Just wondering …...

[Tanzi]

… Do we always look back on our last love with a sense of sadness or melancholy, no matter how long ago it may have ended, until a new one enters our hearts or do we get to a place where there is no-one in our heart?

 

Do we always need to have SOMEONE in our heart, meaning we won't EVER be truly over an ex until someone else takes over that special place in our heart.

 

It has been a year now since my ex and I split up, though only six months since we last saw and spoke to each other. I don't know where I thought I would be by now. I'm not hurting but I am not completely healed yet either. It is hard to explain. Maybe it is better described as a feeling of missing SOMETHING as opposed to SOMEONE.

[Tinkie9901]

I don't know if it will remain like that until I "replace" that relationship, but I definitely relate to what you feel blue. Sorry I don't have an answer, but you aren't the only one who feels that way, and good to know I'm not going crazy

[muggle]

Well, in a way I guess it depends on YOU. You may find someone to love again or you may not. Maybe every now and then, little things will remind you of your ex and bring a smile to your face thinking that I am glad "we happened"

 

For me, it's not easy. I look back and man till this day, even remembering the good times makes me cry. For me, I have gotten to a place where there is no room for anyone else. He is irreplaceable. But, I haven't stopped living my life. I am trying to be happy...taking one day at a time. Learning. Changing for the better.

[Red Tie]

Hum... interesting topic.

 

I believe that the "emptyness" is filled when someone new enters our lifes. However, I believe the thing we miss the most is the companionship that person offered. That companionship is what make us feel more secure and happy when in a relationship. When that void is filled by someone and they leave, it was their spot in our hearts and we miss them. Then, another person comes along and fills that spot. After that person leaves again, its void again. And we miss them, the last one that was there. We miss the someone that filled the void last.

 

I make it sound very straightfoward and cold. Its not my intention, just trying to be objective.

[Tanzi]

I don't know if it will remain like that until I "replace" that relationship, but I definitely relate to what you feel blue. Sorry I don't have an answer, but you aren't the only one who feels that way, and good to know I'm not going crazy

 

No you're certainly not crazy Tink! I do think it's normal. I just wonder how long it goes on for!

[Tanzi]

For me, it's not easy. I look back and man till this day, even remembering the good times makes me cry. For me, I have gotten to a place where there is no room for anyone else. He is irreplaceable. But, I haven't stopped living my life. I am trying to be happy...taking one day at a time. Learning. Changing for the better.

 

I'm sorry you feel like that muggle. I can't seem to muster up the enthusiasm to even think about another relationship but maybe that is a good thing ... and you know what they say about least expecting it .....

 

Hum... interesting topic.

 

I believe that the "emptyness" is filled when someone new enters our lifes. However, I believe the thing we miss the most is the companionship that person offered. That companionship is what make us feel more secure and happy when in a relationship. When that void is filled by someone and they leave, it was their spot in our hearts and we miss them. Then, another person comes along and fills that spot. After that person leaves again, its void again. And we miss them, the last one that was there. We miss the someone that filled the void last.

 

I make it sound very straightfoward and cold. Its not my intention, just trying to be objective.

 

I actually agree with you. I am really not sure if I could honestly say I still love my ex. How can you love someone you no longer have any connection with? Therefore, when I am having a "down moment", I don't think it is my ex that I miss so much as it is being part of a happy couple and being able to do those coupley things.

[Kimcwell]

For me, it is the actual person I miss, not just having someone to fill the void of emptiness. He left a huge hole in my heart. I guess the hole could be filled with alcohol, random sex, another r/s (insert your vice here), as it has been in the past with breakups that really didn't matter, but in the light of day it's him and our future that's gone and nothing can replace that. I guess I have experienced true love.... a blessing and a curse.

[Brokenheart99]

I don't think you truly get over someone until you meet someone else you care about as much. I'm not saying you need someone else to complete you. But Thing is, if you are the type of person that wants a significant other and wants those happy in love feelings, then that "hole" will need to be filled with someone else. But I guess if you don't want a relationship, you can fill it with your vice of choice. Some people are perfectly fine and complete being single and that's great, but others crave/like companionship(not because they are incomplete without but just because man is a social animal). For those that want companionship, in my humble opinion love has to be replaced before you truly feel "complete" and truly happy again, at least in terms of companionship.

 

It's conflicting though at times, for me at least, because at times I want a companion I'll love again, but then again any commitment or anything over a day of getting to know someone and I feel done. I start backing out and just want space again. Like I've become asexual or something lol. Sometimes it feels like I can't connect with someone again or in some ways I've just become too content being single. Maybe that's a part of the healing journey though, I hope.

[Tanzi]

For me, it is the actual person I miss, not just having someone to fill the void of emptiness. He left a huge hole in my heart. I guess the hole could be filled with alcohol, random sex, another r/s (insert your vice here), as it has been in the past with breakups that really didn't matter, but in the light of day it's him and our future that's gone and nothing can replace that. I guess I have experienced true love.... a blessing and a curse.

 

I totally agree that this is what it is like in the beginning. I can't relate to my feelings at the moment, however. The balance of emotions definitely change over time. When we first split up my ex was my first thought when I woke up and my last thought at night. He would also pretty much occupy my thoughts throughout the day and, of course, it was accompanied with a horrible emptiness and sadness that was too painful to bear. The tears have now dried up, he isn't my first thought in the morning and he isn't my last thought at night. I still think of him at times during the day but it isn't accompanied with that same pain … I don't really understand these thoughts. My life has changed so much for the better since we split up and I am happy …. but I guess as if something is still yet to happen that will put me in a place where I should be at my time of life. It is difficult to relate these emotions to my ex because I don't feel as if I know him anymore. He isn't a part of my life and he doesn't control my happiness anymore even though he is still in my thoughts.

 

I don't think you truly get over someone until you meet someone else you care about as much. I'm not saying you need someone else to complete you. But Thing is, if you are the type of person that wants a significant other and wants those happy in love feelings, then that "hole" will need to be filled with someone else. But I guess if you don't want a relationship, you can fill it with your vice of choice. Some people are perfectly fine and complete being single and that's great, but others crave/like companionship(not because they are incomplete without but just because man is a social animal). For those that want companionship, in my humble opinion love has to be replaced before you truly feel "complete" and truly happy again, at least in terms of companionship.

 

It's conflicting though at times, for me at least, because at times I want a companion I'll love again, but then again any commitment or anything over a day of getting to know someone and I feel done. I start backing out and just want space again. Like I've become asexual or something lol. Sometimes it feels like I can't connect with someone again or in some ways I've just become too content being single. Maybe that's a part of the healing journey though, I hope.

 

I think is a very good way of putting it!