sibelius9 Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I could technically post this on a handful of the forums on this site but I'll go with LDR for now. If anyone could comment, I'd be most grateful for any incoming advise. To make a long story short (for now): I am having troubles in my ldr. She lives in London and I live in Miami. She is struggling with so many things and can barely figure out how to legally stay in England (she's a foreigner) since no company will sponsor her, how to get along with her somewhat conservative family/culture, etc. etc. I have been feeling her interactions with me, over the last couple of weeks, a bit distant and uninvolved. This is extremely out of character for her but due to my previous romantic history....I'm paranoid that when someone becomes unaffectionate and less enthused about everyday interactions (which is hard enough as it is in a LDR), it must be a sign that they are letting me go little by little. I decided to end things with her two nights ago in order to avoid any pain that might come my way. I don't think I could stomach the idea of HER letting me down. She claimed I was putting words in her mouth and that she was simply going through a very crappy period in her life and she couldn't even find the time to breathe. I accused her of not allowing me to help her out in any way I can and that she was "giving up" because I am one less thing she would have on her already quite full plate. Again...he reply was "no, you're putting words in my mouth". I told her I was going to step aside and let her be and that I was sad for not being able to help her or provide much and that I wish more than anything these days that she can sort out all her issues in England. To this last statement she replied with a sad face and nothing more. I have not heard from her in more than 48 hours and I feel like on love withdrawal. There is a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can barely eat or do much since we last spoke/chatted. I'm afraid she might be out of the picture for good. I reached out to one of her closest friends and this girl claims that things are not as bad as I think they are in terms of her feelings for me. To her friend's defense she stated that she was going through a really rough patch that was in no way any reflection of her true feelings and that I should be supportive. How can I be when she won't take ANY of my advise or any of my suggestions? I don't claim to hold all the answers but I have been through my share of similar issues and I care so much for her that I am only offering the best of myself. Anyway..... Sorry for the long diatribe which contradicted my initial "to make a long story short"..... Seems to me that LDRs are too complicated and they border on unrealistic in more ways than not. Having said that.....I do feel so much for her. What can I do with those feelings? Why won't she put up a fight and how do I know I'll hear from her again? I'm not sure of what I did but I am sure of one thing....I am very unhappy right now. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 did you guys even know each other in real life or was it all online? plus it must have been fairly new as well since you only wrote about your ex in past threads, so if there are this many issues this early on with an online relationship, it wouldn't even be worth the trouble to me... I am in an LDR as well, but we see each other weekly, every weekend and that is not complicated at all... that said, if she has this much on her plate it seems a little immature to make it all about you and dump her and question her feelings....if someone has so many worries, they of course become a little distant Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted October 13, 2013 Author Share Posted October 13, 2013 We have had real life contact and I can agree with some of your points. I'm glad that your LDR is working out and that you're lucky enough to be at a closer distance. Perhaps what I did can be seen as immature and self centered. I won't argue that. However, why won't she let me help? Why is it that any advise I give isn't good enough? Maybe you are right....too many problems too early on? On the other hand...we rarely had problems (if any at all) up until this past week and a half or so. When I'm worried I go into my own head but I also seek support, advise and love from every angle I can extract that from. Her approach is different when she is...and I'll quote..."under so much stress from every angle in her life". This is a side of her personality she kept well hidden and I don't like it. How then can I ignore all the other great qualities? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 every person handles stress differently and where men want to fix and solve the problem, woman often just want someone to listen, say they understand and feel for you, instead of telling you what you should do, because that can come accross as a bit of know it all, you know? that is a huge difference between men and women....took me some getting used to as well when my man wants to solve the problem, knows what I should do and all, it is his way of caring, I get that, but I just want him to listen sometimes....so maybe something to think about.. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted October 13, 2013 Author Share Posted October 13, 2013 Hmmm......I can see that. I agree. Thank you Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 you're welcome! hope it works out! Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted October 13, 2013 Author Share Posted October 13, 2013 Btw....you have the same name Again...thanks. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 haha not my real name though.... Link to comment
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