I HAVE BEEN CONVERTED

[titan]

Dudes, i was not a fan of NC, i chased and called my Ex for 3.5 months to get back together, everytime i finished talking to her i would feel worse and angry. Finally i found out that some guy was chasing her and she broke it off with me to go with him.

 

After this i decided to cut her off totally, which was hard her sister and i are friends and see each other weekly.

 

But i managed to avoid her at all costs. Its only been 2 weeks but man things become so much clearer in your mind...and guess what this guy broomed her and now she "realises" she made a mistake or so her sister tells me.

 

Either way she hasn't stopped calling me for the last two days....but unfortuanatly its too late. The damage is inreversable and even though i love her and always will. i know i can never be with her. Her debt to me is too much.

 

So people who don't do NC try it...It awesome.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

Try what?? Calling her and laff at her saying.. hey i got back? Lolx!

 

Thanks for sharing with me the stuff, i got a different view of what u said. But i guess it would be better to wish for her to move on and pray for her.

 

U been thru the pain, and yes, now her turn to go thru it, dun u were like her wanting to end the pain last time?

 

Have u ever feel like picking up her call and talk, since u had wanted her back long ago? She may owes u a lot, but it doesnt hurt to talk to her since u had moved on..

 

All the best in ur endeavour, be mercy in ur actions sometimes, god above knows..

[striderhiryu81]

Congrats man I'm with you on that. I just experienced something similar. EX cheated on me with this guy and we got over it and a week ago she went back to him and I dropped her. She was crying so hard it was crazy but since I hadn't seen her for a week adn had more clear thoughts I was strong enough to handle it. I love the girl to death but she obviously didn't feel the same for me. I still love her to this day but it won't work. I demand the same respect that I gave to her.

 

Congrats again, I like hearing that your eyes were opened just as mine were. In my next relationship I won't take all the crap that this girl put me through and I'm sure that you will be strong enough as well. NC made me a better person too and my next partner will be appreciated that much more by me because I know the hurt it can cause to not be honest. I know how much I hurt.

[titan]

In reply to Prosper

 

no i dude i was just saying lately i have been reading alot of people saying that they are not fans of NC...But if its not working out they should try it.

 

In regards to the other stuff, yeah maybe i am still hurt and angry but for the moment i don't need her, i had too much respect for her but no i realise i am the one who the better person.

 

 

 

 

Look what she has done..pfft now she regrets it.

 

by the way thats what i meant by respect..I out her on a peddle stool

[Prosper]

I am happy u understand what i mean.

[Deeplydepressed]

I am now trying to do NC. It's so hard especially if you were really in love with that person. I highly doubt my exboyfriend will contact me though. It's been a few months now though and I still experience great pain. It's nice to hear that it worked for you though. All of the guys here in enotalone seem so devoted. I wish my exboyfriend had been like that. Why do the nice girls always find a way to get burned by the bad guys. Argh!!!!! Anyway, I found it a waste to start a new topic so I'll ask my question here instead. There is this guy who I have hung out with on occasion when I was with my best friend. I want to go out New Years, but have nobody to go out with? Should I call him up and see what he's doing?

[striderhiryu81]

What would it hurt to ask? If you have hung out before he might appreciate it. Go for it!

[titan]

I am now trying to do NC. It's so hard especially if you were really in love with that person. I highly doubt my exboyfriend will contact me though. It's been a few months now though and I still experience great pain. It's nice to hear that it worked for you though. All of the guys here in enotalone seem so devoted. I wish my exboyfriend had been like that. Why do the nice girls always find a way to get burned by the bad guys. Argh!!!!! Anyway, I found it a waste to start a new topic so I'll ask my question here instead. There is this guy who I have hung out with on occasion when I was with my best friend. I want to go out New Years, but have nobody to go out with? Should I call him up and see what he's doing?

 

I don't see why not, it can not harm..Just a warning he may say no.

[baddasslegend92]

Go for it,What do you have to loose?

[rich46]

Personally, I don't see how anyone could not be a fan of NC. What's the alternative? Stay in contact with the ex? I fail to see how that will help our healing. The day I told my ex I couldn't be friends was one of the best (although also hardest) things I have ever done.

[titan]

yeah i mean i wouldn't do NC if i was going to get back with her, like in most cases you have to give it a go before you can finally write it off.

 

nice to see you Rich46 your story was one of the First i read when i got here...are you still taking youe ex on the trip???

[rich46]

yeah i mean i wouldn't do NC if i was going to get back with her, like in most cases you have to give it a go before you can finally write it off.

 

nice to see you Rich46 your story was one of the First i read when i got here...are you still taking youe ex on the trip???

Hi,

 

Oh noooooooooooooooo, I'm definitely not taking my ex on the trip!

 

In fact, there's been no more contact since I posted that situation about 2 months ago. She contacted me a few times in consecutive days and I'll admit it threw me. But looking back, I am almost embarrassed by what I was thinking and I am just so glad that I didn't buckle and ask her if she wanted to come.

 

The last couple of months have been stress free and I want to go to New Zealand and then Australia completely independent...not having to think about another person...

 

The man who goes alone can start today, but he who travels with another must wait until that other is ready.

--Henry David Thoreau

 

I know what you mean about NC, I was just referring to a lot of posts I've seen recently where people have said they aren't a fan of NC. If those people are posting in the "Getting Back Together" forum, then maybe I can understand it. But not when it is in the "Healing..." forum.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[Deeplydepressed]

NC sucks when you see your ex face in the paper all the time and when you have friends that are friends with his friends. I hate that I'm suffering like this and he's probrably livin it up with one of his groupies. It's hard for to believe in karma right now and it's not that I wish badness upon him, but it just sucks. I've never been rejected before. So my self esteem is rock bottom right now. I guess I put him on to big of a pedstel. I always do that in all my relationship though.

[Scottrn]

I guess I put him on to big of a pedstel. I always do that in all my relationship though.

 

Loving someone is nothing to be ashamed of. You love deeply, and thats awesome! But, it does have a price. I know, I do the same. In the end though, it's worth it. Even though we go through this everytime, we still can never look back and say we didn't do all we could for that person, and our conscience will be clear. Keep your heart soft, and wait for another chance at love....Don't forget to respect yourself as well, don't give it all to someone not deserving!

Try to keep your eyes open, you can't save the world!! 8)

[Deeplydepressed]

Scottrn,

 

You don't even know how much your post helps me to believe that I should and will find love with someone else. It's still hard for me to believe that though and this pain is starting to feel especially unbearable as I know the possibilty of that person never thinking about me or contacting me exists and that actually scares me. I am having a hell of a time trying to let go to the past. It's putting me in a situations where I feel so overhelmed by my feelings of sadness that I just don't know what to do, but lie down and die.

[Scottrn]

I hurt for you, really.......

I know the feeling, and sometimes it goes from bad to worse. The last thing you want to hear is that it takes time, but it does. I no longer feel like dying would be better, but it still gets to me now and then.

Let me share this mornings thoughts with you, hope you don't mind.

I flipped back and forth between the game and law & order 'criminal intent' last night, and it was about this doctor who turns out to be nuts in the end, but thats not the point. He was dating this lady his age (?40's)

who was a recovering alcoholic and was still insecure, but was strengthened by his being with her. She told the cops how nice he was, sweet, treated her well, understood her. At the end, she finds out with everyone else that he wasn't even close to who she thought he was, or led her to believe he was.

This had nothing to do with the storyline as it was all about catching this doctor, but I found myself thinking of her for the rest of the night and still this morning. She let down her guard, trusted him, and got lied to. How did she cope? What happened after he was arrested, in her mind? Did she stay sober, or was this blow to her already low self-esteem and sense of self-worth enough to put her back in the bottle?

I reflect on her to try and see me. What would I do? This may happen to me again, how will I deal with it? God willing I won't EVER shut down or get hard hearted towards others because of what happens. I see her story and KNOW that it had nothing to do with her, shes still a good person, struggling to be her best, but what does she see? Again, what will I choose to see?

I know you are a good person struggling (as we all are) to do and be your best. Do you see that? Or do you see a person still defined by the ex as someone unwanted and thereforeeee unworthy?

 

I really hope this made sense, I'm on break and trying to be quick about it, but your post really touched me.

Be strong, you are more than what anyone says you are, God loves you and says so!!

PM me anytime, the beginning is the worst, it gets better, promise! 8)

[Deeplydepressed]

This is horrible for me to think this way, but I sat home tonight on New Years Eve and thought about how my ex and probrably kissing some other girl at midnight. It's just so unbearable. I just don't understand what was wrong with me that he couldn't love me even after I confessed my love to him. I hear about others ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends wanting them 1 or 2 years later when they are in a better place and I feel that will never happen to me. I don't date alot and it's hard for me to meet people so this is just so heartbreaking to me. I won't vent to much. It's just that the pain got unbearable and I got the urge to contact him even though it would be useless cause he more then likely will not call me or email me back.

[Enn]

You've got through the worst time of year though - it's going to get easier from now on. I hope!

 

This morning I got another text from my ex, wishing me Happy New Year and 'hope this year's better.' I didn't reply to the one wishing me Merry Christmas and I'm not going to reply to this one either. What good will it do?

 

Part of me *still* desperately hopes he'll come to his 'senses' and realise he desperately wants me and is full of remorse for what he's done. But he's not going to is he? And these sorts of messages are just to make him feel better about himself. He was abusive all year, a year in which I lost my remaining parent, in the end he just drove off in the middle of an argument and two texts at Christmas (seven weeks later) just isn't good enough is it?

[Scottrn]

I just don't understand what was wrong with me that he couldn't love me even after I confessed my love to him.

 

Because he didn't tell you he loved you because you did doesn't equate with something being wrong with you. I'm SURE that you will meet other people that you will feel ofr, it just takes longer for some than others. I think that means you feel deeper, which at times like this seems like a curse, but if you keep your heart soft and open, heal properly and completely you will have grown so much through this! You will have a better idea of what you need in a partner and the relationship will be more fullfilling for you both. Stand on your own and like yourself before you go to another, the time table for you is different than others so don't get rushed by anyone!

(To borrow from a great guy!) Chin up!

You are beautiful and a one of a kind creation, made on purpose!! 8)

[Deeplydepressed]

I know this is slightly off topic, but I felt it very wasteful to start a new thread. So I am still doing NC and I still feel as pained as day one. I have tried to move on, but it is so hard. I have been on a few dates, but none that want to go back out once they find out I'm not sleeping with them( I just attract jerks). The more I date the more I miss what I had with my ex boyfriend. I've always had a hard time finding friends even and now I really have nobody that I can truly confide in. It sounds stupid but I miss little things like having someone to go with me to the art musuems, coffee shop or the jazz clubs because people my age aren't really that interested in that and if they are I haven't come accross those people. Well,the band that my ex boyfriend plays in is going to be performing this weekend at some club and I wanted to go because I was a fan of the music before I was a fan of his. I'm dying just to go out period. Do you think this is a bad idea? Will I hurt myself more?

[br0ken]

I'm currently in a somewhat similar situation ....

Not that big of a dater , not a gigantic bunch of friends as i like fewer but deeper connections with ppl.

As i was dumped about 1-1.5months ago i haven't gotten around to alot of stuff i would usually do with my girl....

but i think it's in fact quite healthy to try and do that stuff again , especially if you wanna go to that club because your a fan of the music .... it could be hard of course but i suppose it should be manageable... might try to stay somewhat out of immediate sight though ....

It's hard not having someone to go along but i suggest trying to do musea,coffee shops and jazz clubs on your own ... that way you're bound to run into like-minded ppl....?

 

Just my 2 cents of course , still searching myself

good luck!

[Deeplydepressed]

I wound up not going, but I did email my ex-boyfriend asking him when they were playing. I mean he did reply back to the email and he actually wrote that he was had just been thinking about me. I guess I feel like I could see him and I love him, but would never try to get him back for fear of being injured again by him.

[fantasia2004]

The man who goes alone can start today, but he who travels with another must wait until that other is ready.

--Henry David Thoreau

 

what a great quote!

[Deeplydepressed]

So he called me telling me he missed me and we hung out and stuff and that was fine and whatver, but then I went to one of his shows ans drank a little too much and went home with him and woke up to find myself with him. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Well, of course I still have feelings for this guy. I asked him why he took me home with him that night and he says cause he's attracted to me. I mean he dropped me off, there was nice long kiss and I, out of hurt, babbled out that I'd see him around cause I got what I wanted (totally not something I'd normally say). And he proceeded to say "No!" I'll be back in a month. I'll see you then( He's traveling musican). So what's this about. Please be gentle with me in your advice and words. I'm already real fragile.