Keep thinking of my Ex's new relationship

[Ragamuffin blu]

I am still having trouble dealing with the rejection by my ex. I know this takes time, it has been 4 months and I am going through the pain. When I start to feel a bit better then I seem to take a step back. I am trying to let go but when I get close its like I panic and cling onto thoughts of my ex again.

My ex left me for someone else, in my heart I know I still love her and would take her back, I want to get to the point when I know that I would not. A friend suggested that I look at her fb page to let the reality of her new relationship really sink in as I seem to be avoiding it. I didn't bother for ages but this weekend I did. There was nothing much on there as she has privacy settings, I looked up the new person, its crazy to think it but she looks a bit like me, with a similar qualifications at a better college, younger than me and has done more travelling. I now feel way worse, I can see that all the qualities that she found attractive in me are with the new person in droves. I seriously thought she was the opposite of me and it was just a rebound. I feel so stupid for concentrating my thoughts on the new relationship, it is nothing to do with me. It is really hard to change my mindset onto me and to just forget about her, the more distant and time apart it seems the more I seek out threads of information. I wish I was stronger and could move on quicker than this.

[FullOfLove]

Block your ex and block the new person they're currently seeing and NEVER look again. It'll take time to avoid looking but you have to do whatever you can to kick the urge. That's what I had to do. It's been over 2 months since I've looked and even though I still think about him and her I know looking would just make me even angrier and then I like not knowing what's going on. Sort of like they no longer exist.

[t1lersm0m1]

I don't know how long you were together, but if it was a long time, then four months isn't very long to heal. And I agree, block them so you can't look at them.

 

You don't think it's odd that your ex is dating someone that looks like you? I'm NOT trying to give you hope that she'll come back, but I've never dated men that look alike. My ex hubby was 5'3, Italian, short hair. Ex from last year was 6'1, long salt and pepper hair, only wore harley shirts and jeans/jean shorts. He told me if we were ever invited to a wedding or anything he'd need to buy clothes because that's all he owns. Ex from this year was 6'1 but very large (360#), clean cut, took me to nice restaurants. None of them looked like the other.

 

If you ask me, dating someone who physically resembles an ex might be a way of replacing you.....idk what i"m trying to say, but I find it odd.

[Istilllovehim]

Hey there,

I can understand what you are going through. The biggest thing to keep in mind is that you are a great person with so many things to offer that other people cannot. If you feel inadequate for any reason try to ask yourself why? Was there something you know you did wrong in the relationship and could change yourself for the better? If there is, work on those things to be an even better version of yourself, but only if you believe those things need to be changed. She loved you for you and there are many things about you that she will never find in this person. The first year or so in a relationship always seem great, but I promise you there will be a time where she will look back and think of you and probably even feel that leaving you for another person was a mistake. Jumping into one relationship right after one rarely proves successful since you have not had the time to grow and reflect. Often times these people are lost and looking for attention/love in the wrong places. Life has a strange way of even-ing things out. If she left you for another person and saved herself from the trouble of breaking up with you when she no longer felt the same, a relationship like that hardly ever survives. For now just remember, that she will remember you and think of you, but you need to move on from a person that couldn't value a person like you. By the time she regrets leaving you, you will be in a sincere relationship and have grown as a person, while she will not since she lost herself in another relationship right away. You will get what you deserve if you stay humble, honest, and positive...and life will give her what she deserves. Focus on being the best you, you can be.

[Ragamuffin blu]

Thank you, my self esteem has been shot to pieces and the things I have insecurities about this new person seems to have. I do need to stop thinking about what happened and who she is with, it is just so so hurtful, I guess a lot of people on this board totally understand. I will try and focus on being the best me, although it is hard.

 

I have blocked them on FB, I looked at their profiles on friends fb and I have blocked them on that too. It wish I had not done it but I thought it would be a sharp shock to pull me out of denial that she is in a new relationship but finding out this new info has made me feel sick. I do think its odd that new person looks a little like me (I may be projecting and in real life looks nothing like me). I guess she just has a type and sticks to it. grr. We were together 6 years, broken up for 4.5 months, in someways it feels like an age and in other ways it feels like no time at all.

 

I am seeing my counsellor tonight, I will be discussing this jealousy issue and returning the focus to me. Thanks for reading and responding, I am finding this really tough.