WeeToad Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I tried talking to him. I was doing my usual thing of being really suggestive and playful while getting passively rejected. I made a bondage joke, and he at least acknowledged it. He said BDSM wasn't his thing. I playfully asked him what his thing is, then. He wouldn't tell me, saying it would be too embarrassing, but he kept bringing it back into the conversation, like he was being a tease about it. I kept taking the bait and reassuring him that it wasn't something to be embarrassed about. I asked him if he was raised in a very conservative household or something. He said no. And then I found myself blurting out how I think it's weird that he almost never touches me anymore and shows no interest in intimacy anymore (like he did the first few weeks at least), and how it makes me wonder if he even finds me attractive. It just kept spilling out in a ramble. He laughed and said he does find me attractive, but he left it at that and gave no explanation. Then he abruptly showed me what he was into, pulled out a few DVDs from a hidden spot in his bedroom and handed them to me. It was nothing crazy but it at least confirmed he's not gay. I was very laid back about it, told him he has good taste (was a genuine compliment, one of the DVDs looked appealing) and told him that he doesn't need to feel embarrassed about something like that. I told him that it's normal for people to be interested in sex. He gave me a quick peck on the lips and told me that maybe I would be "the girl to help him with that." I felt relieved for the moment, except for that it made no sense because he was just fine getting frisky when we first became exclusive. But - I finally told him what's been bothering me and I haven't snooped on his phone. Goal passed. We spent the rest of the day being a little more affectionate (non-sexual) and humorous than usual, but damn it all when we got into bed, I cuddled up to him mostly naked and started touching him, and he laid there like he was made of stone until he passed out. Then all day today it's been the same as usual. He's constantly texting some mystery person on his phone and being obviously secretive about it (locking his phone after every text or every time he checks for a new text, hiding the screen when I walk by, etc) and it's like we're two male roommates. I think this is it, ladies and gentlemen. Wish me luck on the breakup tomorrow. At least I tried instead of snooping, though. Yay me, I guess. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Good for you. Time to get back out there and find someone for you and hour libido! Link to comment
jjkk Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Yes! Good for you on not snooping! It sounds like he was giving you all the information you needed anyway. Best of luck! Link to comment
Realitynut Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Congrats! You're a stronger woman than I. If he's not looking at a guy....what the heck IS he looking at/txting. I can't imagine a guy NOT wanting a woman who is laying right next to him.....practically begging for it! Makes no sense. edit.....btw...good luck tomorrow. Breakups are never easy. He probably won't want to let you go...but then again, apparently it won't bother him THAT much.... Link to comment
WeeToad Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Well I suck at hiding my feelings. He was pretending to read a school paper but texting the mystery person on his other leg. I was on the bed with my laptop. I closed my laptop but didn't move otherwise, like I might get up. He quickly but 'slyly' reached and locked his phone when he heard me close my laptop. I felt really upset but couldn't say anything. I spent my last relationship being the "crazy" one, don't want to be that role again. I quietly packed up my stuff while he just stared at me in silence with a look of fear on his face. Good lord was that awkward. I asked him to go ahead and take me home, end of the weekend and all. He kept asking me if I was okay, and I kept saying yeah (I know, I know, pants on fire). When he dropped me off it was super awkward. I turned to face him, and normally we would give a quick kiss, but he just stared at me, still looking nervous. I think we just stared at each other for a good 15 seconds in the snowing dark. He asked again if I was okay. I lied again. He gave me a quick kiss and told me to text him sometime. I said okay and went inside. And now I am sitting here. I don't know how to break up with someone. Am I female d-bag if I do it in a text tomorrow? Not even sure what to say. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Sounds like he was expecting it and knows it's coming. Yes, you are a d-bag if you break up in a text. Call him and ask to see him. He'll probably know what's up and make you do it on the phone. (And don't worry, this gets easier with practice!) Link to comment
WeeToad Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Just ticks me off that I managed to tell him how I've been feeling, which is really hard for me, but I promised that I'd tell him if something was bothering me, so I did. I didn't snoop, I told him how I was feeling and why. And he laughed at me and kept acting the same way. And he sneakily hides texts with the mystery person ALL the time, but he's not even good at being inconspicuous, so it's just like a slap in the face. I feel like I got in there and rolled with the punches, and I'm still facing down my worst enemy - which is an enemy that won't face me down. Just cowardly avoids and makes me feel like crap and forces me to be the 'bad guy'. I hate that crap. But I will still do it in person. Just chaps my buns that he's making me do this instead of telling me what the heck is going on. Blargh. Link to comment
jjkk Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Best of luck! You can do it. I agree with the above poster who said if you call him and say you want to get together to talk he'll probably sense what's coming and force you to tell him over the phone but if not, you can be strong and do it. Link to comment
MJWasHere Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Have you asked him who he is always texting? If not, why not??? Screw conventions, if Im in a committed relationship with someone, I have access to their phone. You can be sure I'd look in a hot second I they were exhibiting that kind of behavior. I wouldn't even meet up to end it, just do it in a text. Or better yet, just ignore him, let him call you and do it over the phone. Sorry I don't have the backstory, but you sound like a very reasonable person and he sounds like a massive Doosh to be sneaking around on his phone like that. He really sounds like a massive coward. And 100% yes he is likely cheating. You deserve so much better. Dont allow yourself to be treated like this for a single second more. Link to comment
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