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Message behind my back.


Lovely92

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a few months and have had some up and downs but nothing major at all.

 

Recently we went out to meet some of my boyfriends friends and hang out. We met up with then and one of his friends sister was there we said hello and web about our night. Well later in the week my boyfriend and her became friends on Facebook and she posted on his was come out and have a drink with me. When I saw this I didn't care about it but I said that's weird we only ever said hi to her. And he proceeding to tell me oh it's nothing bad(which I didn't think it was, just making a comment). The next day for some reason I started thinking about it and felt uncomfortable so I texted him saying I'm uncomfortable with this for some reason. I just had a weird feeling. He assured me saying babe it's fine I have not talked to her and do not plan too. I said ok babe. And then later that night he had left his Facebook up and has sent a message to her saying "trying to get me in trouble I was very upset about this because it was a lie when he said I do not plan to talk to her and also because the message made me feel like our relationship was not serious. I'm really hurt and don't know what to do. He has lied before but never about anything serious. Just situations like this.... I am not sure what to do.

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Unless it is something bigger..I think his reply to her was to insinuate that talking behind your back and posting to him wasn't cool. You have.already talked to him and he said not to worry.

Call your girl friend...who doesn't sound like much of a friend, and tell her you don't appreciate her actions.

 

And quit snooping on his FB.

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Well, his message to her could be just something playful that has no meaning or it could be considered flirting. About the 'not going to talk to her' part, maybe he meant he won't have a conversation with her and he didn't think a comment fell under that category? You know your boyfriend..is he the flirty type in general?

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I would trust your gut. That's all the message said? It sounds flirty to me and also doesn't establish that he's in a relationship...but then the girl should already know that.

The only thing that makes me think it could have been innocent enough is that she posted it on his FB wall (right?) which is pretty public. So its not like she was texting him privately or anything...it was there for anyone to read.

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Thank you all. He is not generally flirty since we have been in a relationship but he is when we was single. Yes, she posted on his wall but he private messaged her. The only thing eating away at me is what he said in the message it makes me feel like he doesn't value our relationship.

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If he hasn't used the emoticon... it could have been taken as kind of snarky.

And remember... this girl with boundary issues is the sister of his friend...so I think he was trying to put her in her place without being rude.

 

Is she perhaps younger than you guys? It sounds like it.

If so...accept that she may be crushing on him.

But remember...he is with you.

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Oh no she didn't!

Your gut instinct is usually right.

I think this girl is pursuing him & she obviously doesn't take your relationship seriously (or she just doesn't care) to blatantly post on his FB.

Inviting another girl's BF out is just a no-no.

I wouldn't stand for this.

I'm accepting of girls my BF knows, sure, but I will not tolerate a new trying to GET to know him.

Yes, he's with you, but if you give a girl a chance to home wreck, she'll homewreck.

I'd tell her to stop message him.

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Firstly, I agree that your boyfriend's friend's younger sister should have known better. She knows that he's in a relationship and posting a comment like that on his Facebook page is disrespectful of you and your relationship with him. I obviously don't know this girl (the friend's younger sister) (or how old she is), but something tells me she's old enough to know better. And I don't blame the OP for questioning her boyfriend's response to this girl's Facebook post. I'd be questioning his reply as well. If anything, I would hope that my boyfriend would just ignore a comment like that and not even acknowledge it.

 

If it bothers you that much though, I would explain this to your boyfriend. Ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and he was in your position. Something tells me he wouldn't appreciate some guy posting on your Facebook wall and you responding in a manner like he did.

 

I also understand if you are reluctant to discuss this with him, but if this is really bothering you, and he cares about you, he should be able to appreciate your concerns and see things from your perspective. I, for one, totally see where you're coming from.

 

Good luck with everything!

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Thank you so much. We had a talk tonight and I explained all of my feelings as well as saying how would you feel of the roles were reversed. He actually was not acting defensive anymore and assured me he was sorry and he did not mean it the way it came off to me but understand that I was hurt by it. It bothered me at first that he tried to make excuses for it and not just say what it really was but I feel like he has done that now. I am willing to get over it and not bring it up anymore. It does still hurt when I think about it but I know it will pass. I also told him that I respect myself enough not to stay in a relationship where my partner can't be honest with me. So I told him what I needed from him and he did that same and came to an agreement on what the boundaries were.

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That's great, Lovely92! I'm so glad the discussion went well. It sounds like you handled it in the best way possible. You can't go wrong having a discussion like you and your boyfriend did. Otherwise, things usually tend to fester if you don't open up and it can (subconsciously, sometimes) take a toll on the relationship. No relationship is perfect and discussing things like this openly and candidly will only help you move forward. As cliché as this may sound, I'm a firm believer that communication is key. It's helped me through a lot of ordeals and relationships. I've come to accept that no relationship is perfect and regardless of who I'm with, there will be moments where I have concerns or issues over something and it will need to be discussed. I think we all wish we could just sweep our issues under the carpet sometimes in hopes of them disappearing (I tried this years ago, as I'm not the confrontational type), but I've come to realize that sweeping my issues under the carpet never worked. I've saved a lot of heartache (not just for me, but for other people), by addressing my concerns, etc. head on and discussing them. I know it can be tough bringing them up in conversation sometimes, but it's so worth it in the end. Plus, it earns you a lot of respect, too!

 

Good on you!

 

I'm a big fan of happy endings....

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