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I can't believe I have to start all over again with someone new


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Well I can say I do slightly feel the same. I was with same person for over 8 years. I honestly dont want anyone else at this point. No dating for me for a good while. The thought of dating is not even an option. I have had one failed marriage(ended due to physical and verbal abuse) and most of my relationships are long term. I have no desire to date for awhile. I at least wont even consider it until I feel I am pretty much healed from this. Plus, I cant even think about kissing another guy. I would cry. IT Will take time at least. We will be okay. One day at a time

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Is anyone else miserable about this. I can't believe it. Having to meet someone, let alone like them and they like you and then date ALL FREAKING OVER AGAIN.

For what? To just get dumped again?

 

Why look at it as a negative? Perhaps the next person you meet will be somebody you are more compatible with, someone who you have more fun with, someone who will be in it for the long haul?? Dating isn't easy but there is somebody out there who will make you realise why things never worked out with any of your previous ex's.

 

I agree with mhowe, you really do have the wrong mindset.

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I can understand feeling this way. I've felt this way after a relationship ends -- I think it's a way of telling yourself that you're just NOT READY to start dating again!

 

It won't last forever. Just let it run its course.

 

When you're REALLY ready to start dating again, the idea of meeting someone new (and better for you) is going to make you feel excited, not exhausted, or like "what's the point?"

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I feel the same. What I got from this breakup are not only lessons but also kind of a fear of commitment .. Considering how you can go from 'never been happier' one day to 'rock bottom' in only a few months. It has given me some trust issues i guess.

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Yeah, its kind of daunting thinking about starting over with someone new, especially when your wounds are still fresh. Playing the whole getting to know you game, finding someone with similar goals, who is actually attractive and attracted to you. I think in my case my fear is driven by the fact I am now 33, amd live in a very small rural town. It seems like all the "good ones" are taken. Plus getting dumped has shaken my self esteem and uncovered insecurities. I wonder if my car is good enough, if my job is good enough to attract a quality woman etc. I have high standards, and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve. M ex was amazing for a long time. Now I'm left to pick up the pieces and move on.

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It can and will happen when you are ready.

 

I was in relationship thru my 30's ---- it ended after 8 years. I took time off to heal, to travel, to find me (somehow lost me).

I live in a town of 40,000....and it is resort area...and retirement area.

 

At age 49, I started dating the man I will spend the rest of my life with. I didn't meet him in a bar. He owns his own business and home, as do I.

He is divorced....but no kids. And the divorce was a decade ago.

 

It is by far, the best relationship of my life.

 

And it wasn't daunting to start over --- it was refreshing to find a relationship that was drama free, supportive and so easy.

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It can and will happen when you are ready.

 

I was in relationship thru my 30's ---- it ended after 8 years. I took time off to heal, to travel, to find me (somehow lost me).

I live in a town of 40,000....and it is resort area...and retirement area.

 

At age 49, I started dating the man I will spend the rest of my life with. I didn't meet him in a bar. He owns his own business and home, as do I.

He is divorced....but no kids. And the divorce was a decade ago.

 

It is by far, the best relationship of my life.

 

And it wasn't daunting to start over --- it was refreshing to find a relationship that was drama free, supportive and so easy.

hi mhowe are you still in a relationship now with the person you met at 49? how long did it take you to heal after your 8-year relationship?

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Yes I am...and it gets better with each passing day.

 

The 8 yr relationship probably took about 18 months. It was so long ago I don't remember. I wasn't looking to get into another, so it is hard to say when I stopped thinking about it. I had so much else going on in my life at the time I just put it behind me.

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As others have said, you're just not ready if you feel that way. My marriage of 16 years just ended this past Monday and I can't even begin to imagine dating again. I have so much I want to do before I even begin thinking about dating again.

 

I thought I would be married forever to my ex-wife, but it wasn't to be. I kept my house and I have so many things I want to do to make it my home now. I also want to re-do my kids bedrooms how they want it.

 

When I met my ex-wife it happened when I wasn't looking or expecting it. She actually came up to me and introduced herself. I think you just need to work on yourself, to heal and to make yourself happy. Love will come when you least expect it.

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Yes I am...and it gets better with each passing day.

 

The 8 yr relationship probably took about 18 months. It was so long ago I don't remember. I wasn't looking to get into another, so it is hard to say when I stopped thinking about it. I had so much else going on in my life at the time I just put it behind me.

it's good to hear you're happy in your new relationship

 

nickgtg: im so sorry about your marriage. others find strength in their kids, i think they can help you cope. thank you for saying that love comes when you least expect it. my sibling also told me that. i never did understand my other guy friend who likes to go on dates with someone new at least once a week.

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