boyfriend problems or is it just me

[eblue]

My boyfriend and I use to be friends for a year before dating. He had a crush on me from the moment he met me and vice versa. Then we began dating and we seemed unseparateable for the next three months. That next month was christmas and I had to go home for the holidays. The only way we had contact was american online instant messenger. He practically lived on that thing and most of our convos during that season were the most wonderful. He was sharing things and telling me I was wonderful, beautiful, how much he missed me, and more how he loved me. I came back and that month was the just like old times. Wonderful. I practically lived with him after that. We slept in the same bed and shared everything.

 

Five months later his behavior starts to change. He stopped listening to me. We use to have this relationship where we could talk to each other. He stopped talking and when i would talk he stopped listening. It was little things like this that spawned more and more things. He would turn down to do anything with me to play things on his computer. This wasn't too much of a bother too me, but then our sex lives took a big dive. He would just lose interest. We weren't having any kind of sexual activity as much as we use to. It use to be almost every night. Then it lowered to once a week, once every two weeks. Now its like once every four-five weeks. I use to think it was because he got use to me. He wanted a break and to give him space. Now this has been lasting for three months.

 

I am trying my best to let it not bother me. Now that it is summer I have my own apartment near by where he lives. I am very lonely up here and all my friends are gone. He is the only person I know here, so I do wish he was over more than he does. Whenever he does come over though..it would be for an hour and he doesn't seem happy to even be here. So, I made an agreement with him for him only to visit once a week, so he wouldn't feel obligated, but this is just making things worse for me. I am sinking slowly back into depression thinking horrible thoughts and crying in bed alone every night.

 

He doesn't talk to me anymore and when I do talk he doesn't listen or respond. We don't make love anymore. He doesn't say I love you anymore. Now from what I am making him seem like a jerk, but he is sweet to me whenever he is around most of the time, but he is just really quiet now. However, he isn't the same guy as he use to be. I just keep thinking I am not going to get that old boyfriend back and our relationship is going to go no where. I know he isn't cheating. I am positive of that, but the one thing in my mind is..he has falling out of love with me and has lost interest.

 

Is there a way to find out if this is true? I also keep wondering if i should break up with him...why stay with someone that doesn't want to be with me..or doesn't give me the impression that he does. Is there anything I could possibly say to knock some sense into him? suggestions please...And don't just suggest talking to him. If you are going to, atleast give me how to talk to him..because remember, he doesn't exactly listen too well.

[eblue]

someone please reply. I see tons of viewing of this..why not reply with anything...please

[angelic_spirit825]

Hi,

I've only just joined and have noticed too that this message is getting alot of viewing and no replies and so i will try to formulate a reply the best i can!

i know you said not to say this but....... talk to him girl!! there is absolutely no point in trying to second guess how a guy feels believe me i've tryed and it doesn't work! you'll come up with many theories for his apparent lack of interest in you and most of them knowing the thought processes i go through will end up with the fact that he doesn't love you anymore. and this simply may not be true - you say you're spending less time together right try this - something may have happened recently during the time that you've not seen him that may have knocked him for 6 - to do with his friends or relatives or something - try and get talking to him openly and steer him onto the topic that you feel you are drifting apart a little and you have a feeling that it may be because something is bothering him. There is normally a reason for a guy's silence but not always and if there is don't automatically fear the worst, ok - you have to try and de-stress over this so you don't imagine scenarios that aren't happening. Another idea - all relationships are normally fantastic at the beginning with the new and exciting things you discover about each other, then theres a stage when you are just happy to be with each other and everything seems right with the world, yeah, but that stage ends unless you do things to keep the fire alight so to speak - it is true he may be getting a little bored and 'too comfortable' and may feel that the relationship is just bobbing along on a current with nothing unexpected anymore, so - surprise him! i'm not talking corny gifts here - i mean invite him over for a candlelit dinner or depending on how much you truly like each others company try a romantic weekend getaway to put the sparkle back in your eyes like a new relationship all over again apart from it has a firm foundation! above all it is important to not start thinking you have to change for him ok, be yourself, talk to him or surprise him or both! enjoy! good luck! and let me know how you get on! luv angelic_spirit

[fullforce_bsb]

When I was reading your message I couldn't believe what I was reading. I kind of wanted to laugh in a "I'm sorry" way because I am going through the same exact thing with my girlfriend. I don't know exactly what to tell you because I need the help to. I just can't believe he's treating you like this. Guys are people that don't like to talk and doing things with their partner doesn't matter if it does or doesn't happen. I'm not like that. I know how it feels to not hear I love you when you want to hear it. I hate quitness myself. I'm a person that when I'm with someone I'm there until the end and I won't give up. I'm quite sure how you are though. I'd love to have a girl that loves me to no end and wants nothing else to do but life her life with me.

I guess maybe you can tell him that there is something very important you need to talk to him about. Let him know that you are very concerned about yourself, him, and the two of you together. And just tell him how you feel about things changing with the two of you. Don't say "with him" alone because then he will get angry. Just ask him where he want your future to go together. And just let him know that you cry and miss him so much. I hope I said something that could help you. Nothing works for myself in my situation.

[geni4]

HI. I know it sounds corny but I do feel for you. I am in a similar situation and you know, It has taken me about 5 years to figure this out but it is a total waste of time trying to "get" anyone to feel something for you, regardless of the reason for their change in feelings. Besides, do you really want him to feel something for you just because you want him to or because he wants to. You sound like a very sweet person and you deserve some so much more receptive to you. You are beautiful and there are probably tons of people out there longing for someone just like you. Don't waste your time and those around you who can live to the potential. It is much easier said and done, but just have patience and you will realize the same. Kinda force yourself to read and re-read stuff on the net about "when it is time for breaking up, divorce, or anything on the net that talks about that type of stuff." I am not married to my bf, but keyword "divorce" got me so much valuable information. The key is to Live so you avoid regret later...don't waste your precious time depriving others of precious you. Good luck