Jess7910 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 If you see my last 2 threads you'll see what led up to this. Broke up 2 weeks ago, he called me on day 7 on NC, my dumba$$ wanted him to come back home and we had sex, he stayed the night, he said he knew he loved and and wanted to be with me, now the next day he tells me were single and he wants to work on his self, and yes he wants to be with me but wants to take things slow. I ask him what taking things slows means to him and what that entails, and why do we have to be single to work on our relationship? It wasnt what I wanted to hear and wasnt making the most sense to me. Since the day after we had sex, my emtions have been out of control. I was doing great on NC, feeling accomplished and good about things...WHY DID I PICK UP THAT PHONE CALL?? Now he is still answering the phone and my texts, just everytime he is telling me to relax and and chill out and JUST RELAX is all he keeps saying. Im bombarding him with my emotions and I feel like im making it worse and pushing him away by not chilling out when hes asking me to, but i feel like if he wants to be with me and knows he loves me, then why are we single? is he just trying to string me along or does he really just need space to figure this stuff out, and Im not giving it to him so therefore its not going to work out anyway?? What should I do?!?! And is it to late now to go back NC and reap the benefits? I know I CAN let go I just dont want to! I love him and this is so hard I dont know what to do this is effecting my whole life, im journaling im excersizing im talking to my family and friends PLEASE HELP ME!!! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 It's ok - don't beat yourself up so much! I do believe you need clarity in your life, and you're just not getting it right now, hence everything is so confusing. It's never too late to go NC. Only next time, when he calls...No Sex! Link to comment
Jess7910 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 It's ok - don't beat yourself up so much! I do believe you need clarity in your life, and you're just not getting it right now, hence everything is so confusing. It's never too late to go NC. Only next time, when he calls...No Sex! Thank you, how do I get this clarity? The thing that is killing me is I know what to do, logically it all makes sense, cutting him off doing what I need to do and moving on w my life. The issue is it is so hard and I'm being forced to do this I want him back and want to be back together! I feel like if I would have stayed NC the tables would have turned much more in my favor being as though I didn't follow thru on this I pushed him away even more and is this irreversible?? Why can't I just move on? Am I in denial? Link to comment
Twidom Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 It's not your fault. Don't be so harsh on yourself! We all have our weak moments. Just be sure not to give in next time Link to comment
Jess7910 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Even after I just typed that, I almost text him and said I'm sorry for pushing you away even more by being like this! I erases it and didn't send thank god but wth is wrong w me?? Link to comment
Lonewing Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Emotional attachment. It's the double edged sword that builds us up when we're in the right relationship and tears us down when we're in the wrong relationship...if that makes sense. Losing him is a source of distress, having him is a sense of relief, not having him but having him is a source of anxiety. You're both single, so be single and enforce this guy's boundary. Link to comment
Jess7910 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 It's ok - don't beat yourself up so much! I do believe you need clarity in your life, and you're just not getting it right now, hence everything is so confusing. It's never too late to go NC. Only next time, when he calls...No Sex! It's not your fault. Don't be so harsh on yourself! We all have our weak moments. Just be sure not to give in next time Emotional attachment. It's the double edged sword that builds us up when we're in the right relationship and tears us down when we're in the wrong relationship...if that makes sense. Losing him is a source of distress, having him is a sense of relief, not having him but having him is a source of anxiety. You're both single, so be single and enforce this guy's boundary. Thank you very much, it does make sense. Would you mind doing me a favor and just breaking down to me exactly what you mean who you say enforce his boundary? I feel like I'm at my emotional rock bottom this is not who I am Link to comment
Lonewing Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Right now, he calls you up when he feels like it and sees you at his whim. Then he runs off and does whatever he wants. And yet he tells you you're both single... So either he is with you, or he isn't; right now, he's just using you as you allow it [as you want it] but it's just a taste, it's not what you need. So you have to enforce Single. Perhaps it will bring him around, but at the very best, and this should be your primary purpose, it will bleed him out of your system to the point where you no longer react to him. AKA, you haven't broken up, you're just letting it be a break. I'm suggesting you go forth and make this break real, so that he can't come and go accross your lands as he pleases. Because obviously, that doesn't work for you, you deserve much better than this! You don't need to explain anything to him, he will just have to figure it out on his own what his actions cost him. Link to comment
Lucha Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 You are giving him all the power. I think he is an *ss for stringing you along like that. I mean, taking things slow is a good thing, but it seems as if this guy is just trying to have his cake and eat it too. You are his backup plan, he can come back to you anytime if his new single life doesn't seem to please him. And you're letting him. He's dictating you his terms and you accept. Stop it! You have to talk to him (without too much emotions though) and say what YOU want from this relationship. And wanting to be exclusive is really not much to ask. So if he can't meet your needs, go back to nc. This is basically getting your power back a little. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 One of the most powerful tools after going NC is to change your cell phone number. This keeps your ex from being able to *conveniently* drop breadcrumbs texts or reach you by phone. IF you had changed your number after going NC -- which takes minutes to do and doesn't cost a thing -- none of this would've happened because he wouldn't have been able to call you! So.... go NC again, and this time change your phone number -- as well as keeping him blocked on your email and all social media sites you use. IF an ex ever wants to say anything meaningful, THEY'LL FIND A WAY to say it. You don't have to offer yourself up on a platter to their whims. Change your number, dust yourself off, resume your NC. YOU have the power to get over this loser and move on to a happier life! Link to comment
Jess7910 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Thank you. I copied and pasted what you said so I can print it out and keep it with me. It is very hard to stop focusing on him and he he is doing, will be doing, instead of focusing on my own self and future. I still need to realize that these are his issues and even though hes blaming it on me I know in my heart that I did all I can do. He is young and immature and made a dumb decision and now I am allowing him to not have any consequances for walking out on me and my daughter. So yes i am single and I need to find out what that means to me and only focus on what I can control. Thanks again for your words of wisdom Link to comment
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