Why do i feel this way?

[Menopaws]

Hello and gm..

 

I need a lil advice with my situation. Ill be brief. So i divorced 2 years ago. A year after that, i started dating around, just to get my "feet wet" as some people say. I have met nice guys, but i honestly wasnt feeling it. I met a few at nightclubs bars etc, but i would get so bored with these guys so quickly, i found out my personality is a bit different than most because bars or the nightlife really doesnt interest me.

 

So after a few multiple dates i decided to just take my time, i deactivated my online dating profile, and the guys i knew that would text or call me, i told them i was no longer available. None of them had that one thing that would spark my interest. Anyways, fyi, im a gamer. Im 30, and one of the things i enjoy is playing online, where i have gained very good online friends.

 

I know a group of people there for over a year. One of them, has become practically my closest friend. I tell him pretty much almost everything, including my "rules". (no long distance relationships, no dating younger guys, no dating guys that want kids (i dont want anymore kids), etc etc.

We became so close, that he would tell me everything about him, and this is a very shy, reserved, traditional guy. I feel good that he trusts me.

 

Now, somehow, and i cant even remember when this all started, maybe march ,we started liking each other, he says he always had a thing for me, but never told me because he knew i dont date guys from out of state (im in FL hes up north).. and he felt i was way out of his league. I was worried that i felt i liked this guy, but i didnt know how he looked like! So i dettached myself for a month, but I kinda missed him. We decided to buy cams, to see each other. When i first saw him, i didnt find him 100% attractive, but he wasnt that bad either, but his personality outweigh his looks, so we kept talking.

 

This guy, has pretty much almost everything i want, nice, honest, sweet, caring, strong attitude yet soft, tall, hardworker, and a gamer. But i noticed he is a bit on the clingy side. And im very independent, like, i can go a day or two without talking to the guy im dating and not care, cause i am busy or distracted with other interests..Its something he has tried to adapt to, and i have been very clear with him, that i will never change. So , we are meeting in dec. In person. And, i cant shake this feeling of, im kinda wondering, am i ready? He wants a serious relationship. But i kinda want that, but i also like being and living alone.

 

We both had a talk and agreed, if we meet and feel the chemistry isnt there we will be honest, but hes so much into me, he says he doesnt have a plan B. So he doesnt know what he will do if i dont want this. I myself feel, if hes not the "one" i can easily move on i guess, i guess what im trying to say is, i like him, and i know we have a connection, i just dont feel for him witht he same intensity he feels about me. He has noticed i have changed a bit, i guess its because dec is right around the corner, should i give this a try? Is it stupid dating someone that lives far away? Is it weird that he even talked to his mom about me? Is it ok that he has no plan B? Will our friendship remain the same if i dont really want this?

[Edmund Exley]

You really need to figure out exactly what it is you want before you can go one step further. This guy is ready to be all in. You should make sure you are too before a meet up.

[S.Ken]

Meh... personally i wouldn't bother dating someone hundreds of miles away from me. Seems like a big hassle and I really don't subscribe to that Hollywood BS of two people meeting online and falling in love despite the insurmountable distance between them.

 

I would just continue being a gamer buddy with him and keep your online and real life separate.

 

As a gamer myself, what do you play?

[sportsguy9981]

I think its very possible that people can be together and live in different states.. you just have to figure out if he wants to move there or if you want to move where he lives, because that's going to be a challenge. He seems like he wants a relationship, you seem that you want to be single.. you have to give up some of the independence if you want to be with someone, you have to talk to the person daily if you are together you cant just ignore the guy if you decide to become his girlfriend. I don't think you are ready to be with the guy, if you were really into him you would know.

[Menopaws]

Meh... personally i wouldn't bother dating someone hundreds of miles away from me. Seems like a big hassle and I really don't subscribe to that Hollywood BS of two people meeting online and falling in love despite the insurmountable distance between them.

 

I would just continue being a gamer buddy with him and keep your online and real life separate.

 

As a gamer myself, what do you play?

 

 

Well i kinda broke my own rule, because i dont like long distance relationships either! ^^ Again, i have no idea how i came to like him, normally i am more realistic.. and i play dc universe online and gta 5 online on my ps3. lol. I play more games, but these 2 are my mains at the moment..

[Menopaws]

I think its very possible that people can be together and live in different states.. you just have to figure out if he wants to move there or if you want to move where he lives, because that's going to be a challenge. He seems like he wants a relationship, you seem that you want to be single.. you have to give up some of the independence if you want to be with someone, you have to talk to the person daily if you are together you cant just ignore the guy if you decide to become his girlfriend. I don't think you are ready to be with the guy, if you were really into him you would know.

 

He says if everything works out, he would definetly consider moving to fl. I already told him i dont wanna leave, i have my family here. He seems willing to do what it takes, but isnt that thinking way ahead? And he has told me the same thing, that if we get more serious i cant just ignore him, but its how i am, now i understand if in the future say hypothetically we live together, i cant ignore him lol, but if this is a ldr, why cant i just take a small break from him and do other things? Like relax with my friends, watch a movie or just play my videogames? I do like him, i just like my privacy, and im aware that has to change eventually if i ever wanna settle down.

[sportsguy9981]

You said you've known him for quite awhile, its hard to determine when you should get more serious and talk to him daily.. I would think that you are right, you don't need to talk to him daily right now since you aren't serious.. but after you meet up, and if you decide that he's the right guy, then you should commit, otherwise he will think you aren't ready and he may decide to look for someone else. Its all about timing, you just have to determine the right timing for everything in long distance things.. just have to explain that to him.

[S.Ken]

He says if everything works out, he would definetly consider moving to fl. I already told him i dont wanna leave, i have my family here. He seems willing to do what it takes, but isnt that thinking way ahead? And he has told me the same thing, that if we get more serious i cant just ignore him, but its how i am, now i understand if in the future say hypothetically we live together, i cant ignore him lol, but if this is a ldr, why cant i just take a small break from him and do other things? Like relax with my friends, watch a movie or just play my videogames? I do like him, i just like my privacy, and im aware that has to change eventually if i ever wanna settle down.

 

There's a difference between having your space and outright ignoring someone. I think it is very healthy for a couple to have a social life, hobbies, etc separate from each other. Like the old saying goes: "I love you, but I don't need to see you everyday." This guy does seem a bit clingy if he cannot understand that and he probably won't have much of a social circle if he moves down to you, so that clingy behavior will only be amplified.

 

Listen to your gut, enjoy your independence as long as you want and never feel pressured to get into anything. I'm sure you will eventually meet a nice LOCAL gamer dude who will float your boat.

[missmarple]

He says if everything works out, he would definetly consider moving to fl. I already told him i dont wanna leave, i have my family here. He seems willing to do what it takes, but isnt that thinking way ahead?

 

No.

He's thinking the way you would think, too, IF you were into him.

 

You remind me of an old friend of mine. She had started a relationship with a guy who had been a close friend before and he was smitten with her...at some point I asked her 'do you love him?' and she had said 'I don't know if I love him or the love he has for me'. Needless to say, she broke his heart and lost a great friend, too.

 

Keep the guy as a friend. Don't let this get to the point where he'll move and be totally dependent on you for his social life. You've already seen he needs more contact than you do. Even if there is chemistry between you when you meet, your different needs + the stress of the move will cause many problems....and if there isn't chemistry on your side, he will be heartbroken and you'll lose him as a friend anyway.

[tattoobunnie]

Considering you are always leading with your head - try leading with your heart. Put a pin in over-analyzing all of this. Just meet him - if you like him, you like him. If you don't, you don't.

 

Just keep in mind, you may meet, you are all gaga for him, and in real-life, he may not want you in that way anymore.

[SooSad33]

Don't worry about what's going on at his end. Worry about you.

Whatever he's got going on or doesn't have (plan b etc), isn't your problem.

 

I'd think with all that's happened.. to where it's now gotten a bit 'deeper', maybe you could also mention to him.. IF we don't 'click' that way, can we at least still remain friends like how we first started?

Because by sounds of it, you were doing well that way, with him....

 

Either way.. see how it goes. You two did get to know each other in a unique kind of way. Which is cool.

Try not to over worry. You've been talking for a while now.

If anything.. he is a friend.