Business situation with ex - meeting up next week

[karpeezy]

As I’ve been moving forward with my life, I’ve been checking ENA here and there but not posting too much. With a few wildcard developments in my B/U I thought I’d ask for some advice.

 

Background:

- Together 9 months, B/U 8 weeks ago, I am dumpee, share all common interests, religious background, close with families, first longer/good r/s for both of us, he doesn’t really date or flirt at all, we were set up by his cousin and clicked right away. He has never been in love, and 'never liked someone as much as he liked me'

- Got together 2 weeks post b/u for coffee, chatted about everything BUT relationship

- Skipped one week of ball, then had 4 weeks of baseball left at the time we went for coffee, I made the decision to continue to play, to go and be supportive of him and the team. Played great.

- He initiated contact via text usually post baseball and/or next day -- ‘great game’, ‘glad you played ’, ‘awesome hit!’ – we won the championships. I replied but did not ask questions or engage. We have been in very limited contact. 

- Had a minor emotional spell at the last game. Did not let him see, but spoke to his mother. Not to much about the R/S, but did tell her I loved him very much and it’s been very tough for me. She’s a great woman, and we have had contact via text since the b/u. I have also spent time with both his sisters on separate occasions.

- Since b/u I have lost 16 lbs and kept it off (eating better, gym), been spending lots of time with friends, signed up for dodgeball, and went back to regularly attending Church and Bible study .. some things I had been wanting to do, but before I would have not done it because it would ‘take away from our time together’

- On above note, I realized I was putting all of my happiness on him and lost my independence. Very important realization for me, to remember for future r/s whether with him or someone else. I realized that I CAN live without him. Something I would never have thought before. In short, this b/u needed to happen or it would have been a lot messier in the long run.

 

Anyhow, the week following our last game, my insurance dropped me because of too many tickets. He is a broker, so I decided to e-mail him to ask him for advice, and if he could recommend someone who could help me. He offered himself, and we both put forward “if this is not comfortable for you, you can refer me to someone else”. We decided to go forward, and as we sent business related e-mails back and forth, we slowly started to integrate small talk (about MLB playoffs, and thanksgiving).

Everything could be done via mail and e-mail, but I decided to go for it, and asked if he’d like to grab coffee or a drink at so-and-so time, to meet up and go over the documents. Being a short week, he said he is totally slammed but would like to meet up in person so how about “next week, and I can give you the slips and go over things, and then we can catch up”. I told him no worries, I understand the short week busyness, and sure next week is fine. He replied saying He’s not only busy, but also has family thanksgiving which is why Thursday wouldn’t work and then outlined getting together. We have not yet made set plans but he said early next week. It feels as if we have been slowly warming up to each other, as we’ve been in that awkward stage where we are totally walking on eggshells... no one wants to say or do too much.

 

So ENAers, anything you noted from this development. My friends who I’ve told think it’s strange that he was so willing to take me on as a client, and if he really wanted me out of his life, he would have referred me to someone else or said no.

 

Going into next week, assuming we get together as planned, does anyone have any advice on how to proceed? I am definitely in a good head state that I can handle it if it goes nowhere. I am going in with the attitude that it’s business, and no expectations whatsoever. I intend on showing up looking good, friendly, and genuinely happy to see him. Talk about how life has been, and show him that I’ve made improvements within myself and my life has gone on.

 

How does this sound? Any advice?

[QWit]

Don't read too much into it.. As far as taking you on as a client, it is just business.. He needs clients just like his co-workers.. As far as the potential lunch, do not overthink it. Talk to him about the same stuff that you do now.. Also, to note, distance your relationship with his mom and siblings.. Don't discuss relationship issues with his mom because, well, she is not him.. Mom could be on your side, but if her son doesn't want to be with you, that is his choice.. Main advice is, stop overanalyzing and let it flow.. Don't set yourself up for disappointment if he is only trying to be friends.

[NIN2000]

Qwit couldn't have said it better.

 

Do not read too much into it if not you will set yourself up for disappointment.

 

Let things flow and eventually you will find where all of this is heading.

[karpeezy]

Thanks for your replies and advice I am really trying hard not to read into it, because ultimately, this IS a result of a business connection. We do have ALOT in common, so conversation will definitely flow very easily. I've played it pretty cool so far and don't see a reason to stop now! I am prepared for nothing to come of this, and definitely prepared for the idea that friendship might really be all he's after. I feel like I will have a clearer idea of things once we have met up.

 

With his mother and sisters, the r/s came up only very briefly that one time which was 4 weeks ago. Otherwise, we have talked mostly about God and the trip that she went on with her husband. Same with the sisters, we talk about their kids and hang out with our mutual friends, and he doesn't come up much, and I do not talk about the R/S at all I feel like my friendship/relationships with them will probably fade out over time, as distance becomes greater and greater.

 

I'll just have to keep repeating to myself ... don't overanalyze, go with the flow, play it cool. Thanks for the advice both of you