Feeling Lonely All The Time

[jackofall]

I used to have this problem, then dated someone after I'd gotten over it and things didn't work out and it just reminds me way too much of that time and I feel like I've 'relapsed' if you will. I'm in my 30s and the last few stragglers in my social circle who hadn't paired up with someone have now done so, and I'm pretty much the only one left. Everyone has their own lives and routines and I don't. It's nobody's fault, but my friends almost never go out to a bar or out to eat anymore. Even when it does happen I don't get too excited anyways. I look forward to it but then I just mope about the fact that I probably won't see them again for weeks or months.

 

I feel like I have no social circle anymore, just a list of people that make brief cameos in my life and then fall back into obscurity. Most days after work I just sleep, and I keep odd hours as a result. I'll go days without so much as a text message from someone and it really weights on me. I feel incredibly isolated, and yesterday (Sundays are the worst days) I went over to my parents' house to watch TV with them for a few hours at night because I literally had nothing else to do. Nothing against my parents because I enjoy their company but if I wasn't lucky enough to have close parents I honestly would've had to pester someone to hang out or else just sit at home by myself. There are days where, not counting work, I won't talk to anyone except a cashier I interacted with at some point. These days are many and often in succession too.

 

I never had a problem dating up until the last couple of years and was only single briefly in my 20's. I don't get out much because I rarely have "plans" anymore, and after some horrible online dating episodes I'm not sure what else to do. It's like I'm just kind of floating with no direction or purpose.

 

ADDENDUM: I do play sports once or twice a week so there's that but I just don't have the discipline to go to a gym (that was always the case before and after all this)

[sunday2010]

I just wanted to say coz your post made me feel sad and I faced a similar situation myself in my thirties.Things will work out I promise you you will meet somebody and things will get better.Just wanted to say that to you .Its not much help but I understand what you're going through....... all the best

[duke nukem]

Are you depressed? It sounds like you could be, at least mildly.

[jackofall]

Are you depressed? It sounds like you could be, at least mildly.

 

Well yeah I definitely think so. I am seeing someone, though I'm not sure how effective it is. I hear it's a slow process though, which doesn't make my wallet happy but oh well lol. If I stopped doing it I'd feel like I wasn't doing everything possible to rectify the situation.

[jackofall]

I just wanted to say coz your post made me feel sad and I faced a similar situation myself in my thirties.Things will work out I promise you you will meet somebody and things will get better.Just wanted to say that to you .Its not much help but I understand what you're going through....... all the best

 

Thank you. I'm really not anti-social at all and like I said I didn't have a problem dating until I just stopped "getting out there" nearly as much. I just hope you're right. Another problem I face is that I'm a very logical person and that part of me knows that sometimes things DON'T work out and there simply are a lot of guys out there in their 40s with no one, which scares me.

[Realitynut]

lol......how about pushing SIXTY and having no one....and no one in sight! You said you were seeing someone...so isn't that 'dating'?? Have a talk with that person and say you want to start seeing each other regularly.....and see what she says! I said i HATED dating in my 20's and it REALLY SUCKED in my 50's. So i've given up for now. Got married for the first time at 32. My sis got married for the first time at 47....and i have a cousin who never even DATED AT ALL til he met his future wife at 40....so there is HOPE!

[jackofall]

lol......how about pushing SIXTY and having no one....and no one in sight! You said you were seeing someone...so isn't that 'dating'?? Have a talk with that person and say you want to start seeing each other regularly.....and see what she says! I said i HATED dating in my 20's and it REALLY SUCKED in my 50's. So i've given up for now. Got married for the first time at 32. My sis got married for the first time at 47....and i have a cousin who never even DATED AT ALL til he met his future wife at 40....so there is HOPE!

 

I WAS dating someone and they (very abruptly) pulled the plug when I thought things were going just fine. It was not a long relationship but it just reminded me of how large these gaps are between interaction with actual people.

[GirlFriday26]

I know this seems a hackneyed response, but trying to get out again would really help. If you have hobbies that you can do with others maybe it would be worth joining some clubs to meet like minded people or trying to socialise more? I know that is easier said than done but it's worth a shot. Otherwise, if you do feel depressed or suspect you may have mild depression then definitely try to talk that through with someone. In order to form healthy relationships you need to feel healthy, happy and confident yourself. Have faith and try to get on with the business of living life and cultivating a healthy friendship circle. Good luck!

[Guitarguy_82]

Hi jackofall, Just wanted to chime in and let you know you're not alone.

 

I feel like I'm in pretty much the same boat.

 

I'm early 30's, and most of my "friends" are basically couples who are married or seriously dating and have, as you said, basically become cameo appearances in my life. Two of my best friends moved away and the ones left here are paired up and doing their own thing. Living their lives. I'm stuck here 'alone'.

 

I've seriously considered posting an add on CL for just friends...but that is a really mixed bag.

 

Hope things change for you.