MY 1000 POST! What I've learned since the first...

[hockeyboy]

This is my 1000 post, wow.

 

Here is a quote from my very first post back in the beginning of August

 

 

 

Here is what one poster replied to me

 

 

 

 

God, I wish I had listend to people.

 

Since my first post I have made many many many mistakes which have hurt me and I have done things right which I hope will help me. Please learn from my mistakes.

 

My mistakes at the beginning

1. I called her way to much…I was pretty much obsessive about it

2. I showered her with gifts, although I had the best of intentions it just made it seem like I was trying to buy her

3. I let her get to me. I refused to go out, I didn't sleep, eat, or smile. I wish I had just forced myself to try harder.

4. I dug for information I didn't need to know. I tried to find everything out and in the long run I wish I just left it alone

 

Since the first post so much has happened. It's amazing at how much can happen in such a short period of time. I was in pain for a long time, which I know had to be done, but I did not have to be in as much pain for as long as I was. I could have helped that. But since the post I had moved on. I initiated no contact and I did not do it to try to win her back but rather to move on. See, I could not do no contact for the longest time (I tried) because I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was doing it at first as a tactic but finally I did it because I chose to. I was content on never talking to her again until one day she finally called. She called every day for a few weeks.

 

At first, I wasn't having any of it. However when I finally saw her for the first time we were getting along great and before I left she asked me to sit down. She looked me directly in the eyes and told me she was sorry. She cried, she put her face in my chest. At that moment I began to feel again. Over the next few weeks as we began to talk more and more and she gave me indications that we may get back together I began to think more about it. I realize I do love this woman and maybe, just maybe we do have a shot. Only time will tell that.

 

So, I have 1000 posts now. I believe more of those posts have been receiving help rather then giving them, however I hope that I've been abel to help some. I just hope that for those who are in the early stages of a breakup…I hope you don't be like me. I was stubborn and I did not listen to anybody. I know that's normal, but if you can help it, I really recommend you learn from others mistakes. The ironic part is people always said that once I moved on she would come back…I never believed it, but its turning out to be the case. I'm not saying we are going to get back together but the chances of it happening now are 1000 times greater then they were when I made my first post.

 

Ive come a long way and am much happier now. Despite some telling me that I'm not…I can tell you…and it is my life…that I fell in love, I was devastated, I healed, and I am falling in love again. Some have critizezed me saying I never healed, but I did heal and that is the only reason why I am in the situation I am in today. If I never healed, I would never have had a chance to get her back.

 

Remember…life goes on.

[Switch187]

Wow it's incredible to see such a turn of events. Actually every since I came here during my break up you have been giving lots of help Hockeyboy. And I do appreciate the help you give, not just to me but to other people. Sometimes I'll just read through a post and you will post something that I needed to read without me even asking. Also your information is very helpful since most of us guys are the same as you, very stuborn and not wanting to give up. I know I was at first, and after you and Iceman told me that I just needed to back off and stop talking to her I accepted what was going on and went on with life. Both of you also said that she would come back if I let her go, and sure enough she did come back and apolagize and now we are back together. Anyways, I just wanted to say congrats on your 1000 post, and thanks for the help.

[hockeyboy]

see you benefitted from my mistakes, which is exactly what i want.

 

i am convinced that if i had done those things people told me to, what i tell people to do right from the get go..we would have gotten back together and right now we'd be together. but i messed up and made alot of mistakes. so..now it is harder for us to get back together but im hoping that "its never to late." I have to put more into it and have more patience because i lacked them in the beginning.

 

so you listened..thats good, more then most of us can say and congrats on getting your ex back, i hope things continue to go well for you and i hope things work out for me too...maybe by my 2000 post..haha

[CarterJonas]

I think the best way people learn is from their OWN mistakes. The second best way to learn is from OTHER peoples mistakes (or experiences).

 

Anyway congratulations on so many posts

[hockeyboy]

it depends..i wish i had not made as many mistakes as i had made and listened to people more...but whats done is done so i dont really worry about it and just try to move forward. ironically, that attitude attracts the ex..i think.

[rich46]

Hockeyboy,

 

You have been a great help to me over the last few months...I really appreciate it. Our break ups happened at similar times and we have PM'd a lot since then, and we have kind of healed along side eachother.

 

As this was my first long term serious relationship, I too can say that I have learned so much since July. I honestly feel that I am so much stronger now, so much more independent, and so much more knowledgeable and I think my next relationship will benefit from this.

 

This whole year has been a nightmare to be honest, but I have realised that I have come through it and I have learnt some valuable lessons for the future, and you (along with so many others) have helped me so much.

 

I'm glad I found this place!

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[martyj]

guys reading this thread has helped me.

 

i am in day 6 of no contact with a girl i think alot of and want to be with agian. She has said you never know in the future but right now she doesnt want me.

 

i too have done some real stupid crazy things which looking back i see no other word for it then the word 'mental'. Fortunately she came to my house so, she really doenst think i am dangerous which i am not.

 

so celebrating a month today of sobriety as drink was a major factor in my decline.

 

I have read constantly on winning the one you want and getting them back and it all points to the things that you guys have done and that is what i am now doing.

 

I think guys always want to prove it was a mistake and they can ber the greatest parter but females tend to need alot more space then we do and they like to talk to their friends etc. But eventually if we back off then they can see the initial attraction that they felt for you as you seem independent and whole again.

 

I hope my new willingness to act as you guys has brings the same results eventually although it is hard sometimes i know the bigger picture will be more complete someday.

 

Peace

MJxx

[southpaw]

Hockeyboy,

I've also read most of your posts over the last few months. I'm trying to learn from your mistakes but I'm confident that I'll make more of my own. I have for the most part followed the four pieces of advice you were originally given at the beginning of this ordeal. It's now been about 3 and a half months and my ex-boyfriend wants to get together for lunch when I get back in town in January. Hopefully I won't act like an overeager puppy. I guess some motivation is that he'd want me back (that's my ego talking), but also, I don't like drawn out endings so I'd like to transition to something less dramatic sometime in the next few months. Anyway, I hope you get the girl...the right one.

 

By the way, that whole neck kiss/prettiest girl I've ever known exchange was HOT!

[Hurting in Manitoba]

Holy smokes batman, that is a lot of posts. What's your social life like?