ATTRACTION: Guys vs. Girls

[DropToZero]

This is something I thought about posting, and now am for all guys mainly who need to understand. I keep seeing these posts about guys wanting to know 'does this girl like me, or should I tell her I like her?'. Guys need to read this and understand that girls have a different perspective on attraction.

 

I can't take credit for this, but they took down the last post b/c of the web site, so I cant post it any longer. Guys, girls DON'T care what you FEEL for them, they only care what THEY FEEL. It doesnt matter how much you like her, it's not going to change her mind about you. You can't read a girl's thoughts, so don't try to figure out whether or not she likes you. She will let you know if she likes you, you just need to learn how to read these signs. Girls, if they are attracted to you, I have learned, that they like to 'figure it out' for themselves. That's why when a guys tells a girl he likes her, sometimes outta nowhere, she ends up avoiding him or telling him not to say it again. Think about it for yourself, what would you do if one of your friends (girl) came up to you and said she's liked you, always has, especially if you never thought of her in that way, wouldn't you feel kinda cornered....?

 

This is the reason guys put up all these posts about 'why do girls like jerks', and why being a 'nice guy' doesnt work. Any person can be nice, anyone, a girl isn't going to like you just because you're nice to her, you have to learn to flirt, tease her, and if you don't know how you need to learn. This is why girls often 'fall' for guys, they are often asked 'why do you like him, or what made you like him', its feelings, thats why they usually can't explain them. If any girl has support or input on this...I welcome it.

[asdf]

i think the problem in general with nice guys is that they're nice because they feel like they have to be to validate themselves, and that seems like an insecurity, which is not very attractive to most females.

 

me, i'm a nice guy. i hold open doors, pull out chairs, but i also tease girls a bit, and i'm not going to be a wimp and give in to them or anything. it's perfectly possible to be a nice guy and not be a wimp, and i think that's a lot more powerful than being a jerk.

[atigdng]

I think I also agree with asdf on that. Being nice is never enough unless she is really blonde. Good jokes everyonce in awhile are always good to. Girls like guys that are fun, not boring.

[Gunther]

well LtAwesome, that is an interesting, yet arguable post. I'd wager to say that some girls do not base there decision entirley on how a guy flirts or teases her, a lot of girls have learned better, and base a good portion of there decision on how the guy treats her. Yes a good portion of what you say is true, but we seem to be at the threshold of a new era of flirting it seems. Many women are learning at earlier ages, that guys who are jerks are the ones to stay away from, and that it is depending more and more on how THEY are treated. And lets not forget about the physical attration factor. That is why more and more nice guys are no longer finishing last. Of course this is just from what I have observed.

[RayF]

thank you virus your post really brought this thread down to earth.

 

the original post is just ludacrious. that kind of thinking from women really irritates me. It's why you see woman scrambaling like hell to settle down when they near 30 becuase their looks are fading and thier biological alarm clocks ticking, they've been screwed over by guys who mistreat them... nOW it's time to settle down.

 

I'm finding it very hard to find any real women in this world, ones with their heads on striaght and ones that aren't into this childish gameplaying.

 

I have NO desire to be with a woman who can only be attracted to me if i'm teasing her or being a "jerk".

 

those types of women are not women, they are girls.

 

I'm a very nice guy not to say i won;t tease or joke around with a girl when i've become comfortable with her but If a woman says she's looking for a guy who will treat her well but feels no attraction to one when she's staring at it in the face because he's not putting her down then i'm grateful that i won't have to waste my time with that woman.

 

The difference is being assertiuve. from now on i've decided tojust be upfront with a woman i'm attracted to and that i can get a good conversation going with. flat ut ask her for her number, on a date or for coffee.

 

the type of person i woulddate is a woman, not a girl... someone who i have a great connection with, and someone that deserves to be treated well.

[ksk0_0]

I'm a nice guy (assertive) and girls like me... is it just me? or are some based points you listed are somewhat wrong? (no disrespect) maybe it depends on the girls? ... weird thing is... im known by half the school and sometimes, just random people I don't know (but they know me) walk up and say hi and stuff to me. I'm not on any football team or anything like that but... i just dont' get it

[DropToZero]

See, this is not fair, the admins deleted my original post(b/c of a web site post), this one was not as good because I couldnt' remember half of my points when I had to write it again. I had already had 2 other girls tell me that my post, and one quoting "Guys read this, its soo true its scary". Im not saying you have to be a jerk to get girls, that's not what was meant by this post, it was meant for the guys who always want to tell girls that they're in love with them. Being nice is okay, like you said, assertive, this is for guys that post in this forum who don't understand a girl's view of attraction compared to a guys....ya my original one was a lot better...this one isn't as strong and I know it, probably should have waited till I could remember all I had written before posting again.

[traz]

I disagree with one major point though...

 

It seems that your post is assuming that when a guy expresses his feelings to a girl, that he expects it to CHANGE the way she feels about him. And your post of course is saying that such expressions will NOT change a girls mind. That much I agree with.

 

However, when a guy tells a girl how much he likes her, I don't think he expects it to change the way she views him. At least, that's not why I have thought about doing it. The reason a guy would tell her his feelings is

 

a) to SEE how she feels...not to CHANGE how she feels

b) sometimes pent-up feelings can be really hard to deal with, and it simply makes things easier to get them out and in the open, regardless of if they change anything or not

[Mr. Presidente]

to topic creator, i agree with you 100%.

but i also want to add that when a guy tells a girl he likes her, the girl won't think of him as a challenge, and will even stop feeling attraction for him (if she was attracted to him before the confessing).

that's why the people you like to call jerks get the girls, cause they don't do this "I like you and I can't live without you" crap to girls and they always keep the girls guessing.

Just check the topics here created by the female posters and see how they wonder if the jerk/player/flirt she has a crush on likes her or not. They're making them guessing, which triggers attraction. The wimpy "nice guy" don't do that, unfortunately. That's why they don't get girls, and they probably will never get any