confusedgirl88 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hi guys, I've been reading lots and I have no one else to get advice from... I'll try to keep it short, so here goes He broke up with me a week before Valentine's Day. We had plans for that day already and he even made a reservation a month beforehand. He said he doesn't love me romantically anymore, he loves me as a best friend. We had been together for over a year, and just hours before this happened, he told me how much he loved me and we talked about our plans for the future. I asked him about this when he broke up with me. He said he's been trying to convince himself that he loves me for a while now, and that he's been pretending recently. I just find it very hard to believe that everything he said and did for me in the last few weeks were all just an act. He said he wanted to make sure we had a perfect Valentine's Day so we have one final good memory (however we broke up before we even got to that). We ended on a good note, no fighting (there was crying on both ends). He said we need space for now and we should try to be really good friends after a month or two. He said he would contact me when he's ready to be friends. So I did a week of no contact, and I was feeling very good about myself. I went to the gym everyday and saw my friends, and improved my self esteem by quite a bit. Out of no where, he sends me a message on Facebook wishing me a happy valentine's day. I wasn't sure what to think of it, so I didn't respond for a couple days. Last night, I called him because I felt rude for not responding. I know I should've stuck to the no contact. We talked for a few hours. He said that he cares about me deeply, that he loves me as a person, but he can't be in a relationship right now. He said he doesn't like who he is right now, and that he can't love anyone until he can love himself. He said this led to his lost feelings for me. I told him I understand that and that I really hope we would be together again once we both grow a bit. He explicitly told me that he's not interested in dating anyone for a while. Today, I just found out that he's been looking up his ex, on Facebook. They dated for a couple months, and she cheated on him. They were close friends, and he was in love with her all through high school. When we started dating, he never liked any of his ex's posts or pictures. Today, he liked her new profile picture and status, and looked her up several times during the day. Is this just his way of trying to keep busy? Trying to replace the void I left? What I'm confused about is he specifically told me he doesn't want to be involved with anyone right now, that he just needs to focus on himself, yet he goes back to his ex...? Obviously I don't know if they are even hanging out, but it just breaks my heart to see that right after we broke up he would reconcile with his ex. He told me that a part of him hopes that we can be together again when he finds who he is... I love him very much, and I want to do everything I can to get him back. I'm starting no contact again, but I would just like to know if it's time for me to let go and what he's thinking. Link to comment
breno Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I have been through this situation with my ex boyfriend. He did the same thing a few weeks before Christmas except we'd been together for four years. He did the whole he still loved me but not in that way, he just needed time to figure out who he was, and hoped he'd come back to me one day but it wouldn't be any time soon. A cry fest took place. The next day he texted me what's up. We talked that night a few hours, I said I hoped we could get back together and that I'd wait, he told me not to wait that if we did get back together it wouldn't be soon. We went on like that for a while and it devastated me. And I truly believe today that all the hurt I was feeling from my ex ended up ruining my relationship with my current boyfriend, because of the way I treated him in the beginning. I say, stop stalking his Facebook and move on. I did that and now my ex and I are on friendly terms. Best thing for you. Don't hold out hope, mine never came back but I'm glad because he found himself. Link to comment
Twidom Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 When people say "I need to be alone and do my own thing" usually it means there is someone else in the picture... "A part of him hopes that we can be together again when he finds who he is" He's basically saying "You're my plan B in case it doesn't work with someone else" Don't settle for less. He played and is still playing with you. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 When people say "I need to be alone and do my own thing" usually it means there is someone else in the picture... "A part of him hopes that we can be together again when he finds who he is" He's basically saying "You're my plan B in case it doesn't work with someone else" Don't settle for less. He played and is still playing with you. ^This. I'm so sorry. Please do yourself a favor and cut the contact with him so you can start to heal from this and find someone you can be happy with! That means online and off -- as long as you continue to keep checking his Facebook, you're not giving yourself the space to heal and you'll keep finding new painful information. Here's a guide that will help you: link removed Link to comment
lonely92 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 We can't necessarily make assumptions... You did not state your age but many "boys" just need time to sort themselves out. I would suggest no more contact. Live life for yourself and remember to have positive thoughts on the situation. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better. Link to comment
Twidom Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 We can't necessarily make assumptions... You did not state your age but many "boys" just need time to sort themselves out. I would suggest no more contact. Live life for yourself and remember to have positive thoughts on the situation. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better. "Sort" themselves out means seeing his friends having sex with many chicks and getting jealous. There is not "sorting out" here. He wants to be single and fool around. When you LOVE someone nothing stops you. You don't need to "sort out" anything. It's simple as that. Link to comment
lonely92 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Disagree, sometimes boys need time to do their own thing. I've known several couples who have got back together just because one party needed to work on themselves. Like I said, live life for yourself, the rest will fall in place. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.