Fearful of making new friends

[jenclarinet]

Hey everyone. I have an interesting problem. I have a mental block to making new friends with people I like, as in pursuing friendships with people who I find interesting or people who I admire. The fear lies in fear of rejection, but also in a strange fear that people will think I am a lesbian if I attempt to pursue a friendship.

 

I think it all started in middle school when I had a girl-crush on this girl who I really admired. I was terrified that everyone would find out and that they would think I was gay. I don't consider myself gay, but my intense fear of people thinkig I am has led me to think that everytime I like or admire another girl more than others I am in danger of them suspecting I am gay. Then the walls go up and I can't relate to them normally. I feel like if I say Hi or make an effort to talk to them that I am showing too much interest in them.

 

It becomes so frustrating because I block myself from developing intimate friendships for fear of becoming too close. Recently I have gotten to know several people who have many of the same interests as me and who I genuinely care about. But I'm having this problem where I just can't bring myself to act warmly towards them. I find I can only develop natural friendships with people I dont' care about as much which only leads to frustration and half developed friendships.

 

Does anyone have a similar problem? Can anyone offer advice?

[xmrth]

I always feel like other girls will think I'm a lesbian if I try to become friends with them, too.

It's not a big deal though, even if you were. It's hard to explain, but I try to tell myself that. It's kind of like, if you think someone is a lesbian, would you think any less of them or stray away? If not then try not to worry. That's what I think but it's harder to get into the head this message..

 

I don't have any advice for you other than that though because I am having troubles making friends as well. But I wanted to let you know I feel the same way! You're not alone.

[Desired1]

Try not to think about it. Remember everybody has their own personal fear. Some people just display theirs more than others. If you are a lesbian then people will just have to except you for who you are. If you are not, then why are you worrying. That is part of who you are and no one should be able to dictate whether you are "normal"(or however you want to phrase it) because of your sexual orientation. Whoever you are that is you. Don't be afraid to express yourself. That is part of your personality. If people can't except that then they can.....(well-you know)

Hope I helped