Please give me some kind of hope or support.....

[sweetsparkle]

in 7 days, our time apart will be over and my ex-bf is supposed to call me and let me know if he still wants to be with me or not. for those of you who do not know my story, my bf asked for time apart for one month with NO CONTACT. we were fighting too much, his family got involved, he was overwhelmed with everything in his life (he still hasn't found job) so instead of breaking up completely, he asked for time apart so he can be alone and think through things. i know him very well and i know he meant it when he said he needed this. i also know he isn't seeing anyone else.

 

well the time is drawing near and i'm so scared of the answer. i haven't slept in the past 48 hours. by eyes are bloodshot and i lost about 5 lbs. iu have not talked to him or kept in touch with him for almost a month so i have no idea where he is or what he's doing. i'm so nervous....

 

do you think he will call? do you think we have a chance? before we took time apart, he told me he still loved me but things are too much for him to handle now. also he wanted to think about why we fought so much. he told me that this is the only chance to save our relationship. he also told me to have faith because this will be good for us. he told me there's a high chance we will get back together again. do you think he means this?

[abstar]

hey,

don't worry yourself sweetsparkle!, by the sounds of things he obviously still has feelings for you. i'm very sure he will call, he's a man and men take time to get thier heads around things like this exspecialy when they love someone. taking this time apart could be very good for your relationship (absense makes the heart grow fonder) your not doing yourself any good not sleeping, so i suggest you get some rest and then when he calls you will feel better if you have had a desent sleep, worrying makes things worse so step back a little i no it's hard but it will be better in the long run, good luck to you both, im sure it will work out!, let us no how you get on, we all here for ya xxx

[arwen]

hey girl!

 

Take care of yourself!!! I know it's hard to sleep and eat when you feel so low... I am exactly the same. It's a mechanism: you exhaust yourself to feel less of the pain. But what you are doing is anticipating on the pain. There are clear signs from his side that he means well and there is no other option for him than to take some time apart. He wouldn't say he loved you if he didn't, and if he truly wanted to break up, I think he would already have done so.

 

Try to force yourself to eat at least. Because the mechanism doesn't work. You will notice that when you start eating and sleeping again, you will feel better immediately. Buy food that you really like and that goes down easily. In periods like this I use a blender to mix yoghurt with fruits and cereal, just to drink what I would normally eat. Take some extra vitamins and drink lots of herbal tea.

 

I am on sleep medication, which I use from time to time. A non addictive pill is Melatonin, I am on temazepam which is addictive on the long term. Nowadays I don't need them... luckily. A healthier way would be to go swimming before dinner, which makes you nice and sleepy and is a good way of blowing off some steam.

 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!!

 

Ilse.

[Fif Angel]

Yes I agree, you have to look after yourself. From what you have posted I`m sure he will call, he sounds like an honourable guy.

 

It would be very unusual to not speak to you for a month and then phone you to break up. He`s probably missing you and has had a long think about his life etc.

 

Please try and get some sleep and eat something- you still have 7 days to go and you need your energy. Take care

[Tryingtobestrong]

Dear Sweetsparkle,

 

you are very strong. I know if I were in your situation I could not hold on and wait for him to tell me whether he wants to be with me or not. I would want to know it NOW, and thereforeeee probably lose my last chance with him.

 

So kudos to you for not contacting him.

 

I wanna be positive and encouraging, but I think it is really hard from him to not even send you a short message in a month just asking if you are okay.

 

Even if in a week he tells you that he would like to continue your relationship, are you sure you would want it? After all the pain and hurt this has caused you?

 

I hope you are able to look beyond the pain his not being here causes you and decided if he is really that great, that you still want to be with him as if nothing ever happened.

 

I agree with everyone that you should take care of yourself, eat and rest properly.

 

I am holding my thumbs for you and hope that everything works out the way you want it to.

 

Good luck.

[Hope75]

Hi Sweetsparkle,

 

Wow! You are a very strong woman! I am going through something slightly similar in that my live in BF of 2 years broke it off with me 3 weeks ago, but we are kind of spending time together and trying to see if we can make this happen or call it off for good. I'm hoping we end up together too.

 

I feel like the jury is out deliberating on my fate, don't you??

 

I really admire that you have had the wherewithal to respect your man's request for this time and to stick to it. I agree with you (at least I think from your actions that we have the same idea here) that some pain is worth it if it ends the way you hope it will....together and stronger because of this.

 

It sounds from what he said to you that he is a man of his word and he does still love you, and sometimes space is a good thing for a relationship, esp. if there was alot of tension and fighting, which it sounds like there was. Trust me, I am learning all about space too.

 

As for your weight loss, I feel you there too. I have lost 10lbs since this breakup (but hey, I gained 20 while we were together, so woohoo!! )

 

But like Ilse said, you should try and eat at least something, I like her idea of blending yogurt and fruit. Try and get your rest too, even if it is in cat naps, or take a warm bath before bed and have some Sleepytime Tea.

 

I'm sure he WILL call, he won't just forget you in a month. You know it takes alot longer than that if you love someone!

 

You know we are all rooting for you here, and I really hope this ends up the way you want it too. It would be nice if more people here had happy endings. (with or without the exes!)

[sweetsparkle]

thanks so much everyone who has given me this support. i'm not feeling any better today but at least i ate something. i feel like a wreck. i don't even want to take a shower (and i'm usually i very clean person) or go out. my friend did drag me out last night but i felt so empty and zoned out. i've been like this with my friends and i feel bad.

 

friday is xmas eve. i'll be alone. sometimes i wonder why he wouldn't even contact me before then. is waiting exactly one month necessary for him?

[Hope75]

sweetsparkle,

 

Where will yor family and friends be on Xmas eve?

 

This will be my first Xmas w/out my love too, I feel your pain, I really do. I am going to go to my sister's with my best friend and have some drinks and just hang out.....

 

Surely you have someone around who would love to spend Fri night with you!

 

It is all up to you, if you feel you can't handle the wait anymore it's your decision to call it off and tell him you want out... but you are SO CLOSE, SO CLOSE I think if you've made it this far, you can go the distance, if this guy is worth it to you! (and it sounds like he is)

 

hang in there, sweetsparkle! not much farther to go!

[panchala23]

I think someone else said this before but the month thing sounds kind of arbitrary. It seems like he would contact you about things before christmas because it is aroudn this time that people realize how much other people mean to them because of the general mood of the holidays. My ex hasnt contacted me at all and so I feel like it really shows me where her mind is, i.e. not on me. Its tough I know, especially when you have the short end of the break up. I dunno, its hard for me to give advice on these things because I am just as lost as the next person haha.

[sweetsparkle]

i doubt it if he'll contact me before christmas. a mutual friend thinks he will wait exactly one month because he's already gone this far so he'll lose face if he contacts me earlier than planned.

 

but one thing is for sure. being apart from him really made me realize how much i do love him. if i were given a second chance, then i would do things differently. i will definitely have a different perspective on our problems and on our relationship in general. before, i was too set in my ways and i did many things to drive him away. now, i will choose my battles carefully because i truly believe that we must cherish and respect our partners. in the past, i was always worried about what the future held for us instead of enjoying the relationship for what it was in the present. my worries turned into nagging and fighting, two things which led me to where i am now. i'm learning alot about myself and how i deal with relationships. i'm beginning to realize that the root of most of our problems stemmed alot from my insecurities.

[panchala23]

In my experience in the past and currently, it is the enormous burden of the breakupee to deal with the kinds of issues you are talking about. There is always this feeling of something could have been done to prevent it, I know because I am there too. That is probably natural, but I am not sure if it is the best thing for you or myself to do. Good luck with the upcoming deadline, but really do plan for the worst. If things work out it can only make it better. And if things do work out, really ask yourself why he needed a month to figure things out.

[sweetsparkle]

i know that for my own good, i should expect the worse - that he won't come back to me. BUT in my heart, i still have faith in him and what he said before we took the break - to believe in us and that this break will be good.

 

i'm not taking the blame for what happened, nor am i'm feeling that there are things i could have done to prevent the break up. what i'm doing now and for the past month is reflecting upon my actions and his and on why we fought so much. when i was in the relationship, i didn't have time to take a step back and clearly see the whole picture. now that i'm beginning to realize many things about myself and the relationship, i can take steps to improve so the same problems won't occur if i do get back with him OR if i get into another relationship with someone new.

 

also, during this time away from him, it made me realize that i love him more than i thought. i think i took him for granted when i was with him. i hope he feels the same way, but that is only hope.

 

my friends asked me to go out tonight but i can't. i feel so weak.

wish me luck.......i really need it right now.

[arwen]

Girl, do yourself a favour and enjoy a night out with your friends! They are really important in these times. At deep down moments I know this forum is wonderful and the tv and phone might give you a way to escape life and just lock yourself inside. I think it would help you more if you would leave all your worries on a note at home, walk out the door, put the note in your mailbox, forget about it for 3 hours when you have a nice beer at a pub and have a good laugh.

 

Go for it! Making yourself miserable all day is NOT influencing him, it's only affecting your mood and not in a positive way.

 

take care sweety,

 

Ilse.

[ocean9]

I wish you strength, peace, and happiness.

 

Whatever happens, know that you are worthy of love, and that what is meant to be yours, will be yours.

[sweetsparkle]

i want to pick up the phone and call him so bad. but i know i can't. i'm going crazy here. 4 more days of agony. and maybe even more if he doesn't keep his promise of calling. time apart with no contact is so hard and i don't even understand how much good it can do......

[arwen]

I know how you feel, girl... still I think you could spare yourself part of the agony by not letting yourself sink into it too much. I know these are overwhelming feelings that hold you down at the moment. Still I hope you manage to have the strength to take care of yourself, and to enjoy some time with other people.

 

take care,

 

Ilse.

[Hope75]

Sweetsparkle you sound exactly like I do, I think the exact same thing happened with my ex and I, I was SO worried about our future and when were we going to to get engaged and move towards marriage that I didn't even enjoy the relationship for what is was each moment of each day.

 

All of the sudden it was gone. It was like one minute I was so concerned about marrying him and the next I wondered if we'd ever see each other again.

 

I feel like my insecurities blinded me and helped unravel my relationship and I think you are doing a healthy thing, the same as what I am doing, and that is reflecting on your relationship, deciding how you do feel about him, considering the problems that you had and thinking of different ways to handle problems with him in the future. I wish you alot of strength, and hey, if you're trying to keep yourself busy, have a look at my story:

 

link removed

 

and let me know you think!

 

Be Strong! You are ALMOST there!

 

Hope

[sweetsparkle]

thanks again for everyone's support. it's dec 25 here, christmas day, and i still haven't heard a word from him. is he thinking of me? why would he wait until so long. i miss him. i'm scared too. doesn't look too good, especially since the holidays are here.

 

i don't even know where he is.

[Hope75]

sweetsparklle,

 

I'm sure where ever he is, he is thinking of you. It is natural, during the holidays to remember the ones you love and that are special to you.

 

I hope you're having a good day, and hanging in there.

 

It has been an emotional day for me too. I saw my ex last night, and the details are in my post...

 

link removed

 

if you are interested, have a look. I can always use new advice.

 

Take care,

 

Hope

[ocean9]

sweet,

 

You're not the only one going through this. A lot of us are in the same boat...waiting it out to see what will happen. Personally, I think it sucks to leave someone hanging. It's just so rude!

 

Hopefully he'll contact you soon, and you'll have some answers.

 

During this time apart, think about whether or not he really is the one for you if he can treat you this way.

[sweetsparkle]

Today is the day he is supposed to contact me to give me a clear answer (a verdict, more like it). I don't even know if he will remember, since Dec 26 seems like an odd day. Maybe he thinks it's Dec 31. I don't even dare to check my email. Last night (please don't frown), I just stayed in my room and slept. I think I slept for more than 12 hours. What a way to spend christmas. All of my friends are pretty frustrated. They want to call him but no one really knows where he is. He could be either in SF or Taipei. If he is still in SF, then too bad for us because he is with his family there and there would be no time for him to be alone and reflect upon things. To make matters worse is that his sister and mom doesn't think we should be together now. So, thereforeeee, time apart would be down the drain if he is in SF. sorry for rambling. just really sad, frustrated and down at this point.

[Hope75]

Sweetsparkle,

 

So today is THE day, huh?

 

Hmmm..... yes maybe if he is with his family he is not able to get away and contact you just yet..... but don't lose faith, from what you said about him before, this guy has not forgotten you, and I think you will get your answer either way, hopefully sooner rather than later....

 

Don't feel bad about Christmas in your room..... after last night with my ex being so emotional and tying my guts up in knots ( & too much booze) , I threw up my Xmas dinner today and spent the rest of the say in my room, here and laying in my bed......

 

It's OK to grieve, just come out once in awhile to eat and see people, fresh air and the like.

 

So do his sister & mom not want you together because of the fighting?

 

I wonder if you surprised him with your ability to stick to the NC, did he express doubts that you would be able to handle it? You should be proud of yourself, this is quite something. So what exactly did he say when you last spoke? Did he say, "on Dec 26 I will call you & we will talk about things then?" why would he think it was Dec 31st? Did you both take note of the day when you began NC? Is he good at remembering things like the date?

 

On my thread I asked you some questions, some things I wondered if you had thought about, for when you do talk to him.

 

Let me know what you think,

 

Hope

[Tryingtobestrong]

Dear Sweetsparkle,

 

good luck for today. I have been following your thread this month and I think that you are very strong and I admire you for holding out for so long.

 

I hope that he contacts you today, but to be honest, what I would prefer would be that he calls, but you dont pick up! 8)

 

Let him call and you are not there. If he leaves a message call him back in a day or two acting nonchalant and saying something like 'Sorry, only just noticed that you called. What's up? How are yo doing?

 

Or even better, dont call him back, just ignore his calls and if he catches you on the phone, act really busy and disinterested. Act surprised that he called at all, as you thought you guys were over anyway.

 

this is just me, and maybe I am alone with my opinion, but I think a guy who claims to love you but then just stops contact for a month, because he wants it to, is not the right guy for you.

 

So he is calling all the shots and does not even wish you a merry Christmas? Does not sound like a guy who appreciates the great woman he has. Drop him and move on.

 

I wish you strength and happiness and a mindset where you dont care anymore if he calls or not.

 

All the best 8)

[sweetsparkle]

he didn't contact me today (the only way he could reach me is by email). but for some strange reason, i already assumed that he wouldn't. now, i don't know what to expect, or if i should expect anything at all.

 

here's a recap of my story: his parents do not want us to be together anymore because of all the fighting. they're traditional chinese parents and to them, a girlfriend should smile and give good energy to the boyfriend no matter what so he could focus on his career. thye used to love me, even wanted us to get married, but now that they saw us fighting, they disapprove. that's why there was all that drama in San Francisco and i think he couldn't take the pressure from his family.

 

as for our agreement, he just said that he still loves me but what he really needs is time apart. he said that in the past, our fighting has never been resolved and we never gave each other time to be apart and cool down. he thinks that if we want to save our relationship, we need to try something new - which is time apart. he told me to have faith in him and that there is 90% chance we will be back together.

 

so before i left, he said one month apart with NO contact. but we didn't say that on dec 26, he will contact me so i don't know exactly. and also, it's dec 25 in SF still.......

 

our situation is really weird. when we were in boston, we were both still in school so we were very happy with no problems. after we graduated, he moved back to taipei and i followed him. soon enough that's when the problems began. we both didn't find jobs, his parents pressured him every time they called since thye were still supporting us, we didn't have any friends so we were alone together almost 24/7. i don't know if that's what caused alot of the problems.

[Softmoonlight]

Did he contact you? I hope things turned out the way you wanted them to dear. I completely sympathize with you. Here's a big hug

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!!!!

 

God bless you.