Best Way to get Ex Back

[sophi3]

What is the best way to get an ex back that worked for you guys?

 

No Contact - they'll miss you

Contact - so they'll know youve improved since youre telling them about it and can probably see it if you meet up

 

Im confused

[NorthDallas40]

There is NO surefire way to get an ex back. Do not forget this.

 

But to increase your chances, go NC. Then identify and change whatever was wrong about YOU that caused the breakup.

 

After that, it's up to fate.

 

Either way, you'll be a better person as a result.

[pl3asehelp]

If you want to be with your ex and they want to be with you , why did you ever break up in the first place?

[Kendahke]

What is the best way to get an ex back that worked for you guys?

 

No Contact - they'll miss you

Contact - so they'll know youve improved since youre telling them about it and can probably see it if you meet up

 

Im confused

 

The best way to get an ex back is them coming back to you of their own volition. It means that they're ready to atone for hurting you and disappointing you.

 

If the impetus does not come from them, nothing will make them want to stick around. A momentary curiosity rarely turns into them wanting to stick around.... they will always go back to remembering the reason why it is that they're not with you and you return back to square one and feeling crushed, embarrassed and disappointed that you let yourself get played out that far.

[Robin2904]

As stated above, there is no proven way to get your ex back. When I first came on here I think I made the mistake to think I would stumble accross a thread that would magically outline the information for me that would help me get my ex back. I didn't find that thread because it doesn't exist- because there isn't any 100 percent proven way to do it.

 

There are several things to you can do. One of them is go NC. Some people thing going NC is about making them miss you, and honestly if you're going NC for that reason, you're doing it for the wrong reason. It should be about you, distancing yourself so you can heal. If they do infact miss you and want you back it will just be a side effect, but don't let it be your motivation to go NC. Trust me, if you got NC to try to 'spite' them all you'll do is wind up waiting for contact, almost begging for it in your head and you won't get the full effect of it which is suppose to be time for you to heal and be okay.

 

If you and your ex are meant to get back together you will, but no one can tell you when or how it will happen. No one can tell you what to do to get there because it is all about fate (yes I know that sounds cliche) but if its suppose to happen it will.

[Lambert]

It's so cliche but.... Move on for real and they will come back. The real trick is not falling for their BS and getting back with them. Yes, yes, I know your situation is different it can work out.... But here's my thing. Why try to make it work with someone that hurt you? Meet someone else. Someone that likes you and will stay with you. Then you never have to get them back bc they never left.

[doicare]

I wrote a how to get her/him back strategy guide. But honestly, I never posted it. I got back an ex, but like everyone says above you need to emotionally divorce yourself from needing that person. I think NC is really a tactic to recover, self preservation and important in the first couple months. NC for life is extreme, especially if one person just fell out of love. If they cheated or were abusive, NC for life is in my mind totally called for.

 

Also NC establishes your barriers and regains control and respect back for you. I just laid out mine and told my ex I love her and accept her feelings but Im not interested in being her friend, that this is done and to have a nice life. Things are now suddenly on my terms. It's only been 3 days, so the outcome is uncertain, but Ive spent the past 3 days learning to accept that it's over. That's the most important. Otherwise Ive been reliving why I dont ever want the relationship back, honestly it was not good for my self confidence, in other words abusive. If she ever came back, it would have to be on terms of mutual respect and love. I dont think that's possible, therefore I think it's best just to find a better partner.

 

That said I left the door open, and she's still on a couple of my social networks. In my head I think it's a little petty to cut people off, it shows a childish attitude of you cant have me. Honestly I decide if she can have me, and whether I cut her off or not, I dont want to be an and stoop down to her level. Move on, and be well. Maybe she'll come back, but it has to be on your terms now.

 

NC for a couple months is required to get your ex back. Otherwise, it's all up to you. I think most will just say move on, but you're the one to be the judge of that.

 

Be Good!

[snappy5]

I do agree they have to return on their own volition. Not from anything you've said or done to convince them though. Coercion will erode their respect for you, make you desperate and manipulative, and all around isn't a viable option if you want them return for the long run.

 

The concept behind NC and then onto perhaps LC is to allow yourself time to heal and then keep a channel of communication going that either of you may take advantage of should the opportunity arise. It's a lot easier to say I'm sorry when you're not absolutely humiliated going back to the ex you dumped. From my perspective as much as they hurt you, I don't need the satisfaction from realizing how much anguish they must have accrued in order to tug their tails in and come whimpering home. Moreover I think a grand desperate plea to get back together from them isn't long term material either. It should be civil, collected, and well thought out from both parties.

 

LC also a way to gauge how they're doing and for you to offer tidbits about what you're improving.

 

If you intend on not getting back with an ex sure, go for NC. But considering we're all on this forum, at some point contact must be made between both parties. Contrasted to that is if you're unable to move on and can't heal properly due to any contact with the ex. Then you should take the full amount of NC you need. Perhaps you might even realize you've moved on by that point.

 

My rebuttal to those who say you should find someone new who has never hurt you. People make mistakes. Holding onto that anger about past hurt will never let you completely move on. The fact it still conjures up unpleasant thoughts and emotions means it still irks you. When you're really over it it won't matter.

 

When it doesn't matter is when you can get together without all the old baggage of the previous relationship. I can bet you did crappy things to people you've dated as well. You learned from those mistakes and hopefully knew not to make them again. If your ex has truly learned from their mistake they won't do it again. That is why taking it very slowly is especially advised. This way you have tangible proof both of you have changed for the better.

 

When it won't matter is also when you probably can think logically about the relationship. You will most likely be at a point of indifference you could move on just as easily. Thing's aren't so hard, you're happy single, you've improved things and learned new hobbies; you've reached a new point of balance in your life that filled the void of the broken relationship.

 

I honestly think most great partners weren't so great at the start. But they learned and they got good at it. When both of are you adept at taking care of the relationship, it will last.

[sharky988]

The best way to get an ex back is them coming back to you of their own volition. It means that they're ready to atone for hurting you and disappointing you.

 

If the impetus does not come from them, nothing will make them want to stick around. A momentary curiosity rarely turns into them wanting to stick around.... they will always go back to remembering the reason why it is that they're not with you and you return back to square one and feeling crushed, embarrassed and disappointed that you let yourself get played out that far.

 

Agreed.

 

There's nothing you can "do" to get your ex back. They either come back on their own or they don't. The only thing you can "do" is push them farther away, which is why your best bet is to disappear from their world completely. (Which also, more importantly, is the best way for YOU to heal and move on!)

 

All those "how to get your ex back" systems are based on exploiting peoples' hopes that they can somehow manipulate their ex into coming back by changing themselves in specific ways or contacting after a certain amount of time and following steps A, B and C.... sadly, not the case.