Girlfriend acts heartless after getting back together

[Anonymous22]

To start things off I will briefly introduce our relationship before getting back together.

When we first got together on July 11th my girlfriend and I did find love with each other. Clearly I was the one trying to get her since my first year of college, and now I am on my 3rd year. Yes, I really tried for this girl for so many years and constantly told her how I felt. She rejected me plenty of times in the past because she didn't want a relationship. Reason was because her ex had cheated on her and she grew anger towards males. She is an outgoing girl, parties, makes friends and what not. Throughout the whole time of me wanting to get with her she left me hanging on days we were suppose to hang out, she sent me mixed signals, and talked to me again months later after rejecting me.

 

When we started talking we set boundaries on one another, she told me to stop smoking, and I told her to stop clubbing. I stopped talking to other girls, and she stopped talking to other guys. Although we did let ourselves have friends, and if she wanted to go out to club she would let me know ahead of time, and yes I let her go out. She told me she had a great time she danced with guys and what not. I didn't really get bugged because we weren't together at the time. Although things got out of hand. She has this "Guy friend" who she goes out on 1 on 1 dates to eat. I didn't notice this till later on. I questioned her about it and she had told me that he knows She's talking to me. It still bugged me though because this guy gave her flowers, bought her food, and did things out of the ordinary. I told her, that wasn't normal of a guy friend to do. Clearly guys who want something with a girl will do sweet things for her. She told me awhile back that she thinks this guy likes her. I don't know if it was out to get me jealous or out of comfort. But, I have been having my insecurities since then about her going out clubbing and hanging out with guys. We got into arguments after and she just started to cut communications. I felt hurt and deceived. we were talking for about 3 months towards the end of the month I asked her what she wanted. She clearly said she didn't want anything at the moment, and if we could be friends and I rejected her request, and respected her decision. In addition, she went clubbing behind my back.

 

Towards this time of our relationship I ignored her for a month. We had the same class, but kept focusing on my studies. towards the second week she sent me a text message saying she was sorry and that she didn't mean what she had said. I ignored it and kept going on my business because I was angry that it wasn't the first time she had done that. 2 more weeks had passed and I decided to give the situation my attention and asked her what she wanted. She told me that she didn't mean what she said and that she does have feelings for me. I set my grown and told her that I wasn't happy of what she has done, in that case I did have feelings for her but made her prove things to me to know it's real. So she did, and so we officially got together on the 11th. We spend time together for the remainder of the semester which was 3 weeks. After that semester ended we didn't see each other for 2 weeks. I questioned her about this and told her I really wanted to see her, she acted blunt and told me she was busy. The arguments escalated again towards this point. On the 3rd week week we traded words of hurt. Till she ignored me for 3 days while after all the arguments I took the blame for it all. She still ignore me. On the 3rd day she went out clubbing again. I was torn, School then started again and I saw her walk by my sight. I dragged her to the side and talked to her and asked her why was she acting like that, if she still wanted to be with me? She nodded her head saying no, but then through words she said she didn't know because she wanted to concentrate in school. We still were kissing even after she broke up with me right there and then she then told me to give her 2 weeks alone for her to think of it. 2 weeks passed and I messaged her to see her in person. We talked and I felt torn at the moment and saw signs that she didn't want to continue anymore. She had her attention somewhere else. Texting and smiling, it was the most happiest I saw her. I then got the message that she was happy alone. So I didn't question her about it, rather saying to take care of herself and continue with a kiss on the cheek and walked away. Towards the way home, she texted me saying I was the most sweetest guy she has meet and that she was sorry for acting so blunt with me. She started to give me reason. I ignored and start weeping my way home.

 

3 months has passed since we last broken up, I was devastated and started doing bad in school, till I randomly get a message from a number I recognized which it was her. She was asking if she could talk to me. I ignored the message. Next day she sent me another text asking if she can please talk to me, I then replied and ask what she wanted. She told me she wanted to talk to me because she wanted to fix things. I was filled with anger, but controlled my anger and ignored it for a whole week. Friday came along she was pleading to talk to me, I had told her I had already had plans for that day maybe next time. She kept pleading and pleading. The next day on saturday she randomly showed up to my place, and I was shocked. I went out to talked to her, and she confessed that throughout the whole 3 months she started to realize everything that she had messed up and it was her fault and she still had feelings for me, she took words out of my mouth of when she was admitting her wrongs. I felt relieved that she finally realized her mistakes, but had anger inside of me. I had my attention somewhere else till she started physically touching me and hugging me and kissing me. I felt like a doll, with no emotions. But I did find my feelings. I told her I would think about it. a week passed and told her I would give her another change she just has to prove it to me, but this time I'm not going to be easy on her. She was happy, and so she promised she would prove it to me.

 

We got back together on November the 3rd. The first month was great we mutually loved each other and what not. We hanged out throughout the school year, but it's the time where we go into vacation. I know it's the holidays and all and she may be busy, but it's been nearly a whole week that we haven't seen each other. I told her that I don't like that we haven't seen each other and that it's killing me inside. From the past, I developed anger towards her, so then when we argue now I fell like I'm more aggressive towards her and actually hurt her. This time I held back and told her i wasn't feeling well. I honestly been feeling lonely these past weeks. She tells me she will make up for it. but it just feels like I been having so many insecurities because of the past actions she had done to me, Going out on dates with a guy when we talked, went out clubbing behind my back etc. I trust her, yes, but the past just effected me really bad.

 

What do you guys suggest I do?

[Ms Darcy]

I think you really need to deal with your anger, aggression, and insecurities. You should really consider getting help for that or else this reconciliation won't last.

[uniqueme]

Agreed....

[sharky988]

I agree as well.

 

I can understand how you'd feel insecure given that she's already broken up with you once..... but really -- you don't see her for a week and it's *killing you inside* -- ??

 

You need to get a grip and dial down those emotions, that's really over-reacting. It's the HOLIDAYS. People are busy, she's got relatives and friends making demands on her time right now, right? In a few days, the holidays will be OVER and then you can see how much time she makes for you.

 

If you're not willing to give her a second chance then you shouldn't be with her.

 

Really, what are you risking by giving her the benefit of the doubt at this point?