just found out my fiance has been cheating on me

[Lolo21]

I found out the love of my life has been in love with someone else, he tells me he still loves me, but i know hes lying. This is so hard, I dont even know what to type on here, im just so brokenhearted. The woman he is cheating with is married, and has kids of her own, so they both just ruined to families lives, this is horrible. Im sorry, I just need some words of encourgerment, i feel so alone.

[jbutterfly2020]

Cheating is a hard thing to digest and I am sorry you had to go through it. I wish it wouldn't happen but people will do as they please.

 

The one thing you should be oh-so-greatful for is that you found his mess out before you were married. And hopefully you can look back and see the signs of cheating. This is just one of life's lessons that we could all go without but we need very much.

 

I was cheated on by a guy I thought would never do that to me. But he said I didn't have time for him. He was right, I work full time and go to school full time. I take up all my free time for "ME" time as well.

 

I am hurt by it since we were together for 2 years, but I am glad it happened when it did. Now I know what to change about future relationships and what to expect in case a new guy wants to stray.

 

I know you will be sad for awhile, but soon it will get better. \

[OnceAgain]

I'm so sorry about all this.

 

How did you find out? How long has he been cheating on you with her? Did he give you a specific reason? Is she older (I'm assuming you both are young) considering you said that she has children of her own. I'm sorry I'm curious but there may be more we need to understand to help you get through this. I do believe that you are lucky to find out now rather than later. My husband had an affair with a married woman but he still has not given me a reason as to why. I'm sorry but I do not accept the reason "it was a fantasy" as a real reason.

[DBL]

Good thing you found out now. It is a pain to get a divorce these days. I say you might as well ruin everyone's fun and tell the ladies husband. Talk him into kicking your fiance's butt.

 

Take it as a blessing...you found out before it was too late. It is not the end of the world. I was engaged a couple of times, married once...life goes on.

 

DBL

[striderhiryu81]

Drop this guy and take the time to reflect on your life and use that "me" time that jbutterfly mentioned. If he loved you then you wouldn't be here on this forum.

 

(You know, its somewhat disturbing that this place has to exist. Its a blessing, I don't know where I would be without the support that I've found here, but it irks me that people are out there causing such hurt.)

 

Sorry about that rant...

 

I agree with DBL. Tell the woman's husband if you can. Not out of revenge or anything, but just because he deserves to know what is going on. They have kida and all, but again, if keeping her family together was a priority, you wouldn't be in the middle of this mess.

[Lolo21]

I'm so sorry about all this.

 

How did you find out? How long has he been cheating on you with her? Did he give you a specific reason? Is she older (I'm assuming you both are young) considering you said that she has children of her own. I'm sorry I'm curious but there may be more we need to understand to help you get through this. I do believe that you are lucky to find out now rather than later. My husband had an affair with a married woman but he still has not given me a reason as to why. I'm sorry but I do not accept the reason "it was a fantasy" as a real reason.

 

I found out when I was looking at his email, I was snooping because a couple of months ago I found some "flirtaous" emails from this same women in his email and he told me he was so sorry and it didnt mean anything, so of course I have been keeping tabs on him because of that and well yesterday i found a separate email account with like a 100 emails in it from this women resoponding to his emails, he keeps telling her how much he loves her etc. She is older than him, he is 23 shes 30 and married with kids. Im 21. I feel so disgusted because my fiance not only ruined my life and broke my heart, but he also ruined another family and hurt children. It just breaks my heart.

[DBL]

When will people learn to delete emails that you don't want found.

 

He didn't ruin your life, you are just going to get a new start. At 21 I was having myself a good time being single. Go out and do the things you want to do. There will be other men.

 

DBL

[titan]

When will people learn to delete emails that you don't want found.

 

Perhaps i am not justifying anything here but maybe this women was giving him something that was missing, IE compashion, the feel that he was wanted and kept the emails to be reminded of that.

 

It is still very wrong i would forget this dude and just be single for a while and just take things has they come.

[sidiot]

I would normally be be one to say to take your time and see if you two really have something you can still work out. At your young age and because you are not married and don't have children I would suggest you move on. Believe me I have been there and I am twice your age. The pain and hurt will go away in a few months and you will feel good about your decision to end this because you will still have your dignity and self respect because you did not accept his behaviour towards you. You have the whole rest of your life so I think you should put this behind you. Think about wether you want to tell her husband or not. It won't do much for you if you are leaving him anyways. Let him suffer with her. Statistics are that about 99% of people in affairs with a married person DO NOT end up with that person.....Let him find out the hard way and when he comes begging back to make up with you, make sure you are strong enough to say GET LOST and teach him a valuable life lesson....Good luck.....Be strong girll!!!!!!

[OnceAgain]

You're only 21 and have your entire life with ahead of you. When I was your age I was engaged to a guy around the same age as your fiance but I found he was cheating on me with some girl still in high school. I moved on quickly and enjoyed my life meeting and dating other people. Yes it hurt but it is not the end of the world.

 

As for the suggestion by some other posters here about telling her husband. I wouldn't do that. I am in my 30s, married and with kids myself and my husband cheated on me. He cheated on me with a married woman in her 30s as well with a child. She knew he was married and had kids yet when he didn't feel comfortable with the affair, he told her to get lost. So what did she do? She contacted me and blamed me for being dumped by my own husband!!!! I believe that was done more out of revenge on her part. I contemplated telling her husband but to be honest, it wouldn't accomplish anything but threats and name-calling and more broken hearts. I have to say though, that your fiance wasn't honest with her as well and I can sort of tell by your comment about him hurting another family with kids. I believe she thought that he was not attached to anyone and that is why she is involved with him. She could have a marriage suffering from infidelity on her husbands part. So please try not to tell her husband. But also don't attack her as well because you don't know what is going on in her life as well or what she has been told to believe.

 

JUST WALK AWAY FROM HIM AND ENJOY YOUR YOUNG LIFE.

[Iceman26]

I am sorry that has happened to you, I went through the same thing a little over a month ago. All I can really rell you besides that was that its not your fault. If he had really loved you he would have tried to work whatever issues you guys had out together instead of running to some cougar. You sound like you deserve better.

 

I agree with DBL, tell the husband and maybe he'll kick your ex fiance's behind. I find that sometimes people never learn anything until they get a good butt kicking.

[Lolo21]

Thank you all so much for your advice, it has helped me a lot. The only thing im not quite sure about is if i should contact the other woman's husband. I really think he should know, but a lot of my friends and so on have urged me not to because they think its revengeful. However, I believe its just the right thing to do, the woman has already admitted to my ex- fiance that she herself will not ever tell her husband, and she doesn't really seem to care, so I think this poor man needs to know. Anyways, thanks to all.

[DBL]

definitely tell her husband. Misery loves company...no sense and bearing the burden alone. You never know...her husband can be a good looking guy and you can hook up with him.

 

I remember some dude banging a girl I dated...she banged lots of guys, however this guys girlfriend was a lot hotter then mine...so this girl came to me for comforting.

 

Good Luck

 

DBL

[tea]

whoa~~ that'll be so awesome! Maybe he's hot and you can hook up with him!

 

Definitely tell him. If his wife doesn't even "care" that she's cheating on her husband their marriage is probably through anyways. He has the right to know his wife doesn't respect him in the least bit. Then he'll probably divorce her then you can date him! =DDD

[tbenson2]

I'm sorry that happened to you! I wouldn't say date right away. You don't want rebound relationships and it's not right to the new guy!