She left me

[M2411]

Hey everyone I'm not expecting to many responses this is more of a I just need to write it out sort of thing but please feel free to comment. So here goes, last year during my sophomore year of college I met this girl in October whos name was Shelby. When I first met her I'll admit I had a bit of a crush on her and after a few weeks an a sort of date I told her how I felt and he told me she didn't feel the same so it was a bit awkward but then we started talking and hanging out and soon became great friends. About December she got engaged to this guy from her high school and I told her I'd back off cause I didn't want him getting worried by me and her hanging out she said she talked to him and it was all fine with him that we hung out. So over the course of about 10-11 months we hung out pretty much all the time got meals together all the time hung out in each other's dorm rooms watched tv played video games did homework and so on any chance we had we really hung out we helped each other with things gave advice and just got along great. Heck when she would go to work and got bored shed text me and ask me to come visit and talk so I did I'd go to panera and grab two large iced teas and bring her one and one for myself and I'd stand there at the malls help desk for hours just talking and laughing with her about anything and everything. Over the summer it was less cause she had to stay up at school for the summer while I went home but we hung out when to concerts together and even visited each other a few times I even bought her a birthday present. Everything was perfect until exactly one year later. She'd broken up with her fiancé in the beginning of September things weren't working and she'd realized she didn't love him. So we still hung out and such she got a new job at school and made a new friend there and that's when everything died. She met her new friend and hung out with her more and more and me less and less which I'll admit I was jealous of at first but then things got better she even it out and we would see each other. Then exactly one year from the first time we hung out she yells at me telling me I annoy her and that she is questioning our friendship so I ask what's wrong what happened and she just tells me she doesn't want to talk anymore so we didn't talk for about a month a few chit chats now and then cause I tried to fix things but that's it. I told her how much the friendship meant to me and how much I cared for her as a friend. She took it wrong said I was being creepy and thing along those lines. Well last Sunday she told me we could still be friends but she didn't think we would ever hang out again cause she thought I was trying to date her. And I said that was fine even though it was a lie. Well I messaged her Sunday night and she yelled at me again saying I'm doing the annoying thing again so she removed me from Facebook and now won't speak to me. There's a lot more to this story but I'm worried it's to long so that's it. Thanks for reading if you do.

[M2411]

Oh I forgot one key thing. During that month one of her friends took her phone one night while they were drinking I assume it was her new friend from work cause she mentioned her name later. But anyways they took her phone and started texting me very mean and cruel messages to which I not thinking thought were from her so I responded saying how much she's changed and things and that I was done. Two days later I see a post on twitter saying "I wish I could tell you how sorry I am.." A few mins later I get a text from her apologizing about the messages and how she didn't send them. I forgave her and asked where me and her stood she said she still needed time then came the Sunday messages mentioned above.

[RideOn]

Sorry to hear that. I lost my best female friend 13 years ago. We were extremely close. The bizarre thing she just stopped talking to me just like that. Seriously, with no explanation or anything. I can't believe how we would talk everyday for years and then in a blink of an eye it was over. I tried contacting her but to no avail. Still haven't talked to her since then. I tried to think what the heck I could possibly do to deserve such a finality to our friendship and I really have no clue. Nothing.

 

I think it's best to give her some time. I know it stinks but give her some room and then try to contact her. Don't push it right now. She sounds like she is pretty upset so do your best to stay away for now.

[Leyla]

In all honesty, she doesn't sound like a true friend (nor a very nice person for the matter). During that whole time you spent being very close, she pretty much treated you like her boyfriend. Then she accused YOU of trying to date her. Why did she spend so much time with you and not with her fiancé while she was still engaged? My guess is that she has feelings for you and is in denial about it. Just leave her alone for a while. Give her an opportunity to miss you. I think she'll come around and realize what a mistake she made by pushing you away. By the way, that new friend she made sounds like a very bad influence on her.

 

You sound like a very nice person. I wish I had a friend like you! I think you don't deserve to be treated the way she treats you, especially after everything you did for her!

[M2411]

As of now I am giving her space and leaving her alone. And see the thing is she used to not be like this she changed drastically when she met her new friend from work and not for the better in my opinion. As for the not spending time with her fiancé he wasn't here he's deployed over seas in japan. And now that I look at it yeah she pretty much did treat me like a boyfriend guess I never noticed it while it was going on. Everyone else did though always mistaking us for a couple or saying we should date or saying that we secretly were.

[M2411]

Oh also I could be wrong on this so maybe don't dig into it to much but yesterday morning I went down to the cafeteria to get breakfast cause I wasn't in the mood to cook so as I'm sitting there eating I notice her come in and she ignores me I glance at the register when she walks up to pay and notice she has her food to go and I look away I glance back a second time cause I notice they're having trouble with something at the register and I notice that she wipes her eyes a few times. In all honesty part of me feels like or wants to believe that she was wiping away a few tears maybe from seeing me there eating like me and her used to cause I know she saw me. But then I also realize that maybe she just had something wrong with her contacts.

[SooSad33]

Hi M24,

 

She obviously needs/wants some space now. In ways It kinda sounds like she was 'using' you. She kept you around and someone to 'lean on', then this NEW friend came along so you weren't needed any more?

But- obviously something has changed in her. Like she said, like you were wanting to date her.

So, what she's done it sounds like, is pushed many things away for now so she can 'feel free', to wander with her friend now.

 

Then you do nothing more, but respect that for now. No contact, nothing. Don't think about her anymore.

Whether she did use you or not- things have changed, sadly.

So it's time for you to accept and move on. Leave all alone now and look at taking care of yourself.

Get over this and her.. and look at moving on into an 'real' relationship someday.

[CeeLambrini]

Can I ask, in the time between her rejecting you, up until the end of the friendship - did your feelings change from romantic to friendship? As in, did you see her as a completely platonic friend by the end of it?

I'm only asking because if your feelings were still the same about her, perhaps she has picked up on that. Maybe she has shared this with her new friend and they have come to the conclusion that you're only hanging around her in hopes something will happen. Not that I condone this.

 

And when I say platonic, I mean - the thought of dating her now seems uncomfortable to you because of your friendship.

[M2411]

Can I ask, in the time between her rejecting you, up until the end of the friendship - did your feelings change from romantic to friendship? As in, did you see her as a completely platonic friend by the end of it?

I'm only asking because if your feelings were still the same about her, perhaps she has picked up on that. Maybe she has shared this with her new friend and they have come to the conclusion that you're only hanging around her in hopes something will happen. Not that I condone this.

 

And when I say platonic, I mean - the thought of dating her now seems uncomfortable to you because of your friendship.

 

In beginning like I mentioned earlier I did like her as more but once we started hanging out as just friends that's really all I saw and wanted from her I enjoyed her company enjoyed being around her she could always cheer me up and vice versa in the end I'm not sure what I was wanting I was perfectly fine with how things were and was fine being her friend but I guess in all honesty if she brought up the notion of us dating I don't know what id say I mean I've thought about it once or twice but I can't imagine it I can't see me and her kissing or any of that stuff. And I never met the new friend so i don't know how she could of thought I'd wanted more from Shelby.

[CeeLambrini]

You've never met the new friend but you can bet that Shelby has spoken about you to her.

And I am guessing the new friend has let her know her own theory on why you hang out with her so much.

 

Give her a lot of space, don't initiate contact.

[M2411]

Yeah I don't want to sound accusatory or jealous but I've always felt like her new friend was a big part of this. And I've been leavin her alone since Sunday. Just this is one thing that hurts a lot and I miss her

[M2411]

So i don't know if anyone is still reading this or not but she text me and right now I feel like I'm in the worst pain I've ever felt.

[M2411]

It's done she's gone completely

[Leyla]

I'm sorry to read that. What did she text you?

 

In all honesty, breaking up with someone by sms (whether it be friendship or romance) is the most coward way of breaking up with someone IMO. After all you did for her, you deserved better than that. Oh and if she can't see what a great friend you are, than it's her loss. You did nothing wrong. You're better off without someone who'd hurt you like that just because of something someone else said. You have a right to be sad, of course, but don't mourn over her for too long. She's not worth it. Do not contact her anymore from now on and try to move on. Like I said before, you sound like an incredible person and a great friend. You deserve to be surrounded with people who will want to be spend time with you and who will want to do the things you do for them because they care about you. She doesn't deserve you.

 

I'm going through a similar situation at the moment with a friend of mine, so I understand exactly how you feel. You've got to be strong, and believe me I know how hard that is. If you want, we can talk a little more together and share our experiences through private messaging.

[M2411]

Basically told me she's being seeing this guy slept with him and so and was wanting advice. Being the too nice of a guy I am I listened and helped her. Then later after some small talk we got to arguing said she and I weren't friends anymore and that she has been trying to fix it and all I do is talk bad about her. I couldn't believe it when all she's done is the opposite and I've been the one trying. So we didn't talk for a few hours then yesterday she messaged me on Facebook telling me she is sick and was just making a lot of small talk so i don't know what she's doing. I'm mad and sad at the same time.

[M2411]

Also I'm not sure why but the thought of her with this guy bothers me a lot i don't know if I'm jealous she's hanging out with someone else and I'm not involved or that she's wanting to date him and I'm like romantically jealous.

[Leyla]

You should ignore her. I know it's hard, but ultimately you're the one suffering, not her. You should watch the movie "500 Days of Summer". It would give you a new perspective on this whole situation.

[M2411]

Don't know whos all still reading this if anyone but just to say she called me today and asked if I could meet her for lunch so we could talk. I decided I'd go for it and if it got bad I'd just walk away and be done. She and I me up and she apologized and while it was a bit awkward things eventually kinda warmed up we started talking and joking like the old days but I'm not putting to much faith in it right now.