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Need help for becoming a better man.


thelonelydork

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Okay so this is the deal. I've been into college for a couple of years now. I've met this amazing girl at the start of my college years and grew to like her. We were close buddies and ate,talked and laughed together. We shared similar ideas of the world and had similar familial circumstances (overexpectant parents and whatnot). After a year of being together, she suddenly transferred out and cut off all communication for another 2 years. 4 months ago, she and I managed to get in touch through Facebook and managed to have a date. I found out I still liked her company and started developing romantic feelings towards her. She seemed to feel the same.

 

It is at this point I would like to point out that I am a very sensitive person and am going through tough times because I suffer from KLS (Kleine-Levin Syndrome, read about it if you like). I'm depressed, unmotivated and often feel that I'm not loved by those I care about at all. To cut matters short, I grew obsessive and ended up suffocating her. She's been so kind to me but often I end up getting angry at her for being nice to others too. I was jealous because I was insecure,lonely and didn't want (what I felt at the time) the only thing right in my world to belong to someone else. I let my feelings and negative thoughts take control of reason and it ended up ruining what chance I had to pursue a relationship with her.

 

Her bestfriend (also my friend) often asks me what happened between the two of us because they (her friends) all thought we were going to end up being together. That same bestfriend also tells me she (the girl I like) is now seeing a guy but they all notice she isn't happy at all with him and it feels like she only agreed to date him because she was lonely.

 

I realize that at this point, I've been nothing but selfish but I do want to change for the better. I want to become a better man for myself and I want to show her I really love her (love and not just desire to possess her).

 

I'm still at the point of fighting the sickness that has taken hold of my life (KLS) and I don't think I'm ready to face her yet. We still keep in contact with each other through Facebook though it's been much colder than before. Do you think I should keep my distance from her until then? Are there tips you guys can give me to help speed my emotional growth and be a better person?

 

How do I not be less needy?

 

Do you think it's possible for us to reconcile or for her to learn to like me even though I've been such a colossal idiot?

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I was reading up on KLS at the following link:

link removed

 

This is something that is very hard to advise on. I'm not a medical professional, however, I would recommend that you hold off on relationships for awhile until you've consulted with a physician or any specialist(s) that you may be referred to. This situation is something that you need a professional to advise on.

 

Is this woman still interested in a relationship with you? It sounds as if she may have ended your relationship? If you haven't already, since you are obviously interested in getting back with this woman, it may be advisable to have a conversation with her regarding this. Educate her on KLS and see if that is something that she would be willing to have some understanding for and work with you through your recovery.

 

This is just my unqualified thoughts on this. I do urge you to at least talk to a professional regarding this. I feel you would get much better information from them and you will be able to go forward with more confidence.

 

Best of luck to you.

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Hi, are you very very sure you have this KLS ? Were you officially diagnosed by a professional? If so, I think perhaps you want to seek a second opinion. I am saying this because the symptoms are very similar to normal depression which can be easily treated.

 

I once had certain symptoms which I thought was something else ( more serious). I suffered several years. In the end, I recovered with just a small dose of anti depressant. Energy, happiness, motivation and the ability to travel all came back.

 

I also once had a stomach problem and 3 doctors ( specialists) said there was no cure. In the end, their diagnosis were wrong. I recovered fast once I got the correct treatment from another doctor.

 

Whatever you are having, don't believe one doctor completely.

 

As for the girl, just keep contact via fb for now. Focus on getting back your motivation and energy, all girls are more attracted to energetic, strong minded guys. Unless you had a strong relationship to start off with, don't bank on her wanting to nurse you back to health. You should do it yourself, and it is possible.

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I echo the idea that you should take care of your health issue.

 

I tend to think of personal growth like a house. You should build a solid foundation (good mental health, positive mental image of yourself, etc.) before moving onto the rest of the house (ie relationship, family, etc.). In my opinion, the latter is much more difficult to manage if you have a poor foundation.

 

Edit: That said, I commend you for recognizing the underlying problem instead of ignoring it in favor of simply trying to figure out the surface-level problem which is, in this case, the woman.

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