Should I tell him I snooped?

[oitnb]

I did something and now I really regret it. I snooped. Yes, me the person who is so anti-snooping! I'm really kicking myself right now.

 

My boyfriend is a big texter/ into his phone. Always playing on it or texting someone. I don't think he's doing anything (and now I know he's not)

 

Butttt, we both got drunk. Before he passed out he gave me his pass code and asked me to make sure if he had work in the morning or not (he has a work schedule app on his phone).

 

I laid there for a good 45 minutes with the devil on one shoulder telling me to look "you have the pass code! Look! Better to know now!" And the angel on the other shoulder "don't look! He's given you no reason to doubt him!"

 

In my drunken state of mind I decided to look. There wasn't anything bad. There was two Facebook messages that COULD be possibly interpreted as shady, but in my heart I know there not and it's just my trust issues from being cheated on in the past coming back to haunt me.

 

Part of me is relieved that nothing was there, and it also is reassuring that by not being clingy or snooping has lead our relationship in the right direction (not pushing him to cheat, no pressure to watch out who he talks to for fear of me freaking out, ect). Kinda counter productive now though considering I did snoop in the end. But yeah.

 

Part of me is feeling incredibly guilty and paranoid that he will find out I looked and get understandably upset.

 

I'm just wondering if I should put this behind me, knowing I'll never make this dumb mistake again, or risk causing an issue in our relationship and trust in me by fessing up the truth?! HELP!

 

(If there are any spelling errors I apologize for I am still a slight bit tipsy)

[RainyCoast]

LOL hun he gave you the pass code and asked you to go over his apps- would he do that if he was trying to hide something?

It's okay, don't say anything and don't do it again, at least you're reassured you have no reason to now.

I would say this is bad if you were generally constantly on his back but this way it's kinda funny as in "I guess curiosity can get to the best of them"

Will he be able to see that you've read the messages when he logs into facebook?

You sound like a cool girlfriend otherwise so I don't think you need to fear having an issue with him over this. Chill, I think you'll be fine

[oitnb]

He might be able to find out that I looked at the Facebook messages, I'm not sure. I'm an iPhone person and he's an android person so i could barely figure out how to work that darn thing!

 

I just feel bad. Especially considering I didn't find anything bad lol.

[RainyCoast]

It's funny cause you're cool. As in "It isn't possible to be that perfect. He must have done something at least remotely wrong. C'mon android, momma needs to dig up some dirt just to make sure she's dating an actual person with flaws!"

If an otherwise cool and trusting SO did that I would laugh and tell him he can go through anything. He doesn't sound stuck up either so I'm pretty sure he won't fuss even if he sees the messages have been read. just go "dang it i was drunk and the devil told me to look because it just sounds too good that a man wouldn't engage in even the tiniest flirting on the side. thank you for being the guy who leaves the devil disappointed- I pledge to do the same myself in the future".

Am pretty sure it'll be fine

[oitnb]

Lol yeah... I think I'll just leave it be but tell him the truth if he asks about it. I feel silly now

[xConfusedHeart]

My boyfriend has snooped through my phone and read my text messages etc and used them against me in an argument and I was like - what? How did you know that? And he said he looked through my phone. That made me mad. However if he just went through my phone it wouldn't really bother me I have nothing to hide.

 

It's still an invasion of privacy though, it's bad but there are worse things. It's pretty harmless - just don't make a habit of it or else it'll just add to paranoia. You'll keep looking almost as if you 'want' to find something to catch him out. When people are insecure they try and find reasons for it as its hard to understand otherwise. I guess finding something would be like - see it's not just all in my head I knew it! Kinda a cruel reassurance.

 

If he's given you no reason to doubt him and gave you his pass-code and everything else in your relationship seems okay then you'll be fine Don't Worry

 

Do you mind giving me your opinion on my situation at the moment? I'm trying to get advice as well It's also under relationships it's the "Boyfriend Lied and Premeditated Cheating On Me" one... I'll really appreciate it

[tumbles]

Bah, let it go.

By telling him, you may cause him to believe that you don't trust him, or are capable of whatever you were looking for yourself, or don't respect his privacy ...

 

If you get busted somehow, smile, apologize, blame it on drunk moment, opportunity and it was fun reading or something.

 

That said ... unless there is some compelling reason (and frankly not even then), don't ever go there! You are feeding a monster that has voracious appetite. When you just know, you know. Snooping, bugging a phone, laptop ... will only cause you unnecessary pain and problems.

 

tumbles

[oitnb]

Bah, let it go.

By telling him, you may cause him to believe that you don't trust him, or are capable of whatever you were looking for yourself, or don't respect his privacy ...

 

If you get busted somehow, smile, apologize, blame it on drunk moment, opportunity and it was fun reading or something.

 

That said ... unless there is some compelling reason (and frankly not even then), don't ever go there! You are feeding a monster that has voracious appetite. When you just know, you know. Snooping, bugging a phone, laptop ... will only cause you unnecessary pain and problems.

 

tumbles

 

Yeah, I've been that crazy compulsive snooper girl in the past And it only leads to problems. Granted, he did end up cheating on me in the end, but yeah.

 

This will be a one time occurrence. Especially now that I saw there's nothing wrong doing on.

[JA0371]

I think having his password is a slippery slope.......proceed with caution.

[Keere]

Do you think he did it to test you? Even the slightest hint of jealousy might have caused him to clean up his messages before you came over knowing he was going to hand you his phone and pw. I did this with the ex to prove I had nothing to hide because she seemed snoopy. I had nothing to hide but wanted to prove it so I deleted anything I didnt feel she should know and asked her to check my messages. Believe me he knows you snooped. Just a thought.

[Ayanokōji]

Any intelligent guy who does shady things will know to clear his browser history, auto sign out of FB after use etc... Only someone who is ignorant or has nothing to hide will let you find anything.

[oitnb]

Do you think he did it to test you? Even the slightest hint of jealousy might have caused him to clean up his messages before you came over knowing he was going to hand you his phone and pw. I did this with the ex to prove I had nothing to hide because she seemed snoopy. I had nothing to hide but wanted to prove it so I deleted anything I didnt feel she should know and asked her to check my messages. Believe me he knows you snooped. Just a thought.

 

No. I've never been. Jealous towards him or given him a reason to "prove" himself. And he was almost black out drunk when he asked me to look so I'm pretty sure he had no idea what he was doing and didn't care lol.

[oitnb]

Any intelligent guy who does shady things will know to clear his browser history, auto sign out of FB after use etc... Only someone who is ignorant or has nothing to hide will let you find anything.

 

Well then I think it's nothing to hide. He was logged into all his social networks.

[superfan]

Consider this a life lesson.

 

Obviously he trusted you enough to give you his pass code and he would have to be a special kind of stupid to leave incriminating texts on there if he was messing around.

 

Bottom line - you invaded his privacy and you feel bad about it. That is natural.

 

I don't think you need to say something to him about it though unless the guilt is absolutely eating you up inside - best leave that argument un-had.

 

That kind of thing is really dependent on the couple. Some couples demand to know each other's passwords and others don't want that kind of temptation. My husband and I know each other's passwords and share a phone plan. I can check his stuff any time I want to, but I never do because I just don't feel the need. Obviously if I was looking all the time, we might have issues.

 

Let it go this time.