should i be jealous?

[flavia88]

A couple months ago I found out that my boyfriend had once (before he knew me) asked out one of his close friends and she had said no. I know the girl and she is very nice but i get very bothered by the idea that he is still good friends with her even afteer she said no and basically goes anywhere with her whenever she asks him. most of the time when they go somewhere together tehre are other people too but there have been times when they went to movies together (nobody else) and i was not informed.

I told him that it bothered me a lot. He replied saying that when he had asked her out it was a casual thing and he hadn't known her for too long then. IT's later that they became friends and that he isn't interested in her that way now.

But he keeps repeating that she is a good friend etc.

We broke up a month ago and while we were broken up, i brought up this issue and said that i would not feel comfortable abotu him hanging out with her if we got back together. he said that if we were already in a relationship then he would consider taht but since we were not, that didnt make a lot of sense. we are back together, and i dont know if i should bring this up again.

what botehrs me is the fact that she had said no to him and it doesnt bother him and he still goes places with her when she asks him to....although he keeps insisting that shes just a good friend.

[ShuShu Fontana]

You should watch Chasing Amy.

 

My boyfriend is still friends with a lot of girls he casually dated or asked out and got turned down. He's with YOU now. You have to be secure in that. My best friend is a guy who asked me out at one time and I said no, and he's still my best friend. If my bf ever had a problem with me being friends with him I would tell him to eat it. Get over it. Grow up. He just met another good friend of mine who I tried to date and it didn't work out. he's secure in our relationship not to be threatened by the past. It's the PAST. Now if this chick had been a serious girlfriend I could see you being peeved about them spending so much time together, but they never even dated. You need to let it go.

[ImfeelingBlue]

I agree with ShuShu,

If they never even dated and it didn't ever go farther then friendship before you, why would it when he's with you? What I'm saying is, if he asked her then it shouldn't make a difference now. I understand a little about the being bothered with him always going places with her without you knowing but I mean that's his friend. Best you could do is ask him to settle your mind and tell you when the 2 plan to go out so it doesn't seem as if he's hiding something. Or that there's something to hide at all. He might not report to you about him and her going wherever but he might give you the courtesy and decide to let you in on it because you are his partner. His girlfriend. I wouldn't be jealous but I do understand that it bothers you a bit. Just be secure in that its you he's with not her. If he wanted her that bad don't you think he'd be with her now? Friends is all they probably are and will be. The past can't haunt your relationship or it will never progress for the future. Just my teo cents. Take care. We're listening. Peace.

[Fif Angel]

How did you find out that he asked her out?

 

If he told you himself then it`s a sign that he`s well over her- he briefly like her once, things didn`t work out, they`re now good friends and he doesn`t have a problem telling you as the idea of going out with her now is probably a completely alien concept for him.

 

I can sympathise with you entirely. It`s hard knowing that your boyfriend is spending a lot of time with a girl he once had feelings for. You probably worry, at the back of your mind, that he might still carry a little torch for her right?

 

The crux of this issue though is that she turned him down. That says a lot. She`s not interested in him. They`re only friends. In fact I think it`s actually a good sign that he has close female friends as so many guys in my experience are only able to view woman as nookie.

 

When I started going out with my boyfriend he had this female friend he was really close to. He has a lot of female friends and I`ve never had a problem with any of them except this one girl. The reason? When he was talking about her to me before we were going out he described her as `really hot`. That comment always stayed with me. Totally irrational I know but they were very close and used to hang about on their own sometimes, going to the cinema etc. It was always at the back of my mind that he might have a sexual interest in her or worrying that he found her more attractive than me. I think it was just the way he phased it. Obviously he is going to find other people attractive but he wouldn`t usually put it in those overt terms.

 

However I knew I was just being ridiculous and it was only going to eat me up worrying about it so I had to let it go. I got to know this girl, found her to be really pleasant and realised that there was not a hint of sexual frission between the two of them.

 

My advice: Just let it go. He`s with you now. It is hard but at the end of the day the only person who`s going to be affected by all this worrying is you.

[Dubz]

if this boy really wants to just be friends with her then why cant u be her friend too, after all u are part of his life. i dont think its right that he didnt tell u he was going to the cinema with her but just try and explain ur side and how u feel in a calm way, why cant u all hang out without eachother? i hope everything works out for you, take care.

[Cecelius]

I agree that there's no particular reason to be bugged by this girl since there's basically no history there -- this is not an ex, or a girl he used to hook up with, or whatever.