ guys before. Maybe put in there other things you like to do? Somehow let them know that falling for you doesn't equal endless nights hearing loud video games in the background. Just a thought.

[stateofgrace]

I think you should take out the bit about where you work and your future plans for a business out of there. I would just say you are employed and have career goals, then that'll give any women that are interested a question to ask you (what do you do for work, what are your future goals, etc). Also, other than gaming, what do you do for fun? Do you go camping? Do you like to fish? Do you go out to a pub for some beers with friends? Add stuff like that to show you don't just hang out inside all day and play video games..unless that is what you do I guess.. are you funny or sarcastic? Do you like making people laugh? That's one of my positives, so I add that in there too.

 

Also, add a sentence at the end, like a closing statement. "if you'd like to know more about me, send me a message, I'd love to hear from you!" or something.

 

One more thing, do you have pictures up on that site? Pictures make a big difference in the amount of responses you get too.

[Sam _]

I'm the type who would want one of my days off completely to myself so I can play my games and relax all day, but one day off per week is enough for me and they'll have me for the rest of the week (outside of work). I actively try to get girls I like involved in my hobby in some way, or at least show moments that might make them see why I enjoy gaming so much. You're dealing with whole interactive worlds that express every facet of creativity; architecture, art, masonry, music, cinematography, writing (even to the point of having consistent and detailed world histories). I'm into all of those things, and gaming is the interest I'm most interested in and passionate about because it involves all those things and more.

 

There isn't anything in my town to do, at all; unless you count getting hammered and going to church as enjoyable hobbies, which I certainly don't lol. So there isn't much for me to be interested in doing around here, especially since I'm new to this state. Moved here back in October 2012 and worked two jobs for seven months straight (my "day off" was when I only worked one job, and that was usually an 8-12 hour shift). I only just recently got into a full-time job that affords me some time to myself and get to know my surroundings, which now I don't know where to start now that I have time. I'm mostly a homebody moved back in with his mother in October 2012 to help her pay off her debt and get back on her feet.

 

I basically need someone that can show me what's what around here and will try to get me interested in new things since I moved to a town with literally nothing to do from a tourist trap where everything was too expensive to do lol.

[stateofgrace]

I basically need someone that can show me what's what around here and will try to get me interested in new things since I moved to a town with literally nothing to do from a tourist trap where everything was too expensive to do lol.

I think you should say this. Not these exact words, but say "I'm new to Pennsylvania and I'm not really sure what's fun to do around here yet. I'm looking for someone fun and interesting who can show me around, show me some cool tourist attractions and perhaps show me some local coffee shops or restaurants..." or something to that effect. Show them that you want to get out and see stuff.

[Sam _]

How's this?

[CeeLambrini]

Stop putting negative things in your profile. "If you don't like your men nerdy or independent..." "You need to be ok with this", "please try and hold your end of the conversation"

These are ALL indicators that you have had trouble with these things in the past with other women and you are therefore giving out the assumption that the person looking at your profile needs to prove to you that she isn't like that.

 

You need to know the difference between assumptions and simply selling yourself. It looks more like a job advertisement rather than a resume, metaphorically speaking. "I need this, I need that, you should be like this, you should act like that" are not things that are selling yourself. I get what you are trying to do, you are trying to filter out the women who do fall into these categories but for those who don't, perhaps they don't want to have to jump through hoops first to have a chance.

[Darrowz]

As people have stated I'd remove the "gaming" part in your profile as well as your career and job.

 

You're giving women too much of a image of yourself for them to picture. Stick with basics, likes, desires, interests etc. Let people actually learn about you.

 

I made the same mistake as well when I first posted a dating profile, I changed it and saw a few better results.

[quirky]

Ok..I am going to break down how it reads to me but please take on board that I am not the average demographic though I like computer games myself.

 

I'm looking to meet a woman that wants a real relationship and is fine with taking things a bit slow at first.

 

Why is he making a point at taking things slow at first? This is the first line on his profile so it must be important. He is either insecure or has low sex drive.

 

Just a heads up, if you don't like your men nerdy or independent then we may not get along lol. Autonomy is very important to me in a relationship, and independence is very attractive to me in a woman.

 

I will possibly come second maybe third cos he needs his time. Our dates will be arranged according to whether he's had his time. I might be supressing my own needs so he doesn't feel suffocated.

 

 

Being able to carry an intelligent conversation is important to me, and being into history or psychology is always a plus for me as I'm fairly passionate about those subjects but I'll talk about nearly anything.

 

Great!

 

I do tend to quickly get bored when someone only responds to a question I ask them rather than actively engaging me in the conversation, so please try and hold your end of the conversation. We're both on here for a reason: to get to know each other.

 

I mean...I agree but whoa, chill man

 

I'm new to Pennsylvania and not too sure what fun things there are to do around here yet, so I may need someone fun to go out with and show me around lol.

 

There are tourist guides for that. I want someone who can suggest things and date ideas.

 

I've got a full-time job and have several career goals I'm working on achieving.

 

That's good, he's not lazy.

 

I'm very laid-back and tend to go with the flow; I love to laugh and have fun, and I only get serious when it is necessary (though I tend to get fairly rigid at times when I do). I tend to find humor in most everything, but I do avoid offending people if I know their sensitivities. If you'd like to know more about me, I'd love to hear from you.

 

Generic

 

 

 

Writing an online dating profile is a work in progress, tweaking and changing. But if I was to give any advice is to be an individual and to be as real as possible without being negative. As it stands I can't see any passion in your ad..

[Sam _]

I'm not too sure how to put passion into my ad and it is pretty much impossible to make your individuality show through text alone. What others will see as individuality, most will wind up saying "Heard/Saw that before". So I don't really see how I can't be generic with these things.

 

I definitely don't see any reason to remove gaming from my profile, though. If a woman is willing to prejudge me as anti-social or childish and pass me up simply because I have a hobby I enjoy, then too bad for them as it is their loss. I'm the type who needs one full day per week to just do my own thing and I do know where the pause button is. So they wouldn't need to worry about me ignoring them, they might have to wait an extra couple seconds for me to reply to their text but that's about as far as that goes. If they think it's a bad thing that, after working 60 hours in five days, I want one of my two days off to myself then (once again) that is their problem. It is a hobby I refuse to give up and I typically refuse to associate with anyone who looks down on my hobby or me for enjoying it. So that's why I prefer keeping it on there, it weeds out the narrow-minded.

 

Problem is, I don't know how I can not be blunt about any of that. And here's the kicker; I'm not actually saying this in an abrasive or even slightly annoyed tone. I'm very calm about it and casually explaining myself in that paragraph, problem is I can't seem to make myself NOT sound like an abrasive d**k it seems.

[quirky]

Do you work 12 hour shifts? If you want 1 day to yourself then that leaves 1 day for a gf. Is that enough time for a relationship? I am not sure, many others must be working as much I am just wondering..

 

I think you can find women that are into games, just don't phrase it as this dead end un negotiable thing.

[Sam _]

When it comes to whether or not I'm willing to give up gaming, it is non-negotiable. I may be fine with not playing for a week or two but I still want to regularly be able to enjoy my hobby. So I'm not really sure how to word that in any way beyond what I already said. It is enough time for me to have a relationship. I work 8-7 four days per week and then 8-5 on the fifth as required of management in my company; I'm fine with meeting up after work if I've enough time to clean off and change first, and obviously going out will be more important than gaming. They'd have one full day with me per week, that would be definitive; and they should know that if they want to see a movie or something on the second day and hang out for a couple hours then I'm good with that. It's just I'll want most of one of my days off to enjoy to myself; if the girl I'm dating is more a homebody like me, then that's no problem. Gaming is just my favorite thing to do at home, it's hardly the only thing I'm up for doing. I don't see how having two days off means I may not have enough time for a relationship, even if I say I want several hours of one day to myself.

[jjkk]

I'm someone who needs a good bit of alone time, too so I understand. I've been able to have relationships and still get my alone time. As long as you're willing to give a gf time each week, having one day and a few evenings to yourself isn't unreasonable, imo. Good luck!