KidCanada Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 My girl and i have been together for several years now (4 1/2) and like any relationship we have experienced our ups and down. Recently I moved accross the country to pursue a career and during this time she and I were in a break period so that we had a chance to rediscover our selves. It was very hard and we both needed sometime apart to realize what we had. Upon informing her of my leaving we immediately spent our last time together making the most of it before I left. We called one another everyday, text etc, but honestly she and I are so intimate that long distance is just not our thing. We both would become angry and sad because we were basically missing one another so much. She came to visit me a few weeks ago and during the time leading up to it i could tell she was hesitant, more scarred because i felt she was pulling away due to the distance. However, any tension that existed leading up to it upon her arrival it was immediately put aside and we couldn't stop touching one another for the entire week. We discussed her moving out here to be with me since she is in a position to do so being done school and only have a transient job as a waitress. However, she needed time and although I was hurt and confused I had no choice but to respect it. You see we had broken up before and taken breaks but until this last summer they were never for long periods of time. During the summer she had a secret relationship which i found out about and she was so ashamed. I couldnt talk to her for a while because I needed to accept it was just a sexual relationship which she needed to not think about me or what I was doing. I honestly dont care about anything that has happened before I love her to much and she really is a the best. Anyways, she went home and everyday I seemed to pressure her into coming out here partly out of missing her and partly out of excitement I know how amazing our time was and I just couldnt imagine her not wanting to have this all the time. she talked to her family and I know she was scarred because I could just feel the hesitation in her voice she was apprehensive because she is scarred if we break up she followed me out here for nothing and sacrificed everything her family friends and security to chase love. Again, I have done nothing in the past to reassure her that I have changed and I want a life with her. However, she calls me three days ago saying she is not ready to commit to being out here its a massive step and needs time to be appart more so she can figure out what she wants, she is so confused. I ask if she still loves me and she says of course, then I asked if she was still in love with me and she said I was the love of her life. We talked for several hours both crying me feeling like a huge apologizing frequently for how I have behaved and leaving without including her in my plans. She said that leaving without her broke her heart regardless of where we were we were supposed to be together forever and I just left and now she thinks its not fair she just drops everything to be with me. I totally get it. In my melodramatic state I forced her to say it was "over" so I could move on. She eventually did and I said goodbye. Anyways that night I went on facebook to remove my account so I could start NC and she had "liked" her display picture which is a picture of us from when she had visited. She obviously did this knowing I would see it. it has been two days and her picture remains the same and she has been on facebook becuse I noticed again last night she was liking other peoples picture. Anyways, I love this girl and I just need some advice on what to do. I want to give her space but how much more physical space can I possibly give her? I know she needs time to see what she wants but I'm just scarred that since I am not there she will try to move on and forget me. I also feel like she is just waiting for me to reassure her that we can make this work and that im worth the risk of being hurt. I don't know she is obviously confused because im gone but why would she say that if i was home we would be together? why keep her display pic of us when she basically dumped me? and why say your still in love with me but wont take the risk of moving to be with me? Incase anyone was wondering its not a money issue or anything, her family doesn't want her to leave of course and her friends tell her that it will never work again because they don't want her to leave. Please someone can you give me some advice do i continue to leave her alone or do i risk reaching out and comforting her? Do i change my fb picture of us or do i also leave mine the same so that she knows im not trying to rush her? Like everyone here I love this girl and I think...she loves me too but i dont know. -thanks guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Her visit was just that... like a mini vacation. The reality of her moving away from all family and friends just to be with you is...too much to expect. You "forced" her to say it was over so you could move on, and that is what you need to do. Close out your Facebook and don't torture yourself by looking at her pictures and "likes" and get on with your life journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidCanada Posted November 10, 2013 Author Share Posted November 10, 2013 Her visit was just that... like a mini vacation. The reality of her moving away from all family and friends just to be with you is...too much to expect. You "forced" her to say it was over so you could move on, and that is what you need to do. Close out your Facebook and don't torture yourself by looking at her pictures and "likes" and get on with your life journey. But i dont understand why would she continue to call me all the time, talk to her family and tell them she is coming? I know the easy thing to do is say that she must be over it but how can that be? If it meant nothing to her she wouldnt have kept our display picture up she wouldnt have liked it knowing i would see it. I just think maybe i came on to strong and and i wanted her back here so bad. When she was here I saw her phone convo with one of her friends and she said she has never felt so happy like she is with me, her friend told her of course she feels that way but its cause your just with him alone again. I feel like her friends are pulling her one way and her heart is another...do you think time could allow her a chance to see things clearly or am i just hoping for something that will never happen...as a side note during our conversation she said she just wanted me to come home. I have been seriously considering hoping on a plane back home and seeing her. What does anyone think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 As her friend said...it.was because you guys were alone and just focused on each other during her visit...that is not reality. I am not saying she doesn't value your relationship. She.is NOT willing to move accross the country for it, however. If you want to give up your dreams and move home, she will be very happy. And so will you...until you begin to resent her for holding you back. Some relationships are not meant to last forever. That doesn't mean they weren't wonderful while the were going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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