To Marry or not to Marry.... that is the question.

[lavenderdove]

Nothing is better than a good marriage, and nothing is worse than a bad one!

 

I believe in marriage for all kinds of financial, emotional, and logistical reasons. It can really be a safe harbor and wonderful when you are married to a good person that you respect and love.

 

But the inverse is true, that a bad marriage can suck the life right out of you and make you miserable.

 

So if you do decide to marry, make sure it is to someone who you respect, who has similar values and goals in addition to the love feelings or attractions. Most of the bad marriages i've seen are when people marry for 'partial' reasons, as in they are totally infatuated, but otherwise they have absolutely nothing in common, or they are infatuated with someone who is an abuser, or had drug/drinking problems, or who has large character defects like lying/cheating/laziness/selfishness etc. Or else they leap in when they see someone who makes a lot of money or would raise their standard of living or where the marriage will be 'convenient' at the time, but they either dont really have strong feelings for the person or overrate the lifestyle and discover they may want the lifestyle but they don't like/respect/love the person that comes along with that.

[Mesemene]

I've been married twice.

 

The first time was the typical idealistic forever thinking. I was 24. The second I was older - but even though hubby and I were happy enough either way, both of us having children made it a much more practical decision to make it "official." Not for the symbolism, but for the many legalities that couples who don't marry are excluded from.

 

They included things like health insurance, legal rights if one of us became incapacitated, tax filing as a family, and wrangling with the exes.

 

If all those hadn't existed, we might have lived together much longer before marrying. As it is, we're quite happy - but it wasn't "getting married" that made us a happy couple - we had that, and I believe we'd feel the same regardless of the legal paper.

 

After over 7 years, I don't regret marrying my husband at all - I just don't feel it was necessary for us as much as it was for satisfying legal and societal demands. We'd be together either way.

[mhowe]

Same with my grandmother, born in 1898. Her last 3 kids were born when she was 37, 40 and 44. And the youngest, my youngest aunt --- is the smartest of the 6 siblings!

 

That is true. My mom was done having kids when she was 23 though. But many women have children when they're older. My mother's mother ,the one I told you about she had my mother when she was 40 and my mother's brother when she was 42. Now mind this was 67 years ago before all special tests and things for "geriatric mothers." Yes if you are over 40 they call you a geriatric mother. Lol crazy but true. I myself got pregnant at 40 and 45. Both naturally. But both my children miscarried. But that was far more due to a problem I have with my uterus then my age . Although by the time you reach 45 the rate for miscarriage is above 50%.