I can not move on after 7 months..:(

[Johndoe8]

Well it all started at my parents wedding. Her(we will call her Jane) parents and my parents kinda set us up. After the wedding we decided to see each other, we both knew we liked each other a lot. Things were going great, until about 1 and a half months later Jane found out that she would have to move 3 hours away. The move would not be until August and we met in February. That leaves 4 months to figure everything out. This crushed me. I am only 18 years old yet have never been in a serious relationship. Just when things started to get good, and finally I was looking into the future knowing that she would be there, I find out that we had a very tough decision to make.

 

A lot of feelings that I have never felt before were suddenly taking over my mind. Do we stay together and hope things will work long distance? Do we end things now before we get too attached? Or do we stay together until she moves, then part ways? So from endless nights of talking and working things out, push came to shove, and we ended things in early May. We both did not want it to end like this. I regret letting her go everyday, and i hope she feels the same way. Prior discussions reveal that she wishes we stayed together and she wonders where we would be right now if we stayed together. I went on with my life and I thought that was it. ...... I was wrong.

 

Every girl after that that I would try to get to know or be interested in, I would just compare her to Jane. No one came close to her, and I would just push them away because I'm scared I'm going to be in a relationship that I'm not 100% happy with.(like i was with Jane) Jane and I never really spoke after that. Just 2-3 "hey how have you been" texts That were evenly spaced between the months. But the conversations never lasted past 10 Texts.

 

This is my problem, its now December and we have not spoken in like 4 Months. I still have feelings for this girl. I Still want her back and of all the girls I know or any one I see anywhere Jane is thee most beautiful and I keep comparing everyone to her and hoping I will find someone better to replace those feelings.

 

I know this isn't much of a story but its the one i'm dealt. What does this mean? Why cant I forget about the feelings I had for her? Is this love? The feelings still feel so real. Please, somebody give me the time of day and help me out!!!

[mhowe]

"Please somebody give me the time of day"????

 

Interesting mindset.

 

Any who...feelings were real, but life happened before things were concrete enough to withstand a long distance relationship. And since you have had very little contact...the connection has fizzled.

 

You are self sabotaging by comparing other women to Jane.

Maybe because she was your first gf.

So...you need to cherish the memories and stop anchoring yourself to the past.

[Johndoe8]

I agree with you, i need to stop comparing her to other girls. I should have added in that my sister is best friends with her. So I guess that little connection to me is making me think that things COULD possibly still get better. My feelings are thriving off of that connection.

[mhowe]

They can't and shouldn't. One day soon you will hear from sis that Jane has new boyfriend... and you will realize that you have been treading water. Drop the anchor to the.past and swim.

[Johndoe8]

ahah oh boy i must be screwed up, that day has already came. She has had a boyfriend for the past 4 months.... this is why I want to know why I cant just "drop the anchor".

[Johndoe8]

but whilst she is in this relationship she says she sometimes wonders where we be if we didn't split up so... this is all very confusing for me.

[mhowe]

Because you don't want to...any connection is better than no connection.

However...it is only a one sided connection that is impeding YOUR progress and maturity.

She has moved on.

[Johndoe8]

I think all i need is closure. This topic was brought up because today I was on a "date" at a local mall, and who did i see? of course Jane. Expecting her to be 3 hours away, she was home visiting. Thus making me reevaluate my date and once again compare her to Jane. I think i'm just fed up with waiting for "the one". I'm 18 and have not had a serious relationship (regarding Jane). or maybe im just frustrated with the fact that I have not yet been sexually active, because I want the first time to really mean something. Not just drunk at a party. and i know what your thinking "the kid is probably just ugly or overweight". I didn't come here to brag but im aware that im a very good looking guy,as i have been told many times. Finding a girl that would "date" me is no hard task but its me find a girl that i like is the problem.

[Qac]

Hey mate, you need to move on. And please try to keep your emotions in control. It all starts and ends in the brain. All your emotions and feelings are being processed in your head.

 

Just get the right mindset and try to get over with this. There are many way to do this.. and first of all is ... LOVE.

 

The only thing which cuts an iron is indeed another iron . So what do we make of it ? Well! Its LOVE. Kill the Old love with new love.

 

And please this does not has to be with a new girlfriend. First of all try to love yourself. Try to love the people around you, Your parents, friends, all the community.

 

Try to learn the art of living a happy life. Your brain is responsible for all process of information just get into it. Try to analyse and keep yourself out of her.

 

I'm just about in the same age as you but i learned this all from the experiences i had.

 

Hope that helps buddy,

[Johndoe8]

Thanks man it means a lot, really does. It makes a lot of sense when you put it that way. Ill try my best to LOVE!

[Qac]

cheers! and dont get upset when her memories haunt you, i'm at 3rd Month of breakup and my girl just dumped me for a really odd reason.

 

the emotional wave just hit me few hours back but i managed to keep myself silent and in control. here i am again typing infront of you. Thats how you manage it.

 

If something haunts you, her feelings, her memories just try to get them. try to manage them and BE A STRONG person.

 

 

And always remember " women are always attracted to strong personalities, you surely dont want to be a coward, crying boy? this would spoil your chances big time "

 

So this is the right age. Come out as hard as you can. Make yourself a person you want to be.