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Urgent advice needed


Chocoholic12

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Hello

I have been seeing my partner for 2 years now. He proposed to me 6months ago I initially said yes and was happy. However my family were completely against the idea saying he wasn't good enough for me. I then went ahead and declined cancelling the engagement. This was a difficult time for me and my partner but we managed to get through it. However it was difficult when anything involved my family. My partner often said he felt uncomfortable around them and often had excuses to avoid events. He cancelled a meal with my parents half hour before we were meant to be there.I kept pushing for him to see them and he did go for a few drinks with them the weekend before Xmas. He was polite and spoke to them but was often on his mobile etc. however Christmas Day was a disaster. I was spending Xmas with my family and he with his however we said we would meet up after our meal to spend time with both sides of the family. I got to his sisters for 6pm he felt this was hurtful as Xmas was all about the children (his nephews etc) and their Xmas was over by then. We then after spending half hour at his sisters came to my folks house. We argued before going in and then he didn't speak to anyone saying he was hurt. He stormed out the house after an hour. We now are both hurt n both lost with what to do. I love him and I believe he loves me too. I dunno whether to give up or try to figure something out

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So your family said that he is not good enough for you and you promptly broke off the engagement. How exactly do you want him to feel around your family? In short, you don't think for yourself, but rather let your family dictate your life. Then you and him do not communicate well and utterly failed to communicate during Christmas in terms of times and expectations which lead to the fight.

 

If you want for a relationship to succeed, you need to learn how to think for yourself and stand by your decisions, you need to learn how to communicate better with your partner and stop pushing your family on him for some time. They hate his guts and he is rightfully offended by them. This is not something a person can get past overnight. Have your parents even apologized to him in any way or attempted to make peace?

 

I guess ultimately what it all boils down to is what do you really want? Is he the one for you or is your family right? And speaking of communication, do you know where he stands with you at this point? Does he still want to marry you or is he pretty much done with you and yours?

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This isn't about what your family wants it should be about what you want. Do you want to be with your boyfriend or not? Do you see a future with him? Your family have made it clear that in their eyes he's not good enough, how do you think that makes your boyfriend feel? You need to work out what you want and then stand by that decision, even if it means having to stand up to your family.

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