thinking of them with others

[cheeseboy]

Dear all

 

I am recently back with my GF and life could not be better

 

But i know that during our split of 11 months she slept with someone else.

 

But then so did I.

 

The problem is i find myself thinking about it, I know i shouldn't, but it makes be feel bad and sick when i do.

 

She has chosen to be with me now, that i am certain, but the feeling still crops up.

 

I am interested in peoples thought and experiences on this.

 

 

cheeseboy

[striderhiryu81]

I had this experience as well as I was cheated on and we ended up getting back together. The main thing for me to remember was that we were going through a rough time and I forgave her. I told her " I forgive you" and for that I released all of my rights to bring it back up again. I had to work really hard but since I told her I forgave her I had to suppress it. If I couldn't handle it I shouldn't have made the choice to take her back.

 

Eventually it went away and we were happy for a long time.

 

Since you and your GF decided to give it another shot ( your situation is obviously different than mine but the same rule applies) you really have to put it behind you. It is not fair to her for you to be thinking about what she did while you were apart. All it will do is diminish her value in your mind and if you will allow that to happen then why are you even trying to give it another go? You did the same thing she did and she's not holding it over your head. Think of it that way.

 

Also, about that other guy... Looking from his perspective, she had been with YOU before she was with him right? Now he's outta luck and you guys cared enough about each other to give it another try. So he's the LOSER in this situation in more ways than one. Forget about him.

[Jimbo10]

You know, it's plainly obvious you both made mistakes, if you dwell on the past forever, then their was no point in getting back together anyway. So put it behind you, look at today, and the future, forgive and forget my friend

 

Good luck

Merry Christmas

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

The best way to treat a guilty conscience is treat ur gf nicer, if she is happy, u will also be happier. U dun know have to know why u feel guilty u just have to be certain u are happy with this gf of urs now.

[cheeseboy]

Dear everybody,

 

This is exactly the response I was after ! Thankyou all so much. I look forward now to a Happy Christmas and a new year that can now be spent in ways i never thought possible now we are back together.

 

Take care, and to the future!

 

 

cheeseboy

[striderhiryu81]

Great to hear that we could all help. I'm sure you knew what you had to do, but it helps to have people believe in your choices as well. I wish all the best to your relationship!

[blueyed99]

I feel "your pain." I went through something very similar and I know it wasn't fun. Nor easy. Infact, the week after my ex and I got back together I was putting some stuff away and ran accross an ENTIRE DRAWER filled with condoms. My bf and I hadn't used them since the first year we were together (we were together for eight years) and I had never seen them in the years before we broke up so I was certain they had been purchased recently - most likely when my ex was dating "this other girl" (they dated for six months). Even though he was no longer with this girl I tortured myself with constant thoughts of their relationship and THEIR sexlife. It's almost as if I strived to drive myself crazy. I thought about her constantly and created the most scandalous thoughts in my mind. I didn't want to forgive (even though I said I did) because I was so angry, hurt and disgusted. I wanted to punish him. I was afraid of getting hurt again.

 

Fast forward six months. In time I did forget. As each day passed I realized I was thinking about "their amazing sexlife, their flawless relationship" less and less. Obviously, he didn't want to be with her. He had chosen to be with ME.

 

 

There is something else I'd like to mention. It's pretty basic but I think it may help to put things in perspective for you. The thoughts that you're creating in your mind (of "them") are 100000 times more extreme (played out, scandalous, like an xxx rated film) in your mind than what went on, in actuality. We exaggerate and create extreme and unrealistic thoughts of things that we do not know in order to fill in the gaps - possibly to ensure we don't get hurt again. In other words, the thoughts that you're creating in our mind are probably wayyy out of touch, exaggerated and unrealistic. So, take a deep breathe! Remember -- your imagination (they were having the greatest sex of all time, hanging from the chandaliers) is NOT AT ALL reality.