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Overthinking after break up


MMT

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What to do with coulda woulda shoulda after break up?! Actually as long as I have overthinking I can not say I moved on completely. I know it gets better and better as time goes on but these days it is bothering . It wastes my time and energy. Any helpfull advice?

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During my break up, I remember thinking the same thing at one point. I told someone "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired about it all!"

 

And resolved to take 5 minutes once a day to vent it on paper and get it out of my head. Soon enough...I wasn't writing anything. It really had all been said. And at that point...forward is the only direction!!

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I wrote down all the red flags I ignored so I could stop replaying them and then the "take aways" (what I learned about myself or dating or just a plain life lesson about people) ...that made me feel like it was meant to be, no time was wasted and I learned what I needed to learn to be ready for my next (better!) relationship.

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for me its come and gone. One day I am bent out of shape and I'm like, "what the was she thinking?" or, "why the hell does she want to be friends." Other days I just don't care anymore and I'm thankful that she broke up with me so I can find someone who can match my level of warmth and affection as well as someone who has aspirations for a family.

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This is probably bad advice but over-analyzing the situation helped me out a bit. I have an obsessive mind anyways so there is no really getting around it. But as I began to replay the relationship over and over...I slowly started to break free from idealizing her and remembering the relationship as a whole. All the good and bad things about me and all the good and bad things about her. No single person is perfect in a relationship and you have to realize that the other person made their fair share of mistakes (whether they want to admit it or not). You just slowly have to come to terms that both parties did they best they could and acted in the way they thought was best at the time. It's just as dumpee's we tend to take it twice as hard because of the rejection factor.

 

Anyways, once you start seeing the relationship for what it really was, (like Sav said) start writing down all the things you didn't like about the other person....from huge red flags to petty crap. Make that list as long as you can. I did it and keep the list in my pocket everyday. I reference it everytime I start to miss her.

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