Why is No Contact so accepted here?

[Tanzi]

Very basically, I think he is saying that NC isn't for everyone … though I could be wrong.

[abitbroken]

Still acronymising No Contact into a panacea trivialises a major emotional issue of the one searching for solutions, giving what s/he considers anathema as a cure of first resort. Everyone is different.

 

If someone breaks up with you, it usually means that the "solution" for restoring a good relationship has already been tried and now its all over. People usually put long thought into breaking up and its not a knee jerk thing. They have checked out long before and have gone over 50 scenarios in their mind on how to make it work before they broke it off unless they broke off for a major dealbreaker like their significant other is abusing drugs, stole from them, hurt a child, etc.

 

You simply cannot see what your part in the breakup of your relationship was when you are

centering your life on her next phone call. You have to leave the situation and grow without her. The only asterisk is if the relationship ended due to neglect (not making time for the person), then in that case MAYBE things can be salvaged by paying attention to the person but often it is too little too late.

 

After you are apart, you might wonder what you were thinking to be with that person in the first place or you can grow stronger. If you don't leave them alone, you can't grow as a person. Maybe part of the problem in the relationship was because one was immature or too centered on the other person, etc.

 

Maybe you will run into them again down the line and you will have both changed and be healthier people to be in a relationship with or maybe you won't...but whatever you are now and doing now is not working.

[Mesemene]

People don't usually come here in the immediate aftermath of being told "I'm sorry, but it's over, there is no longer a relationship to work on."

 

And I include myself from years before this forum existed.

 

You go through denial. Of course they'll come around! You beg. You ask what you did wrong. You plead for just one chance. And in the process, you make yourself the human being on earth that person most wants to avoid seeing. And make yourself feel even worse. At the point you're a human puddle and your friends and family are completely tired of hearing about it is when you turn to strangers on a forum, not usually before.

 

At that point - no contact isn't cruel. It's not an instant cure. But it does stop the self destructive cycle of rubbing salt into your own wounds, and making yourself progressively less attractive to your ex, not to mention, to yourself. If the ex thought breaking up was a good idea BEFORE you started begging, unless they're sadistic, it's a pretty safe bet the begging and acting like a human doormat/puddle reinforces "thank god I left him/her!"

[Shane Falco]

Very basically, I think he is saying that NC isn't for everyone … though I could be wrong.

 

I knew what he was saying, just thought it was a great opportunity to break out that video

[Lorem Ipsum]

Still acronymising No Contact into a panacea trivialises a major emotional issue of the one searching for solutions, giving what s/he considers anathema as a cure of first resort. Everyone is different.

Yes, when someone dumps you, you want to know why. In movies and on TV, getting "closure" from the other party is always a great experience, leaving the "hero" of the story wondering what they ever saw in that person in the first place, that they weren't at fault for the break up, that they're terrific, etc. But real life ain't like that. The best closure you're ever going to get (and most often the only) is what you give yourself. The one who left, the one who has the answers... doesn't care about the person they left enough to share them or they would have done something to fix the problems before they left. Sometimes, there aren't any answers or answers you want to hear anyway. Would it make you feel better to know that you were left because they realised you were stupid? Or because you gained too much weight? How about that you have bad breath? What if it was something you couldn't fix, like you have a nasal voice or you're not 25 any more? If someone doesn't want to be with you any more, they've decided it and there isn't anything you can do to change their mind so you're better off doing whatever you can to not be reminded of them until you're over them. Hence, No Contact.

 

have gone over 50 scenarios in their mind

So wait a minute... are you trying to say that there must be 50 ways to leave your lover?

[Tanzi]

I knew what he was saying, just thought it was a great opportunity to break out that video

 

I guessed you did. It was just a chance to make a point!!!