Giving up is underrated.

[corvidae]

I wonder you know, why it is that I want a relationship so much. I've never really had a girlfriend and I'm 25, which isn't old but it's old enough that I can't use youth as an excuse. I have spent many years being sad and depressed about this. I went through school and University spending a lot of time being miserable about it. I have tried to change the situation, I have asked people out, but to no avail. I have issues: I am very shy for example, and, while being very confident about other aspects of myself, I have very little confidence in my physical appearance. According to a lot of people (including a random fat man I passed in the street once) I look like someone called 'Dean Cain' but am not sure if that's good or bad. I'm a nice guy, but then I've read that can be a 'bad thing'. In short, I don't WHY I can't get a girl. I don't if I'm good or bad. I just don't know. But I've spent a lot of time worrying about it. I get depressed sometimes, that girls never show interest in me. I get lonely a lot. I feel empty. But should I? What happens if we just give up? What happens if we just don't care anymore? What if we just say 'screw the things I'm supposed to want, I'll want what I like'? If I hadn't spent all that time worrying and being depressed I would have been just as alone, but not worried and not depressed. I think I'm going to try to spend less time wanting and more time trying to be content in the moment.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

I dun see the point why u got to be so depressed abt having a gf and dun have. Anyway, if u do notice, some of the guys here seem to always have a problem with their ex, or their gfs do not have enough time for them.

I have not much any idea what kind of gal does suits u, and claim that u are a nice guy isnt a very much a GOOD move, and that is true. I hate self proclaimed NICE GUYS, coz i dun see they are much a good catch in any ways more than that. Well, guys are guys to me anyway.

But i have something to encourage thou, if u are that nice, i believe u wont have a prob in catching a good fish in the sea, u got to be patient and know what kind of gals u want, and that u have to work it out in ur brains. Hmmz and for worrying, u have to think whether it is that 'peer pressure' thingie.

Anyway University guys doesnt mean they are NICE NERDY GUYS! (playboy? maybe! )

 

Thanks for reading..

[Prosper]

Oppz..

If people want to make assumptions about me without spending any effort to get to know me, well that is rather judgemental, and is a fault with their personality not mine. Sometimes we spend so much time looking at what we do wrong, or what we could change, that we forget that the people we deal with have character faults and flaws too, and that perhaps we are doing our best but they are not.

 

i hope u keep that in mind! have i make u confident enough?

[lady00]

Dean Cain is an actor...he's cute...so take it as a compliment! As to your question...I think the only thing to do in a situation like that is to not think about it. Think about the other things in your life you enjoy and are interested in like work, friends, hobbies. Relationships come when you least expect them and when you're not really trying to look for them. By developing your interests and by making new friends, you will be able to overcome your shyness and start to meet women that might be compatible with you. So, throw yourself into the things you love and get excited about them...enthusiasm and talent are very attractive...and most importantly you'll be having fun.

 

I used to be a very shy person and I used to get upset that guys didn't show interest in me. Eventually, I came out of my shell and started to become a little more social and outgoing and less afraid of new people...and things changed. There's nothing wrong with you or your looks, you just need to overcome your shyness and try not to stress so much. Work on these two things and I'm sure you'll have better luck. Hope this helped.

[Double J]

lady00 is right. The more you think about wanting a girlfriend - the more it conquers your mind - the more depressed you'll get. Work on yourself to become the best person you can be, and the girl will come when you're not looking. Life is strange that way.

[Caldus]

Take it easy corvidae. Yes, some advice here sounds cliche but too true. I'm sure a lot of girls think that that actor looks cute so chances are you will look cute to them too. I mean c'mon the guy is an actor! At least some girls will think he's cute. So take it easy and don't let this matter prevent you from enjoying the rest of your life. I'm not saying to completely destroy it from your mind but it sounds like you are extremely worried to the point where you are becoming very disappointed.

 

P.S. is disappointed spelled like that? I never figured that out for some reason.

[ShySoul]

Dude, Dean Cain played Clark Kent a few years ago in "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman." I think being compared to Superman is a pretty nice compliment.

 

The reason you get depressed is because its human nature to want companionship. Everyone wants somebody special that they can be with. People want someone who will be there for them when they are down and who they can share happy moments with. We want someone who will understand us, who we share a special bond with. When you see everyone else having this you begin to question why you can't have it too. You know you are not a bad guy, so what's the problem? Really, there is no problem. It will happen when it is suppose to happen. Just have patience and believe in yourself. Eventually you'll meet someone who will be perfect for you and the waiting and lonliness will be a distant memory.

 

I think you need to find a balance. Don't necessarily give up but don't be so worried about finding love. You can still dream and wish you were with a girl, but don't let the desire consume you until you're depressed. Focus on doing the things you like to do. Get your own life in order first. And continue to be a nice guy. Girls will eventually wake up and see that in you. They will know that as a nice guy you will treat them right. This will make you more appealing to girls, at least the ones I think you'd be interested in.

[Caldus]

I think you need to find a balance. Don't necessarily give up but don't be so worried about finding love. You can still dream and wish you were with a girl, but don't let the desire consume you until you're depressed.

 

Ooooo that was real nice! I liked that. Very good advice right there.

[paulo ribeiro]

I get depressed sometimes, that girls never show interest in me. I get lonely a lot. I feel empty. But should I? What happens if we just give up? What happens if we just don't care anymore?

 

I can truly sympathize with you... I am a lot like you but I've had my first girlfriend when I was 18. And you want to know what I was doing when I met her? I was tired of worrying of not having a girlfriend so I had given up wishing for one. I said to myself that I wasn't going to give a damn about girls until they cared about me.

 

So cheer up, there's nothing wrong with you except for the fact that maybe you worry too much!

[randy]

don't worry about it. Hey dean cain is a good actor. I know a lot of girls find him very attractive/cute.

[PrincessLinzay]

link removed

 

I posted a link to a website with pics of Dean Cain. He played Superman on the TV show. He's also the host of Ripleys Believe it Or Not. He's attractive so there's no reason to be self conscious about that compliment!

 

Do you go out? That's a big thing. If you're shy I know it's hard to meet people (or the right people for that matter)

[corvidae]

Oh right THAT'S Dean Cain? I used to watch Superman when I was a kid but I never knew the actors names. Well I guess that's OK. He looks a bit like John Leguizamo in those pics in the link. Or maybe not. Anyway, it's very nice of people to post lots of enouraging things here... I don't know. I probably complain too much. I don't know anymore. Do I want things because I want them? Or because other people tell me to want them or because I see other people with these things? There's just so much to THINK about isn't there?