Objectified with Sex- now trying to change

[goodorbad]

I just recently started dating this new guy "Mark." Mark and I are very practical, have similar life views, goals, so in theory there should be nothing to worry about. He even is introducing me to his parents at a black tie event this weekend- and we've only been dating 1 month. Although we are highly attracted to one another we haven't slept together because he doesn't want me to worry (which I had told him previously i would) and he said he didn't want to mess things up with me. In my logical thought process- those are the perfect answers but it scares me. My last few relationships haven't been healthy ones- the men I dated objectified me sexually and I learned to use it to my own advantage. I could use sex to make me wanted by them- make me desired, even loved eventually.

 

Now I'm worried because I don't know how to be in a relationship anymore without sex- because how does one open up to a person- to a guy who you could be really happy with when all you know how to do is use sex to be wanted... I realize how twisted this sounds but I really could use some advice about how to attempt and have a good relationship with Mark. Thanks and please keep advice/comments constructive

[Ms Darcy]

Don't obsess. Just take the dates one date at a time and have fun. Live in the moment. And when the date is done be done with it. Live your life. Focus on work. Hang out with friends. Don't make him your mental focus.

 

Good luck!

[pl3asehelp]

Therapy. Figure out why your self esteem was so low that you decided to date men who had no interest in you other than sex and why you felt it was ok to manipulate and control them. The underlying issue are still there and won't just disappear on their own. They'll surface in this relationship and ruin it.

[tmp110314]

Firstly, understand that you might have a good man on your hands. If he is that concerned about not wanting to mess things up with you, then, take that at face value. There are some of us that don't have sex so highly prioritized as to risk the possibility of finding a good woman to spend our lives with.

 

As far as yourself goes, Ms. Darcy and pl3asehelp have sound recommendations.

 

Just be yourself. Take things slowly and get to know this guy. Sex isn't anything but one component that makes relationships whole, BUT, in time. When you are with him, focus on establishing a friendship that will stand the test of time. Also focus on finding out what makes you two compatible and build on them.

 

When the time is right, sex can become part of the relationship. After you feel that the both of you have been building a bond with each other, that could be the right time to take it to the next level. Use your intuition.

 

Relax some and enjoy developing a meaningful relationship.

[blueidealist24]

Think about what you have to offer other than sex (desirable personality traits, fun hobbies, career goals..). Make a list if you have to.

[tmp110314]

This too ^^^ Well said.

[Lonewing]

A relationship without sex is just friendship, something platonic...

 

My last few relationships haven't been healthy ones- the men I dated objectified me sexually and I learned to use it to my own advantage. I could use sex to make me wanted by them- make me desired, even loved eventually. Now I'm worried because I don't know how to be in a relationship anymore without sex- because how does one open up to a person- to a guy who you could be really happy with when all you know how to do is use sex to be wanted

 

I would never expect or even want to be in a relationship without sex. I have that right now with just myself! So that being said, it's high time you learned how to have sex to have sex. Surely it's as good for you as it is for who ever you're doing it with!! Don't use sex as a currency, but enjoy it as an activity.